i should have scheduled an extra appt this week

i see my t every other week but i think i should have scheduled an appointment for this week too. i was shuttling my mom every day to radiation treatment for her breast cancer and having to deal with my family of origin was definitely challenging. sick people (me) trying to take care of other sick people (mom) is not a great idea. i love my mom but she still drives me crazy at times! i'm having anger and obsessive thoughts come up lately at having to deal with family crap. i'm not sure how to get unstuck from this anger and obsessive thoughts. i just keep going around and round on it and i'm not usually someone who gets angry. i guess i'm just fried from a long, physically & emotionally exhausting week.

((((((((((((((((((reflection))))))))))))))))))

That sounds really hard...it's really challenging (to say the least) to take care of sick relatives and it's really challenging to deal with family of origin stuff and the combo can really take it out of you.

The weekend is coming up...can you do something nice for yourself? Do you get a break from caring for mom this weekend? It is SO IMPORTANT to take time to care ourselves when we are taking care of someone else.

I hope you get lots of rest this weekend. And maybe if you know you have another week like this coming up, you could go ahead and schedule that extra appointment. That would be a great way to take care of yourself.

Take gentle care of YOU.

((((Reflection)))) I think that says it all. Yes, of course schedule the extra appt. It would seem that this is the time for extra nurturing from your t and to talk about the anger and obsessive thoughts

Is there anyone else to help with your mom? Only you?

Give yourself some gentle caring this week

does eating ice cream count? fortunately the treatment is pretty much over now except for follow-up appointments which my mom can get to on her own. the cancer hadn't spread so thankfully no chemo is needed.

thanks, hopefully my loud neighbor won't wake me up at 9 am like she did last sat morning when i was exhausted.

thanks tree i'm feeling better than when i posted earlier. i think my obsessing finally broke. phew!

((((((((((Reflection)))))))))))))) --
You have a full plate! Don't forget to take care of YOU. I also obsess insanely so, unfortunately, I don't have answers. But know that you're not alone. Take care!

lol

it seems too late now as the treatment is over and i'll see t on wed. i can make it til then. it dawned on me too late to make an extra appointment.

my sis and i are both helping out. having to go to radiation twice a day for 5 days was a lot of driving for both of us. my sis is challenging, to say the least, for me to deal with. :P

thanks clk. so what does clk stand for? click, clack, or cluck?

so, i called my sister to make sure she was okay with the fires here in los angeles getting closer to her house. we talk for a bit and then she started in on me about helping my mom more this coming week. i had finally said something to her last time we talked about her guilt trips on me. i can never do enough in her eyes and i've pretty much had it with all her pressure to help my mom when i'm sick myself and can barely do anything as it is. of course then she starts in on my health and how i'm not doing anything to get better. my sis and mom just can't accept that the doctors have done all they can to help me. all they do is constantly harass me about this to go see more doctors. it is exhausting. it really hurts to have my family show me no emotional support whatsoever as i deal with this. in fact they have made it about 10 times harder (even though my mom is helping me financially which is a huge thing). i've gotten mad at them both lately as trying to reason with them is just impossible. it's their issue but they totally try to make it mine.

Hang on to THIS, reflection. It is THEIR issue.

Family stuff is so tricky...there is a whole lifetime of patterns of interaction, everyone plays their role, and it's SO HARD to break out of. When I had the flu last week, my mom came over to watch my kids while I went to the doctor and I immediately reverted into my childhood behaviors...acting like I was fine (even though I had no voice and could barely stand), being "the grown up", pretending I didn't need anything and I was only a little sick, etc.

I think that even when we have worked HARD on healing, and have changed how we relate to the world in huge ways, being thrown together with our family of origin makes it ridiculously hard to hang on to those new ways of thinking/being. T went to a couples therapy training and in the training, they were saying that when a couple visits one partner's family of origin, the other partner has to step in and play the role of "adult" because the person visiting their family has such a tendency to revert back to "child" in that atmosphere.

I'm sure this is something you talk about with T, since it sounds like an ongoing issue. I know how hard it is. I wonder if she can help you set some boundaries so you can avoid not only dealing with your health issues, but having to deal with people who are unsupportive around those issues.

Be gentle with you. Rest, breathe. Don't be afraid to have boundaries.