[Brookester]

This is certainly a tough one. When is the right time to disclose the fact that I am taking 4 different meds for bi-polar condition to a new boyfriend? Some people say, "oh, no big deal!" Others, the less savvy, educated ones get freaked out when they hear the mention of psychiatric meds. Frankly, I need some feedback for you all. Know if I am going to be intimate with the boyfriend, do I tell him before or not until I am comfortable? This has left me feeling very uneasy.

[agony007]

well brook, i think it depends on your comfort level. however being intimate is a very personal thing, so i would guess that if you are that close to eachother you may be able to share that part of your life with your partner as well. but again it's all up to your discretion. Best of luck to ya.

[Sarah116]

Just say you have some emotional issues and have to take some meds for it no big deal. But unless you are like serious about getting married to him, I would not even bother.

[ickydog2006]

If you think this is someone you might want to marry I really think you should tell them.

Also if it is a big deal to you then you should tell him, else this info will feel like a 'secret' and you will be constantly worried about how he will react if/when you tell him.

Good Luck

Tough one. If he is not very well educated about mental illnesses he may freak. Also, if you have a relapse he may be shocked & than not understand why you didn't tell him something that is important in your life. I'd wait until you were very serious & then be armed with info. for him to learn about the disorder & reassure him many people are functioning very well with the correct medication.--Suzy

I don't tell my new boyfriends that I am on medication or not or even that I am in therapy and for what. Just starting out that is none of their business who is to say if just starting out that the two of us will become close enough to remain together indefinately. so I figure for me why complicate things just injoy the time me and that boyfrined have together and later on down the road if it turns out we are going to be together and living in the same home then yea it will be time enough to say whether or not I am on medication.

the most I ever say to a guy when just starting out is when the guy is starting to aim for the bed so to speak and if Im not ready for that I tell him that I am a survivor of child sexual abuse so I need to take my time.

In My Opinion just starting out guys don't need my life history including my medication needs. I don't come right out and say upon just getting to know someone - I have cancer and a hereditary desease and I will eventually die of them. So why should I with someone new say - Im on this or that medication and have this mental disorder and this is what I do when bla bla bla.

[seeker1950]

I agree with you, except I might not even mention the child sexual abuse either. They don't need to know all of this at the beginning. Just enjoy time together, refrain from intimate sexual contact if possible till you feel secure and safe.
I made the BIG mistake of telling various dates about my being on medication for depression. You know this is no biggie...It's a chemical imbalance from which I could have benefitted all my life, but only found in my 40's. My honesty and trust has been my downfall! I will not be so open about my history or meds in the future, IF, in the unlikely chance I should start dating again. Better to enjoy getting to know a person. Self-protection will be a goal for me as well.
Patty

[bandia]

Hey, Brook' ... Why do you feel you need to tell your boyfriend anything at all? I think there's loads of good advice above my reply, but here's how I consider these things in all circumstances: would I tell so & so that I have a heart condition? (ps, i don't) I'm way open with my depression when it feels right to me & makes sense, but otherwise, I don't tell, no more than I would tell about any of my other medical conditions.

Look @ it this way: if you tell him & he's cool, you just might have a keeper. If he freaks ... well, maybe you might be the one who should put on your running shoes. If a person can't love me bcz of my med conditions, well, shucks.

Good luck!

I mention the child sexual abuse because I have dissociative Identity disorder. when upset or uncomfortable I act out the memories that have been separated and stored at my unconscious level of thinking. One second I can be fully aware and relaxed and the next I am throwing things, kiching, hitting, biting,crying and any number of other things directed at the percieved danger - my boyfriend attempting to have sex with me. By telling the boyfriend I am a rape survivor he knows right away without alot of explaining and so on on my part that we need to go at my speed not his, and if I say stop or no thats that we stop right away.

[Perna]

I would wait until it comes up "naturally." When do you take your meds? If you have a conjunction between taking your meds and being with/going out with him (such that you have to take meds while you're with him or say, a sleep med before you get home from a date, etc.) then you can explain that med simply at that time? I myself would "joke" about the "difficult" meds but only after I'd been out and gotten to know the other person a bit to feel comfortable that when I said, "Excuse me, I have to take a little yellow pill now so I won't kill you later in a BP attack" (as opposed to PMS which guys seem to "get" :-) he would know it wasn't "that bad" and I could seque into a little about BP and how it affects me in a down-to-earth fashion he'd understand (no charts and graphs or big words :-)

[Soidhonia]

Hello I hope you are doing well at this time. I feel that since you feel safer telling your boyfriend, then tell your boyfriend, so you wont have to worry later. Take care Sincerely soidhonia

[(JD)]

I would wait before telling.

All those meds might not work out, and some might be changed or dropped etc. Why ruin a good thing? What part of telling him about your meds is part of who you are and your personality? Nahhhh. He doesn't need to know until he thinks he wants to marry you...

enjoy the time together now without disclosing IMO... meds are just... meds.