Tomorrow's the blood test.

So tomorrow I take the initial blood test to have my thyroid and kidney baseline checked. My pdoc said I can start taking the Lithium anytime after the bloodwork tomorrow.

Um.

That means I am supposed to take it.

Yeah.

I was so eager to start... figuring it would be awhile... now he's telling me 'go ahead'..... now I am nervous.

If it helps there's reallly nothing to be nervous about they monitor ur level to make sure it's at a theapeutic range. I'ts a salt so u can imagine it's relativelt safe. Hopefully it will help u; it's been around a while and has proven worthy. Good luck, Danielle

WIshing you well Pink. I was on Eskalith for a while a few years ago and the blood work was rather embarrassing for my private self but it went alright. Good luck..... go for it.

er...

please don't hate me...

but...

why do they they think you need lithium?

Why would I hate you for asking a question? lol

I asked the same question to the doctor, given I've never had a full blown manic episode and was under the impression that the drug is given to those with bipolar I and such...

He felt that with the intensity and frequency of my mood swings along with the episodes of depression, which come every couple of months and last for around seven weeks with suicidal ideation, that this would be effective for me.

I have tried 15 other drugs, most of them antidepressants.

I have never been on a true mood stabilizer aside from Trileptal which is not by any means a 1st line agent for treating mood swings.

I have mixed emotions about this. Obviously.

However, I am starting it tomorrow morning. While I am nervous about a lot of things (mostly the loss of myself-- the loss of my intensity, etc) I realistically don't have the time to be walking around that depressed and that impulsive. Too much to do.

Hmm... Sounds very strange to me. Have they done efficacy studies of lithium on people with borderline disorders, do you know?

I guess I'm just a lot surprised that your clinician's would be thinking 'bi-polar' all of a sudden.

There is a saying: 'Don't give lethal drugs to lethal people'. The difference between a theraputic dose and a lethal dose of lithium is fairly slight and lithium has been known to cause irreversible somatic disorders.

I guess if it were me I'd want to see the studies...

I thought you might feel mad at me because... This might have the promise of providing some hope. Maybe this will work. Maybe you will take it and you won't feel suicidal anymore. Maybe you will take it and you won't want to hurt yourself anymore. I don't want to undermine that hope... But then... I worry a little about what might be misguided too. Sorry for saying 'misguided'... I'm just fairly surprised by this turn of events.

I mean... Admittedly I've never seen you in person. But... While I do see that you feel a lot of distress at times... I don't think I've ever seen you fall into an 'objective' state of depression for 7 weeks. Reactive. Ups and downs (even though I appreciate that it mostly feels like downs). Of course I can't see your rate of speech and I can't see whether you have motor retardation. Your posts do flow, however, and you certainly don't seem to have the cognitive impairments typically associated with a major depressive episode.

I'm surprised that your p-doc would be so quick to prescribe lithium without trying safer meds that are often of some effectiveness such as tegretol or epilim. Maybe he has seen some studies I haven't...

My dx of a bipolar mood disorder actually goes back to about 7 years ago, when I was dx'ed with cyclothymia along with borderline.

You probably know how I feel about diagnoses, but for the purposes of this discussion I'm using them anyway.

I do have many smaller, reactive depressions... intense mood changes that are not characteristic of bipolar... But I also experience (and always have, for the last 10 years) long depressive episodes that seemingly "come out of nowhere."

I would never get mad at you for undermining the promise of hope-- I've been on enough meds to know that if they work, it's just a bonus for me. I don't become overly hopeful at the prospect of medication because just like you, I am more apt to see the other side, the strange possibilities, the questions, etc.

To be quite honest with you, when the doc said "Lithium" I said, "What the %#@&#!?" I started out with-- no way, there is is not even the slightest chance that I will try this.... to starting it tomorrow.

I thought about the lethal drugs to lethal people saying yesterday... A couple semesters ago I gave a presentation in my psychopharmacology class in regards to the benefits and contraindications of meds for people with borderline personality d/o. And I highlighted that point-- that if you are dealing with suicidality don't give a drug with such lethal potential.

However, I do know myself and I believe I am quite convincing when I am being authentic-- so I believe that is why my doctor trusts me with this drug-- because I would never use in a lethal way on purpose. Never. The best way to prevent suicide by overdose? An anxiety disorder, lol. I'd be too scared at what would happen. I have read about people who tried to commit suicide with Lithium, failed, and ended up with the extreme toxic effects.

When I get depressed, the symptoms (unlike the cycles of my moods), are rather classic. Psychomotor retardation, inability to concentrate, loss of interest in everything, constant tearfulness, etc., etc.

Overall, I identify much more with the personality d/o spectrum rather than the mood spectrum. However, I am guess I'm looking at it like my pdoc and T are-- the symptoms that we need to reduce rather than the label and the typical things that go along with it. My pdoc said to me, "I put you down as bipolar II for insurance purposes, but your case is very atypical." I would think that he would hesitant to say borderline because how can you label someone that when you've only met them once? I didn' t tell him nearly enough for him to be able to determine that.

Anyway, I'm scared. I'm scared to lose myself. But I want to feel better. I'm willing to try.

okay...

so...

there is evidence that lithium is effective for MDE's then?

Ugh, I just took it. Now I'm waiting to croak, lol.