[lenjan]

I'm curious, does anybody else resent having to take meds? I take all mine at night now, both psych and physical illness meds, and probably 75% of the time I am in bed with the lights out, all comfy, before I realize, "^%$#@#@!@@!, I have to take my ^%$#@#@@@@!!!!! meds." Then I get all grumpy (it might seem I'm that way all the time, but I promise I'm not!).

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I live in a world where these things are available to help me. I'm just tired of being dependent on them. I want to be a "normal" person, one who doesn't need multiple antidepressants just to be able to get out of bed every day (and sometimes it still doesn't work for that). I resent being sick. I resent the combination of chemistry and evil people who made me this way. I resent that if I live to be 100, I will still be taking freaking Effexor (and multiple others). Sometimes I just don't want to bother anymore. If I can backslide ON them, I can backslide just as well without them.

I'm just tired of having my identity wrapped up in my mental illnesses. People define me by it before they even take the time to get to know me. I wish I could get rid of all the traces of being a nutjob -- including the ^%$#@@@!!@@@!! meds.

So am I crazy or what?

[wi_fighter]

I was sort of thinking the same thing the other day - having to take meds forever. I've tried going off them when life is going really well, only to take a nose dive. Why does mine have to be a g.d. chemical imbalance?

[(JD)]

Since we are human, most of the imbalances in our systems can be "chemical" imo (((hugs))) to all who are upset about these things. (Been there...)

I think your anger towards the meds and having to take them is of course unfounded... Candy, your idea of the ppl who "caused you to need them " or such is closer... but still... what of what is being said is changeable for the better? It's a non sequitur...imo.

Better to focus on what the meds do for you, how YOU are using them to balance yourself out better than you are without them... would you hold the same hatred and anger if you were taking vitamins to correct a nutritional deficiency?

Now, if you can, take that energy you are pouring into this and reroute it to good self care... make a list of bedtime routine items.. set alarms if you need to... eat properly, do a bit of exercise... be the best you can be as you are. Do what you can to help the meds work better for you.

IMO, we each have a path to follow...until we "get it" and then the path changes... sometimes for the better, sometimes not. I know it isn't until I accept the path I'm on and try to look around for the good... I'm stuck on that path.... because I'm there for a reason. Maybe this is too philosophical for your ranting thread, candy and I apologize if you feel I've hijacked it...

but support is what you need... everyone who feels stuck because of having to take meds... it is what it is... there are greater things to experience... try and change your perspective about the meds... mentally fighting against them disrupts your healing within. My T helped me to realize I was wasting energy being angry about taking meds... I hope I can help steer you in the right direction too..

[eskielover]

Candybear,

Maybe I can help you put your being on meds into a better perspective. You said that you are glad that you are in a world where meds are available to you & that they do help you get out of bed everyday. Oh how I wish I could be able to take a med that would work for me that way. Every med I have taken has had a bad side effect on me. I took a psych med where I couldn't even sit up in bed the next morning with my joints so stiff I couldn't move (& that was on the first night I took the med). I was on prozac & wellbutrin which landed me in an eating disorders hospital after loosing too much weight. Then I ended up on a med where the parkenson's symptoms seemed real after it took more than a month of being off the med to get over the symptoms. I couldn't walk by myself.....my husband had to help me into the bathroom. I couldn't even get myself into the shower & couldn't even control my hands to get food into my mouth.

Those were all meds that were supposed to get my depression under control & keep my anxiety level down to earth. With the experiences I have had with meds, my pdoc has determined that he can't give me any AD's that will work. He even worked with the pdoc at the medical hospital I was in when I was being treated for anorexia last year. It was still determined that there wasn't an AD that I could take without horrible side effects. To top that off, when I went to my GP for the flu, he had to figure out what antibiotic I wasn't alergic to in order to figure out what antibiotic to prescribe.

I have finally been able to find a pain med that works for my migraines, but as for anything else, I look at people who are able to take meds that work for them as being very lucky when you go through everything I have gone through.......

Maybe you can look at yourself as being lucky when you see what meds do to people like me.
Debbie

[lenjan]

Debbie, I'm sorry you have to suffer so much without meds. I think what underlies my feelings about needing them is that I don't like being "abnormal." My pdoc tells me all the time that if I had bronchitis or something, I wouldn't think twice about taking meds, and this is no different -- but it is. Everybody gets bronchitis, but not everybody gets depression and PTSD and anxiety. It sets me apart, and I don't like that.

I suppose I should probably get over it. Thank you for the perspective. You too, Sky.

