Sanity Score and Looking For Help

Here is the link:

As you can see... It's really bad :C However, I don't know what to do! I'm turning 18 in three months and I have absolutely NO SUPPORT. My mom hates me and insults me by calling me a hypochondriac and a psycho b---- whose just out for attention cause no one likes my selfish a--...

My local Mental Health in Tehama County, California won't help me either. I've seen everyone and even filed a complaint, only to have my last chance for help at yesterday's appointment completely fail me :C They stuck me on two medications and they weren't even listening to me! I was telling them my feelings, but I wanted to include my personal outward conflict as well because it can effect your diagnosis. So I tried telling them everything and they just said that they weren't "Mental Health Police, we're just here to get you medication", which confused me because I was only telling them why I was frustrated and stressed out. I am NOT Bi-Polar and they all seem stuck on that diagnosis. When I told them if I could be screened, they were confused and just asked me, "What for??"

Also, when I told them about the harassment and the acts against my rights at Mental Health as they "jerk me around", they said they would get me medication to help stop that. WHAT!? THEN, when I told them about when I get over-emotional that my thoughts, as fast they are already, get faster and faster and I feel as though they're not mine. I also get emotions that, overall, make me think there are different people inside me wanting to say something. When I said that, he told me that is mania. I've been diagnosed Bi-Polar for ten years, I KNOW what Mania is. I don't feel out of control with my emotions and my thoughts are just normal for me. Problem is, no one else can follow them, but they seem so clear to me! He said that they can medication to slow down my thoughts and help me think clearly... UM, WHAT!?

So, all in all, the past six months of dealing with Mental Health as they discriminate against me, degrade me, and just treat me like crap - It's all for nothing. This town is a drug town and that's the problem. When people go in, they don't expect help - They expect drugs and I don't want that. I want to see a counselor who will actually try and help me, give me better options. A counselor who will actually HELP ME. A counselor who doesn't rush out of the door at the end of the session and go, "PHEWWW", in front of everyone and embarrass me... My local Mental Health makes me feel so horrible! And no one will help me defend my rights. Quality Assurance called me three weeks ago to manage it, but she only kept telling me that she would help me get to appointments that I am getting myself to. I am trying to defend myself and she's thinking it's all on me! WHAT DO I DO!? I tried calling Sacramento, CA and Redding, CA but they can't help me... NO ONE CAN HELP ME HERE! I'm so frustrated and tired of all this! Mental Health and their method of "Drugging-Us-Better" ruined my life! I am failing school cause I couldn't stay awake, everyone hates me because I lashed out and never wanted to hang out with them. I was so doped up that I got assaulted, abused, bullied, and so on... Now, I just feel broken down... :c

Sorry for the rant... I just would like someone to give me some options to help myself. Some resources and numbers... Someone who can help me... I already have SSI and Medi-CAL. But if not, at least I got it out there :P

I attached a picture of a reply I got from the Quality Assurance to show how much "help" they truly are :/

It can be hard working with public agencies which have their way of doing things. Have you tried medication and then asked for their counselling options? I do not think they are trying to thwart you or not help, I think they have to do things a certain way since they are trying to serve so many people.

Thank you for your reply C: But, as unbelievable as it sounds, they are trying to "thwart" me. I have tried medication and was stuck on a medication that made me sleep continuously, but they did nothing about it but stuck me on MORE medication, which made me lash out and always feel sick. They refused me counseling for the longest time, until five years after my diagnosis. My counselor came to my school once every two weeks (That hardly happened because I was always too tired, depressed, and manic to go to school. She also missed A LOT of appointments). After a year and I moved to another school, she dumped me and I was left on my own until now. I've only seen him once in that past six months because of my crappy Case Manager, Denish. Who is avoiding me like I'm a disease, "strangely" enough. He knows he's in the wrong and his job is on the line for his crap.

On Wednesday, the day of my appointment for this week, they rescheduled me from 2:30pm to 4:30pm (They close at 5pm). When I got there at 4:20pm, I waited and I waited till the clock hit 4:55pm exactly before they came and got me. Because of my OCD, I try to keep tabs on the time. Plus, I was texting my friend complaining about the service they are providing me with. I found out that this appointment was a "Check Up" and not a full hour appointment to help me as they said they would. The moment I sat down, I began to tell them my feelings and also what's been going on these past seven months with Mental Health. I wanted them to take into account of outward conflicts instead of simply inward conflicts. Everything I said, he contradicted, as I mentioned before. They wouldn't listen to me about anything. They had it in their minds that I was Bi-Polar and manic, so therefore I'm crazy and I just need medication. I finally got frustrated and asked for a screening, which they asked me "What for??" as if I don't have a right to ask for one.

I am not manic. These "doctors" are just rude, inconsiderate people who don't care at all about what happens to others.

I was prescribed "Geodon" and "Benedryl (For Insomnia)". Take a look at those two medications and tell me they know what they're doing. I have a history of extreme depression. I've been 51-50ed (Crisis Intervention Report Code) six times in only one year because of my depression while on medication. I won't be taking medication if they won't listen to me. I'm not going to kill myself over a medication fit. They don't even follow up on when I take medication. The "follow-up appointment" will most likely be in December. Just like how it has been for the last ten years.

I don't mean to sound offensive or attacking, just talking about it makes me frustrated and feel hurt :/

Hi Shades, Your "sanity score" is overall on the safish side - I'm no professional sanity score reader. But your issues seem to be dissociation, post-traumatic stress, possible borderline personality disorder. It's usually those sort of things that need to get ruled out before a bipolar dx will be given. Especially for kids, not sure your age. From what I hear, meds don't help borderline but therapy does.

Since the county is blowing you off with getting re-dx'd or meds changed. Try to focus on a counselor. The counselor will probably be able to help you. It's a big waiting game with health care in the county, so hang it there.

And if you do end up having bipolar, there is treatment for that too. Both of my older kids, teens, have bipolar, my son liked geodon and my daughter didn't. She felt it made her too sleepy. I take benadryl at night sometimes to help sleep, and it can make me groggy in the morning. Meds are tricky and everyone reacts a little differently.

Really hope you get a therapist or counselor appointment soon. Once a week at least would be best.

I've been Dxed with Bipolar for ten years after my trauma. They didn't want to deal with me and so they stuck me on meds and pushed me aside. I know I have PTSD, but they're more focused on the diagnosis Bipolar, which doesn't seem realistic to me. The trauma has continued since then, as well. I've had episodes while on medication, but being off of it for the last seven months have proven better for me. Though I've noticed high anxiety, OCD, dissociation, Panic Attacks, and the list goes on. However, I'm not unstable.

I'm turning 18 in three months.

I just don't want to take Geodon and Benedryl because I am more depressed while on Bipolar medication. Then they add more medications to try and stabilize but I haven't found a medication that is stable yet. I just don't want to have an episode of depression and end of killing myself in a fit. I'm doubting Bipolar, especially now. I would have been arrested if I was Bipolar and out of control if front of the high-stress my local Mental Health has put me through.

Is there anything out-of-local I can contact?

Maybe I should file a lawsuit?