[ihateit]

I know a lot of you have read my story...but this is a little diff, so lemme 'splain. My wife was raped as a little girl (5yrs old), by a boy a little older than her, and an elder lady who made them do it. For 32 years she didn't tell anyone, until me at the age of 37. During this time and the last 3 years, she has or has had dysthymia, long periods of feeling numb, detached, easily startled, non-confrontational, and can't really be social.

Her "T" won't lable her with PTSD because he said there are only two ways you can get PTSD, if you have been to war, or if you have seen someone close to you die a horrible death. WHAT!?!?!?! The National Institute for Mental Health states, "PTSD was first brought to public attention in relation to war veterans, but it can result from a variety of traumatic incidents, such as mugging, rape, torture, being kidnapped or held captive, child abuse, car accidents, train wrecks, plane crashes, bombings, or natural disasters such as floods or earthquakes." It goes on to say that if you have had the symptoms for more than a month, you have PTSD.

Do I ask her to find another T, or do I let her go on with someone who I feel has no clue about what is going on. I am no psychologist, but this is very odd to me that he would say she's not PTSD, and if that's the case, will she get the right treatment, imho no...dunno what to do!?!?!

[Can't Remember]

I think you should look around for a new one. Someone a little more compassionate and who actually knows what ptsd is. I wish you both the best.

[Capp]

Ditto on finding another T if your wife agrees with you.

Cap

[phoenix7]

I think your wifes T is stuck in the past - a new T would be good - see if they have dealt with PTSD and your wifes issues before making an appointment though - take care P7

[ihateit]

Thanks guys, that is what I was thinking...just don't want to seem conrtolling as if I am telling her to get a new T, will have to approach this carefully.

[phoenix7]

maybe ask her how she fees about her T and take it from there

[Capp]

Originally Posted by ihateit

Thanks guys, that is what I was thinking...just don't want to seem conrtolling as if I am telling her to get a new T, will have to approach this carefully.

((ihateit))

I so agree with your attitude about this situation!
It does need to be approached with care, but sometimes sharing your concerns in a calm manner is necessary.
Being honest with her is the right thing to do. She may tell you to KMA, but at least you tried.

Other than that you don't have much of a choice.

My best wishes,
Cap

[ihateit]

Ok, more confusion...

In my first post I stated, "Her "T" won't lable her with PTSD because he said there are only two ways you can get PTSD, "If you have been to war, or if you have seen someone close to you die a horrible death."

I now found out the he also gave her some sort of diagnosis "test"...for lack of a better term, that apparently had a load of questions and/or statements, and you had to have a minimum of a "45" ticked, yes answers, whatever, on it to be condsidered PTSD.

So, this morning I did more research. No where did I find that this was a way to diagnose PTSD. Again, what I found was, and all the sites I went to basically all said the exact same thing (with very few varriations):

Do You Need All of These Symptoms for a Diagnosis of PTSD?
To be diagnosed with PTSD, a person does not need to have all these symptoms. In fact, it is quite rare that a person with PTSD would experience all the symptoms listed below. To receive a diagnosis of PTSD, you only need a certain number of symptoms from each cluster. Additional requirements for the diagnosis also need to be assessed, such as how the person initially responded to the traumatic event, how long the symptoms have been experienced, and the extent with which those symptoms interfere with a person's life.

Diagnosis

Criterion A

A person must have experienced a traumatic event where both of the following occurred:

• The person experienced, witnessed, or was confronted with an event where there was the threat of or actual death or serious injury. The event may also have involved a threat to the person's physical well-being or the physical well-being of another person.
• The person responded to the event with strong feelings of fear, helplessness, or horror

Criterion B


The person experiences at least one of the following re-experiencing symptoms of PTSD:

• Frequently having upsetting thoughts or memories about a traumatic event.
• Having recurrent nightmares.
• Acting or feeling as though the traumatic event were happening again, sometimes called a "flashback." (This occurrs to her during sex)
• Having very strong feelings of distress when reminded of the traumatic event. (see the next line, which happens when she is with her "T" going through what happened)
• Being physically responsive, such as experiencing a surge in your heart rate or sweating, to reminders of the traumatic event.

Criterion C

The person experiences at least three of the following avoidance symptoms of PTSD:

• Making an effort to avoid thoughts, feelings, or conversations about the traumatic event. (for 32 years she didn't speak of it, until she told me one day...I was first to know)
• Making an effort to avoid places or people that remind you of the traumatic event. (She has not lived near where it happened for many years now, but when asked, she wouldn't live near, or even in the same city, as where it happened...this in my book would be avoiding the place...)
• Having a difficult time remembering important parts of the traumatic event.
• A loss of interest in important, once positive, activities.
• Feeling distant from others. (To include me and our children, and her parents)
• Experiencing difficulties having positive feelings, such as happiness or love. (Happiness...you know when you get a new car, how you feel, all happy and excited and can't hold back the excitment...she bought a new Mustang GT, but ... nothing, not even a real smile, that is just one of many examples I could give)
• Feeling as though your life may be cut short.

Criterion D


The person experiences at least two of the following hyperarousal symptoms of PTSD:

• Having a difficult time falling or staying asleep.
• Feeling more irritable or having outbursts of anger.
• Having difficulty concentrating.
• Feeling constantly "on guard" or like danger is lurking around every corner. (She hates it when men walk up to her, her first thought is what do they want? She's constantly guarded against them, and even me at times.)
• Being "jumpy" or easily startled. (She can't stand loud noises)

Criterion E

The symptoms described above must have lasted for more than a month. If the symptoms have lasted for less than a month, you may have another anxiety disorder called Acute Stress Disorder.