Candy

[drunksunflower]

yea i know the feeling and i dont think i will ever get used to it (hence not 'really' ever managing to take any AD properly).

it sucks

[Bethsway]

I will take meds till the day I die...I would do cartwheels...stand on my head for an hour everyday...if I thought it would make me feel better about myself and life...For ten years I took penicillin for rhematic fever...this is a lot better reason to take pills...go for it...! They help!

[EJ711]

Candybear,

You sound fairly normal to me.

Keep the faith.

Hugs,

EJ

[wisewoman]

Candy, that's an interesting point. I have had recent medical issues and they always ask for a med list. I immediately become fearful that they are going to think that I am making up problems or that I am a psycho. I too am sick of the meds. When I was really out of it from 24-7 pain meds and muscle relaxants I had to write down my dosing times. I have this basket of drugs next to my bed, how great is that? I get it. I understand, and yup EJ is a smart girl, you are normal.

[Rhapsody]

I too HATE all the meds...... and especially since they do not stop all the effects they are given for in the first place. ~ ~ ~ If my emotions were balanced, my body pain was gone and I did not have to fear being in a human body - then I would say w00t w00t to medicine, but I cannot for I am still dealing with 75% of my physical woes and I have been on meds for the last ten years.


LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
candybear said:
Debbie, I'm sorry you have to suffer so much without meds. I think what underlies my feelings about needing them is that I don't like being "abnormal." My pdoc tells me all the time that if I had bronchitis or something, I wouldn't think twice about taking meds, and this is no different -- but it is. Everybody gets bronchitis, but not everybody gets depression and PTSD and anxiety. It sets me apart, and I don't like that.

I suppose I should probably get over it. Thank you for the perspective. You too, Sky.

Candy

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I thought this might help too Candy.

You say "Everybody gets bronchitis, but not everybody gets depression and PTSD and anxiety. It sets me apart, and I don't like that."

Just for fun, I googled statistics on how many people get bronchitis in the run of a year.

I came up with this :

Prevalance Rate for Chronic Bronchitis: approx 1 in 22 or 4.45% or 12.1 million people in USA

In any given year, about seven percent - between 13 million and 14 million people - will experience a depressive disorder.

so, really, it seems that depression is more common than bronchitis!

I don't know if this is your DX, but I just thought it would be neat to compare.

I do think I get what your saying though. There is a stigma attached to mental illness that we either "should have been able to just get over it/do something about it/are just lazy/are just dramatic(etc etc etc)whereas, most times if you get a physical illness this doesn't happen.

[Determined]

I hate meds too. I was off and on them since high school. I spent over 10 years off but had different spells that led me down a path that maybe could have been avoided and maybe not. I will never know. Being back on them I feel like a constant ginea pig for the doctor. Try this one, oops try that one, oops higher no lower. I believe the natural things I do to try to eliminate my episodes are better for me than the pills but due to the fact I am getting older I am resigning to take pills to help out. My emotions are not as agile as they use to be, so I have given pills a chance. However, I do everything I can to try to control my anger, (talk therapy, this may be helping) eat less sugar and caffiene, make sleep a routien, get exercise, and talking to myself if I get into one of my moods more positively. It doesn't always work so I take the pills to hopefully help out. But it is still my problems not the pills. I also keep my disorder pretty private, I only tell those I believe are understanding about the difficulties attached to emotional illnesses.

[darkeyes]

I guess, and feel, most of us resent taking psychiatric meds.,including myself.
But allowing myself to put pride before a fall,is key.
We all have to weigh,do the meds,long term,do more for us vs no meds? That's the question,and be honest when you ask yourself.
Just a thought.
DE

[lenjan]

DE, they attributed my bone marrow failure that almost wiped me out last winter to all the psych meds I took. I got cold-turkeyed off all of them, and only have been allowed a couple of them back.

Death or sanity? Some choice.

[Rhapsody]

You know I fell asleep thinking about this matter last night and this is what my mind came up with.... I cont' to take the medicine that I am sick and tired of having to take each and every day of my life for two reasons:

1.) Without my arthritis medicine for my RA - I would be in a wheel chair today.

2.) Without my depression / mood swing / anxiety medicine I would be six feet under.

>>>> So, I guess that is why we press on and take those little white, yellow, and pink pills - to have some form of life.... to Live as best as we can with the days we are left with.

LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

[darkeyes]

So sorry to hear that happened to you, that's really terrible.
Hope you are feeling better.
Take care,
DE

[Azalysa]

Hi, Candy! (Yep, it's me...resurfaced...again!)

