[googley]

I'm seeing a new T and doing the background information. I am not sure if I feel comfortable disclosing everything. I feel like I need to disclose my SI history, but I'm not sure that I want to talk about current issues (no current or recent SI, but thoughts). How much do I have to tell? How soon? I'm not sure how much I have to. I don't know how she will react, and I think that is the scariest. Any advice?

[fallenangel337]

I don't think there's any amount you have to tell right away. If you're not comfortable disclosing SI to your new T, I would wait until you are. I think it's an important issue that needs to be brought up at some point, but if you don't feel safe/comfortable jumping in right away, you can always wait until you do.

I was in the same boat when I started seeing my new T...in fact, I even straight up lied when she asked about SI, because I didn't feel comfortable enough disclosing that to her. As I got closer to her, and more comfortable, I eventually did tell her, and despite me being terrified of her response, she was very calm and reassuring about it.

So the short answer is you don't HAVE to tell anything that you don't want to. It would be beneficial to tell her as soon as you feel comfortable enough, but there's no unwritten rule that says you have to tell anything in any amount of time. Take your time with this, and be gentle with yourself.

((((((((((((((((((googley))))))))))))))))))

I agree with fallenangel...you can tell what you want to in your own time. I didn't disclose SI to my T for...maybe a year?? It was something that happened so infrequently, and I just didn't feel comfortable telling him. When the time was right to share it with him, I did. And he was SO good about it, and I didn't regret it at all.

There were some things I told T right away, and some (major) things I didn't tell him until over a year in a half in therapy. T always tells me to listen to my own internal wisdom, and to choose my own pace for sharing things with him. I think that helped me to build trust and to not get (too) overwhelmed.

Hugs to you, googley.

[Kiya]

Yep - i agree with everyone here too =)
(((((((((Googly)))))))))))

when i started with my new i i gave her the basics about me...i told her about my attempts and such (how and when & generally why) but nothing specific. i figured she had a right to know if she was to treat me.

it has been only i'd say withing the past 8 months or so have i been able to really share the sordid details about them to her (beyond the physical mechanics).

like i said...i wanted to be honest with her when i started but i wasn't ready to be brutally honest (i guess with both her and me) yet. i kind of think this is normal.

My line is going to be this:

"New T - there are many things I need to talk with you about, but I simply can not spill all the beans during our first many meetings. If you need all the beans, then I am climbing the stalk outta here."



Seriously, something like that.

[sunrise]

googley, I remember you have seen this T once, and aren't sure you will continue to see her--you're still in that trial period. I think revealing a lot before you have made a commitment to stay with her is not a good idea. Because, if you do end up discontinuing, you might feel vulnerable and exposed--to someone you didn't like well enough to continue with. That is not a good feeling. There will be time enough to tell this T, if you continue with her, that at some time in your past you SIed. There are important things I didn't tell my T until months and months after we started therapy. He was not surprised by this. It takes time to develop trust.

[Confused_1982]

I waited about 6 months before T- he was really good about it, and said he suspected as one session (near the beginning) he saw marks on my arm where my shirt sleeve had ridden up, and i hadnt realised. So he let me tell him in my own time.

I'm with everyone else- wait until you feel safe with new T- whether that be this week, next week, next month or next year- there's no time limit

[ECHOES]

I'm wondering about your statement that you feel like you need to tell T about the SI.

Do you mean you feel that she is expecting you to tell her?
Or that you would like to tell her? Maybe telling her this and seeing her reaction is a way of 'testing' this new person, or maybe a way to bring her closer to you in a protective stance?

just some thoughts.

[googley]

Thank you everyone for your advice. I think I will probably wait for a couple of visits.

Originally Posted by ECHOES

I'm wondering about your statement that you feel like you need to tell T about the SI.

Do you mean you feel that she is expecting you to tell her?
Or that you would like to tell her? Maybe telling her this and seeing her reaction is a way of 'testing' this new person, or maybe a way to bring her closer to you in a protective stance?

just some thoughts.

I think part of it is my want to be a perfect client. If I know that it is something that I should mention, then to be perfect I feel like I need to. The strange thing is that I've mentioned something that I view as worse as she directly asked about it, but this just is more difficult to talk about. I'm scared about how she will react.

Originally Posted by sunrise

googley, I remember you have seen this T once, and aren't sure you will continue to see her--you're still in that trial period. I think revealing a lot before you have made a commitment to stay with her is not a good idea. Because, if you do end up discontinuing, you might feel vulnerable and exposed--to someone you didn't like well enough to continue with. That is not a good feeling. There will be time enough to tell this T, if you continue with her, that at some time in your past you SIed. There are important things I didn't tell my T until months and months after we started therapy. He was not surprised by this. It takes time to develop trust.

Sunrise, I know what you mean about not wanting to open up too much to someone too soon, especially if I'm not going to stay. I had that happen once with a pdoc and and am still disgruntled/angry even years later. It ended up being that the pdoc had no tact and I did feel violated.

It is all so complicated and may have something to do with this other experience also. I think I am worried about the same thing happening, but at the same time want to test the new T to see how she responds. I can't do both at the same time. Ugh.

[ECHOES]

If I know that it is something that I should mention,

Does that come from thinking you know what she expects? And the fear of not being compliant?

I think it is curious to explore why you feel a need to talk about something that makes you worry about what her reaction/response will be. Why right now...?

[deliquesce]

for me, not knowing how someone will respond has always been so much worse than knowing they will respond poorly. if i know they aren't going to cope with my disclosure, then i can pack up shop and find someone else - but if i dont know...? it almost feels like i can't trust them with the basics.

as much as it sucks, i've always told every T i've seen about the SI in the first session (apart from my school counsellor, but i was a kid then so there weren't rules re: privacy). it is mainly for my benefit - i don't want to work with a T who is going to freak out about it, or who doesn't accept clients who have ever even thought about it, or whatever. i just need someone who is going to be like "oh? okay" and move on. a few Ts have asked specific questions about it, and i've always said i didnt want to talk about it further - just wanted to make sure they wouldn't lock me up if i mentioned it in the future .

even though it is not something i struggle with on a daily basis anymore, it's still important for me to know. pdoc and old-T were great about it, and respected me not wanting to talk about it in detail and just flag it as an issue. Austin-T got excited about it () because he runs a self injury clinic and was like "WOWOWOWOW I can HELP!!!!". i had to let him down gently that it wasn't a current concern and he did seem very puppy who lost a bone afterwards.