Criterion F

• The symptoms described above have a great negative impact on your life, interfering with work or relationships. (If you know my story from other posts, you know our marriage almost ended because of this)

Ok, so, as you can see, the basis for PTSD, and being diagnosed with it, I have listed above. Everything in red is what my wife has experiecend, or is experiencing. My comments are in blue, I know these things because she has told them to me, or I have experienced something with her. I am not making conjectures here...I have been with her for 11 years, I have seen everything.

Her initial repsonse to the event - she shut down, built an immediate wall between her and her parents, and anyone that wanted to be close to her. Anything else that happened immediately after I don't know, and I am not inclined to push her for answers.

For the 11 years we have been together, I now realize, as she does, that this has affected her. She now realizes that it actually has affected her since day one, so for 34 years...she has had this problem.

How they affect her life...wow, so many ways. She's detached from her family (Me, kids, parents, etc.). She won't make close friends. Family life can be very difficult, not so much now as I understand and am trying to help her and support her, but before, wow, ouch. Work, because she isn't social, she gets marked down on performance reports (particitpating in social activites are huge in the military).

I don't know what to think or do. I really don't trust this "T" with my wife's life. I don't know if the military has diff criteria, if they don't keep up with what's going on in the "real world", or if I missed something in all my research. Yet again, I am very uncomfortable with him, and if he's not treating her correctly, she's back at the start, not helped, maybe worse off...ahhh, it's driving me nuts! Help lol!

Thanks for listening (reading) to my rants!

[madisgram]

ihateit, you're on the mark re ptsd. is your wife in the military? just asking cause not sure.
i'd definitely approach her on considering a new t. this one is a yo-yo, imho. i have ptsd and it resulted from being abused and other events. it's much better than it was but the ptsd and what your wife went thru needs to be handled correctly in order for her to get better and have a happier life. i applaud you for wanting this for her. please lt us know if you have any success in her seeing someone else. we care and it's obvious you are your wife's best advocate!!! keep at it. i hope she will at least try to see someone else. nothing lost and something gained if she does.

[TIFFANY1968]

i have been attacked and raped and i am diagnosed. her symptoms are clearly ptsd. she clearly exhibits symptoms i am all to familiar with. her t is an idiot. find your wife another doctor. let me also recomend emdr therapy for ptsd. i have had good results and less pills. she is also fortunate to have ahusband who gives a damn about her condition. we are not all that lucky. good luck and contact me anytime
tiffany

[ihateit]

Mad - Aye, she's in the military...and I don't think they're keeping up with "the real world" as far as PTSD, and some other things as well, as I have to see a military T as well, I was lucky and got a civilian T hired by the military. We have talked about getting a "real" T, someone who has dealt with PTSD and can do EMDR, everything I have read about it says it's the best treatment (alongside conventional treatment of course) for PTSD. I know we will have to pay out-of-pocket, but for her to get better, I think we're going to have to do it. I just want the best for her, and this guy just isn't it, and she agrees.

TIFF - Thanks! I am glad there are peeps out there who know what's up and help, I knew this guy wasn't up-to-speed, but for me to make sure the wife knows I have been doing all my "studying" on-line, about CBT and EMDR. You just affirmed and answered my EMDR question. I read it's the best for PTSD. I have found a counselor, whom I'll be calling today for her.

Thanks guys! Been a huge help! God bless!

[peaches100]

Her "T" won't lable her with PTSD because he said there are only two ways you can get PTSD, if you have been to war, or if you have seen someone close to you die a horrible death.

Your wife's t is entirely wrong about this. There are many conditions that can cause PTSD besides war and witnessing death. In fact, Complex PTSD can happen as an accumulation of smaller, less life threatening events that accumulate over a long period of time. Also, very sensitive people are more prone to PTSD from bad experiences because things affect them so much deeper.

I have Complex PTSD and I was never in a war or witnessed a horrible death. I was never raped. However, I grew up in a house where my emotional needs were very neglected, where I was let go to figure out life on my own without being given guidance, instruction, or discipline on how to live. I wasn't shown how to express or deal with negative emotions, my mom never noticed my internal pain, I was molested by a neighbor, and I moved 10 times and went to 8 different schools by the time I graduated, which resulted in many feelings of loss. I've also experienced some very bad betrayals by persons I've deeply trusted in the past. So, for me, it's not just one big trauma that caused my PTSD. It was the ongoing daily, weekly, yearly experiences of feeling neglected, unloved, confused, anxious, and trust gone awry.

[ihateit]

She actually talked to her new P-Doc yesterday. I did the initial talking because I knew more about EMDR and well she's still shy heh. She has an appointment on the 18th, her "induction" appt...3hrs, sheesh, but this doc seems to really know what's up, she's on top of PTSD, EMDR, EFT, other things that, well, have just been really encouraging for her and I.

Thanks again all!

[Corine]

Originally Posted by ihateit

She actually talked to her new P-Doc yesterday. I did the initial talking because I knew more about EMDR and well she's still shy heh. She has an appointment on the 18th, her "induction" appt...3hrs, sheesh, but this doc seems to really know what's up, she's on top of PTSD, EMDR, EFT, other things that, well, have just been really encouraging for her and I.

Thanks again all!

I'm so glad for the both of you in all this..
As I have come to learn in here everything thing takes time..And baby steps. I'm glad that you found this other T.. That is great
Please keep us posted on all the wonderful and even hard things that are going to be happening...She is very blessed to have someone like you on her side..
Can't wait to hear all the wonderful news..
Corine