[mixedup_emotions]

OK, so I've been going through a lot of emotional turmoil lately - to the point where I've missed 2 days of work and expect to miss work tomorrow as well. I am an emotional trainwreck.

(For more info, see my post on the Survivors of Abuse forum....)

Last week's session with T was highly successful because I typed up some discussion notes that we were able to review together and talk about certain things that were of importance. It worked out very well, and I wanted to continue in that pattern.

So, I have been keeping a log of the significant issues of the week. This week, though, has been extremely triggery....and one thing that came out in the other forum is that I did not want to call my T while I was in the midst of a full blown panic attack.

I decided to include this info in my notes, stating the following:

1. I feel like a burden, that I am a client that pays you for 45 minutes of your time each week. Other than that, I am nobody of significance. I've called during situations that involved something of real consequence...not just becuase of some feelings which are not emergent.

2. I was afraid to show you what I was going through.

3. I feel ashamed for feeling this way. I want to be powerful and not a crybaby who can't handle it.

I sent the notes to him tonight, so there's no turning back now.

I am trying to be strong and face all this....but it's just too much, too soon......

[ECHOES]

I hope you session this week is another good one

I have found that sometimes work can be a nice distraction and can help a lot. It can help with grounding and stablilizing sometimes. During an extremely bad time last year I called T and in the short conversation I told her I had missed work and didn't think I could go the next day and that is when she so gently suggested that it could be grounding for me; that gentle suggestion encouraged me to be open to the idea and to try it and it worked out okay. I was still a wreck but it helped a lot anyway. Now because of her encouragement (and my courage to try it!) I have a new perception

[peaches100]

(((Mixed Up Emotions)))

I think it's very brave that you emailed t about your concerns. I'll be interested to hear how your session goes. I'll be thinking of you!

[mixedup_emotions]

It may seem brave....to hit that send button....but it'll be an entirely different thing when I get to my session today - and won't be able to look him in the eye when he reads it. I might tear the paper out of his hand and run out of the room!!!

[Sannah]

These are good things to discuss MUE! I guess you don't want to face your feelings on these things? (Discussing it with T is really putting them out there)?

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by Sannah

These are good things to discuss MUE! I guess you don't want to face your feelings on these things? (Discussing it with T is really putting them out there)?

I have so many emotions running through me. I am overwhelmed by all the different things that are going through my mind. My T told me that I have a lot on my plate and may want to hold off on some things. And I admitted that I may want too much too soon.

So, I have no idea what I'm in for. I feel like I need to address things with my T because it's "the right thing to do"....to get me closer to healing....but I'm also afraid that I am not emotionally ready for it.

The last time I talked to T about SA that I thought was no big deal - I was anxiety ridden for DAYS! I wonder if I'm doing more harm than good by putting all this stuff out there to T.....

I feel like canceling my appt and never going back....

[Sannah]

This stuff is never easy.......... It is okay to have all of these feelings. So you feel like you will be peeling off all of your defenses and exposing yourself too much?