I've been thinking along similar lines lately, but with the twist of "will I EVER be ~myself~ again?" meaning like I was before the major depression that knocked me to the floor almost a year ago that I am still fighting out of.

For most of my adult life I took two psych meds (Zoloft & Depakote). That was it. I lived a "normal" life; laughed, was very active, traveled, worked. Taking those 2 pills was as natural as taking a daily vitamin.

Once this nightmare began last year, I did start resenting the ever-increasing pills, mainly due to all the side effects I began experiencing without really getting any relief.

I was finally "stabilized" a few months ago and have been weaning off so I can get back to "two pills again" (this time Zoloft and Lamictal). But I still get really "roller-coasterish." Some days I think everything will be ok...others (like today) I'm back on a crying binge and everything seems hopeless.

My biggest fear is that I won't be able to hold a steady job again which is really scaring me. I'm not married; my mother has been supporting me until I get back on my feet, but now she's running out of expendable funds (and it is very demeaning to have to accept them); I'm considering beginning investigating if I may actually be considered disabled, but then fearful of that....

All of us that have responded here have our varying trials. Thank you Sky for your perspective...I do so want to encompass that.

But, to answer your question Candy, I resent taking pills and STILL don't have my "life" back.

I just got 3 new medicaitons added-- for high blood pressure, low potassium & low thyroid. I now take 10 different medications--some in the morning & some at night. Some on an empty stomach & some with food. When I travel, I carry my meds on the plane with me in case my luggage is lost. I carry a copy of all my scripts, because I think they may question all these drugs (some are controlled substances) & think I'm peddling them or getting them illegally. My husband & kids are horrified about how much medication I take. All I know is that they help me with my bipolar & anxiety & physical ailments.--Suzy

[Perna]

I think it is mostly attitude; I have decided to, picked out myself and take 7-8 vitamins and other supplements each morning quite willingly and a couple at night because they improve my health. Don't think of being ill, think of improving your health, the meds give you a "chance" to do other things besides be ill. Yes they don't always work; sometimes one has asthma attacks even with daily meds that are supposed to suppress the attacks. But there aren't as many attacks as there would be without the meds. Same with any kind of meds; blood pressure, chloresterol, etc. The meds don't "cure" they just help. If there's a cure out there it's probably going to come with interactions with others and working hard at living well and understanding ourselves, not out of a bottle.

[ickydog2006]

I know how you feel about the meds thing. It really got to me when people would say, "Describe yourself to me." and I would think "on or off meds."

Overall, I've been way blessed and have been able to quit my meds.... and withdrawal sucks, as I'm sure most of you know, but honestly I am glad I am off them.

I really am sorry for those who don't have that option. And I'd definitely say don't quit them without doctor approval.

I also know what some of you mean by paranoid about the stigmatism of mental disorders. When filling out the health information sheets I dreaded the mental one because I basically had more yes than no answers and they wanted explanations and gave a few lines....Well when you have 7 yes compared to the 1-2 normally it leaves you very little room.

Also I'm paranoid of needing my medication and not having it there just in case, despite having not taken any for 6 months (except maybe one of them for anxiety once or twice), so I brought them to college and had to have them in their appropriate bottles.... I now know I have 4 perscription bottles and 4 non perscription bottles, and that's leaving 3 perscription bottles home.

It made me feel ashamed to say the least, but it is nice to know that I have here to go to and you guys all understand and I don't have to be ashamed.

[DaveyJones]

Leave to me to be "contrary", but I regard my drugs as a gift from God...I don't have my life back either, and I don't take nearly as many drugs as many of you, but I feel SO much better...for years I was so depressed I literally "hurt"...not like a "serious injury pain" or a "really sick" pain, but a physical pain nonetheless. That is gone now, and I at least have the possiblity of experiencing joy and happiness.

So, no, I guess I'm not sick of them...I'm thankful.

DJ

[Hopefull]

I started an anti-depressant about two weeks ago. I'm afraid that I might get stuck on it. I find that the drug reminds me that my moods are annoying to me. It makes me wonder if I'm mentally ill or something.
I also hate the "Are you hearing voices?", "Are you suicidal?" and "Are you homicidal?" question that my doctor asks me. I just need help getting out of bed, not starring at walls, sleeping, not crying, etc. AAAAA! The first day, I just sat there starring at the drug trying to make up my mind whether or not to take it. I figured that if I do. I would probably commit myself to it for six to eight months maybe longer.