Good grief.

After each session, T leaves me a message. I'm supposed to call and tell him what I need. Well, Teen treehouse went to T yesterday and believe me, she doesn't NEED anything, so the only message I left was something like "tell me what time you can leave me a message tomorrow and when I'm needy again I'll call".

So, he called me this morning (I hadn't called with my "needs" yet) and left me a message kind of anticipating what I was going to need (I'm pretty predictable). The thing is, it's a weird time, because H is out of town and that is triggering to me for SO MANY REASONS, so I needed a different kind of message. So, I called and told him what I needed.

He called back after his day of training, clearly in some kind of hyper "Wheee!! Training!!!" mode (he loves this training) and left me what was probably a really nice message...but right at the beginning he said something SO UNBELIEVABLY TRIGGERING that I totally panicked on the spot, dissociated, lost the rest of the message because I couldn't hear it anymore. It was SO the opposite of what I needed!!!

I called him back, feeling quite guilty, and left a message telling him about the trigger (I know he's going to feel bad because in retrospect, it's SO obvious) and asked for a different message. I KNOW T will feel bad, and it's so stupid and crazy how it worked out, because now I'm here at home, alone with my kids, H across the country, totally triggered. THAT wasn't supposed to be how it worked out!!!!

I also sent him an e-mail:

"Hi T

Just in case you are driving to your training tomorrow, bored, thinking "wow, I sure would LOVE a needy message from treehouse right now", I've got you covered. I'm sure you would check your messages anyway, but just in case, I'm e-mailing you an alert that you have a message. Isn't communication complicated?

I hate to even tell you this (but you'll hear it in the message anyhow) but something you said in your message TOTALLY triggered me and I couldn't really listen to the rest....wait, no, I LISTENED to it, but I couldn't really hear it, and I can't replay it. I'm sure I explain it better in the phone message. Or maybe not. Anyhow...

Don't be mad! And don't feel bad! I know you didn't do it on purpose, and it's so bizarre, I'm sure I'm the only person in the world who would have been triggered by it anyhow.

I'm somewhere in between treehouse and teen. I think I'm...30% treehouse, 70% teen? 20% treehouse, 80% teen?!?!??! Maybe 10% treehouse, 90% teen?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! HA! I'm not sure yet if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I'm going to try to make it a good thing.

I wonder if you'll even see this message?

I know you've had a super long day already. So, I know you probably can't get to the message until tomorrow. It's cool. I took a klonopin! lol (<- I never know if you know e-mail lingo. you must know "lol")

OK! Crazy splashy boys in tub! THANK YOU for not getting mad at me and for leaving me another message (ha ha I'm trying to insert a thought there "I'm not mad at treehouse and I will leave her another message" - did it work?)

treehouse

And hey - the treehouse part of me really IS triggered and needy. Don't let my e-mail fool you."

I guess I'm sharing this because it actually IS pretty upsetting And also to show everyone that, yes, I really AM the World's Neediest Client so everyone can put their fears to rest if they start to feel "too needy".

Ugh

Wow, that must be one of the longest PC posts ever.

[MissCharlotte]

(((((treehouse))))

Good for you for asking for what you need. I also get triggered when H is away. It makes for a lonely house, doesn't it? On those nights I try to keep really busy until I pass out! Then I sleep with my Ipod in one ear with a relaxation recording on.

Take gentle care of that teen, and your adult self too!

[chaotic13]

Treehouse, hope your T calls back with a non-triggering supportive message.

[deliquesce]

tree, i'm so proud of you for asking for what you need. i find it inspiring. even though teen was all "dont need nuthing from you", you still managed to slip in your request by voicemail, and again at the end of that email.

i need to learn how to ask for my needs to be met. this past week i've been feeling particularly needy, so typically i decided it was too much, and decided to terminate with pdoc. lucky for me he is always one step ahead and saw it coming and could put a stop to it.

so yeah - thank you for sharing, lovely lady . i hope T sends you something you can hold onto soon .

Update

T called me this morning and left the best and most perfect message. He was so glad I had identified what triggered me (that really wasn't that tricky lol) and he said I did such a good job of calling him back and explaining and asking for a different message instead, and that he appreciated that I did it. And then he said everything I needed, and a lot more, and it was just really nice.

It feels so good to be allowed to identify what is upsetting me, be honest about it, ask to have my needs met, and have that be answered with love and caring. When I started therapy, I never ever ever would have DREAMED that I could have done that. And if I did ask for what I need, I would have totally expected to be in trouble, or for T to hate me, or roll his eyes, or something. Instead, it feels like one of those moments that made our relationship a bit stronger, and I feel totally filled up and cared for.

And....I got into this in between place when I was triggered, with me and teen kind of both present...and I was able to draw on the BRAVE part of her (*I* am SO not a brave person) and was able to just go to sleep without H home without being scared. Usually the in-between place with teen leads to scary self-abusive stuff, and this was so different.

Anyhow, yay. Just wanted to share

[Mouse_]

Treehouse, Glad you got what you needed , oh and I use to feel so abandoned when hubby went away to rock concerts for the wkend and such and in the early yrs of my 24yr marriage, I wouldn't let him go out withouth causing a row. Nowadays I encourage his hobbies and such and miss him but it doesn't take over my day like it use to, infact I quite like it now LOL!, but I do know what yoiu mean.

[darkrunner]

Way to go Treehouse!! It must feel really good to be able to see the progress you are making.
I'm proud of you!

I loved this part when you said:

I feel totally filled up and cared for

Sounds like a cozy feeling - I hope it lasts a really long time!

[peaches100]

Treehouse,

It's great that you asked for what you needed and got it! When you go without having needs met for so long, getting them met can feel like a precious gift. I know that, at times, with my t, when she has done something caring for me and I can feel the connection, the good warm feeling feels almost too big and beautiful for me to handle, like it is too much good to take in and my body would not be able to hold it.

[phoenix7]

You Treehouse are one of the bavest people I know

I would have never been able to do that - so you are everybit as brave if not braver than Teen

I am glad it worked out - take care of you P7

[Simcha]

Originally Posted by treehouse

Wow, that must be one of the longest PC posts ever.

Nah! I got ya beat there treelady!

[chaotic13]

Originally Posted by treehouse

Update

It feels so good to be allowed to identify what is upsetting me, be honest about it, ask to have my needs met, and have that be answered with love and caring.

This says it all doesn't it. I think this is something that a lot of people take do without hesitation. But it is very difficult for me to do. I'm getting better at it though. Glad you are too.