Secure Attachment

I had a beautiful dream last night about attachment. I was following T (luck a duck follows her MOm) and then we were in T and I laid down on the couch and let my arm hang down. T took my hand and held it because I was afraid. When I woke up this morning I felt so safe that I wanted to go back to sleep so I could dream it again-LOL.

I told T the dream today and we talked about it a a little. I told him about how when my son was little, and anxious he used to sleep in his sleeping bag next to my side of the bed and I used to hang my arm down so he could hold my hand. <3

T said, in your dream you were the child and I said, yes and you were the Mom! We ended the session both of us with huge smiles on our faces. Right now, for today, I AM SECURELY ATTACHED, AND DAMN IT FEELS SO GOOD. WOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO

What a great dream and what a wonderful way to feel. Hang onto it for as long as you can

That sounds really lovely. I love dreams. I love how they have the ability to make you feel so good. May you have more good dreams tonight.

Miss C securely attaching sounds nice. Your dream reminds me of interactions what occur between my kids and I all the time.

Thinking of this makes me happy, sad, and worried all at the same time. It makes me happen because I KNOW my kids have healthy, secure attachments to others. Sad because I feel like I'm not securely attached to people. And worried because I wonder if I had this type of connection with my parents but some how just forgot it. I worry that 30 yrs from now one of my kids might be in therapy telling his therapist...my mother never cared for me.

I guess reading this post brings me full circle because it suggests that which therapy you might be able to recover and learn to securely attach or re-attach.

Chaotic,

You made some insightful comments. I don't think one forgets secure attachments. And I agree, it is the mot hopeful of scenarios because it proves that therapy IS healing. I think this is actually a huge step for me--a real turning point in my therapy. I am so very grateful and hopeful right now--but most of all relieved to know that all the hard work of the past 2 and a half years was worth it! I really and truly felt joy in session yesterday and I think T did too. We must have looked like two nuts grinning at each other!!!!! Victory! Now I can get down to some serious healing of trauma because of the secure attachment.

And yes, I feel different.

what a lovely dream miss c. and a lovely memory of you and your son.

Yes, I worry about that too, expecially with my youngest daughter who I see a family therapist with. I am not sure she is attached to me or to anyone, either securely or insecurely. I worry about that. I think she is attached to our cats. My other daughter and I do have an attachment/connection. I think I am realizing that it is not all the parent's fault when a secure attachment doesn't occur. There can be a lot of external influences on the relationship that the parent is not in control of. Through therapy, I think my daughter and I are seeing some benefits.

I have been wondering a bit about what secure attachment and insecure attachment mean. Is this right:
secure = you are confident the other person loves and cares for you, and you do not doubt the relationship and worry the other person will withdraw, reject, or abandon you
insecure = you are always doubting the other person's investment in the relationship and worrying that they will withdraw, reject, or abandon you

If that is it, it can give me some insights to view my marriage relationship through the lens of attachment. I was never securely attached with my H, because he blocked me at every turn. I tried and tried and he wouldn't permit it. As a result, I had a lot of insecurity about the relationship and this has carried over to the rest of my life, making me feel unworthy of love, distrusting a person's intentions, and doubting that someone would accept my love. I have a lot of damage to undo from the marriage. I think the most healing thing for this is successful relationships. My relationship with my therapist has been healing in that way. It gives me the experience of connection and attachment so that my brain cells remember what that feels like. It's like (re-)learning to ride a bike with training wheels.

Amazing! Fantastic!

I had what I felt to be a life-changing moment in therapy a while back, and it too was provoked by a dream. (Aren't dreams amazing?) I too felt an overwhelming joy in my session, and it was wonderful to be able to share that with my T. It is wonderful you were able to share your joy and happiness with your T, MissCharlotte. I think you are going to make some swift progress now.