Chronicles #4

TGIF -- it was a really really really hard week at work and no T to vent to.

I just had a feeling of anger wellng up inside me. I am so angry that he isn't here to take care of me.I wish I could have a session. The anger feels helpless -- much like a child who has no control over her environment.

And I feel like coping in a not good way. And I am so mad at him.. . and I want to cry.

Ugh.

Oh, Miss C, I'm sorry you feel alone right now. Wanting someone to be with us, and knowing they can't be, is a hard thing. Especially when it's someone that we know we can usually rely on soooo much.

Instead of coping by doing things that harm you, what can you do to take care of yourself right now? To show yourself that even though T can't be there, you deserve gentle care?

Oh (((((((((((((Miss))))))))))))))))). What a hard day. I so wish T were there.

Do you have yoga tomorrow? Would a cup of tea be good? A meditation CD? A funny movie?

I wonder if you can just accept how you feel...just kind of know it feels AWFUL, acknowledge it...and then instead of doing something that hurts you, giving yourself the gift of doing something relaxing, or fun, or mindless for a little while.

Hey - remember when you were with your "inner T" a couple of days ago? What would "inner T" tell you?

Lots of to you.

Inner T is gone. Outer T is gone. Bother. I can't find him or me. And I don't want to take care of myself either -- I want T to do that. THAT is how I am feeling right now. Yuck.

Oh blah, I know that feeling. I'm sorry Miss C

(((((((((((((((((MissCharlotte)))))))))))))))))))) How much longer???

(((((((((((MissC)))))))))))) --
I know how you feel about work -- it's enough to have to deal with our own issues much less that of others! Can you tell us what's going on there?

I know exactly how you feel about your T! It gets to a point where all the emotions stack up, some are contradictory to each other, and it becomes almost unbearable or just plain flat out unbearable. It's difficult when the one who offers us such comfort and relief also triggers unbearable pain! I was in the place where you are on Wed./Thurs. where I couldn't send the anger anywhere because I couldn't talk to T so I just wanted to send it inward. As you always tell us, PLEASE take gentle care of yourself. If you want to yell at your T, just post it here and we'll listen to you!

You're in my thoughts, MissC. Keep posting!
Sending you lots of

((((((Miss C))))))

I so understand. How can he leave when you need him so badly. You can vent here about work, too. We will understand and maybe there will be some wise words for you- I know we are not t, but.....

Like Tree said, is there some comfort you can get from outside yourself- so you dont have to force yourself to nurture yourself? Can someone in RL be there? She had good suggestions...yoga class, some gentle tea or a funny movie.....someone to watch a funny movie with you???

Keep posting....even if you have to cry into the keyboard....

(((((MissC)))))

Is there someone else in your life you can connect with? Even if only briefly.... Can you share a hug with someone?

I am hoping the days pass quickly until your T's return.