Speechless

Im looking forward to seeing flat tire t tomorrow. But when I think about it, vacation t cancelled too! I just happen to pick up the call and it was OK to change the day. What is it with these t's?

I dont know what to do now with my current t. I cancelled next monday's appt. (and I told her I was cancelling all thursday appts). She didnt seem to care at all. It will be 2 weeks by the time I have my next scheduled appt. I am assumiing I will like one of the t's I am interviewing, but what do I do from here? Do I tell my t over the phone, after all this time, that I am taking a break? Leaving for good? Have a longer conversation with her onver the phone? Telling her more details about why I dont want to go back? The main issue is money. If I go see her in her office I have to pay cash or use one of my few remaining insurance visits. I prefer to use them on for my interview/new t appts. These appts are expensive.

The phone seems to me like an ungrateful way to end things with her. I would prefer to have a conversation with her. Maybe I should just make the appt and pay for it to talk to her? What the heck would I say? My t doesnt like it at all when I confront her. She barely lets me get the words out of my mouth before she cuts me off and changes the subject. It is very frustrating. She wont let me finish! When I think about going one last time, I would be saying things she is not going to be happy about. The phone could be a short conversation. Really, all I want to say is that I want a break for an indefinite period of time. I dont want to burn a bridge with her or hurt her feelings. I dont think it is necessary to tell her that I perceive her to be uncaring and cold and it triggers painful feelings for me. That her neutral, blank approach adds fuel to the fire. Can I really say these things? That I need a warmer approach? Is using the word "warmer" in that way a judgement of her? I dont want to be judgemental, I would rather keep the focus on my feelings and tell her how she makes me feel as opposed to telling her what he motives are. I really dont know what the heck her motives could be.

I also could avoid it all and tell her Im taking a break and not call her again.....but that would leave it very open-ended for me. That is how I have ended relationships in the past, and I like the drama that creates, but it is more healing for me to sort out what I feel and what I will say.

Any thoughts?

And, after saying all of this, I feel like I am making this big mistake by leaving someone who cares about me (in her way) to search for who knows what. She knows me well and knows details about my family. OK- Ive gotten some weird advice, but she knows them and me.

Didnt I once post about how lousy I am at making decisions?

Hey,

My T changed appointment times today too. Of course I totally freaked out when I got there. I told her that I wasn't a priority and I always get my time knocked out. But she never does that to anyone else. Well, I inserted my foot in my mouth because she had an emergency dr. appointment.

I guess talk to your T. Let her know all your feelings.

Bloom- Youre right. Forget the signs......
And you just crack me up.....Arent I supposed to be trying to get my head back on its axis? Isnt that what therapy is for??????

((((((((((((bluemoon))))))))))))))

I hope that your new T will show you what it is REALLY like to be cared about. My guess is you'll look back and not worry about Desk T at ALL.

As for how to end it...I was seeing a T for meditation instruction last winter and it ended BADLY. I did kind of leave it open-ended...just told her I wasn't ready to see her again when my next appointment came up and then never contacted her after that. I really thought it would eat away at me, but I was SO ready to let her go, that it didn't bug me at ALL. If you think leaving it open-ended will be stressful for you, then I hope you can find a way to put some closure on it. I know the wise people at PC will have lots of good ideas for you about how to do it

Desk T ... Flat Tire T ... I wonder what nickname would fit my T?

Tree- Im sure they will....I have a little time for of all the wisdom to be posted........

Desk t!!!! I love it!
OK- I have: Desk T, flat tire t, vacation t, abrupt t, reiki t, and my friend's t,

Tree and D&C- what would you call your t's? Or maybe you cant name your own t- we have to name your t for you.....hmmmmm.....

Bluemoon, I'm glad you are feeling better. I'm in awe that you could go from being very distressed to meeting with your daughter's teacher!

Flat tire T sounds caring. I love that she kept in touch. Gonna take her a can of Fix-a-Flat when you go?

I like the sound of Flat Tire T..........



This is an important piece of info. Whenever I'm looking at what to do about a relationship I always weigh the benefits and costs of whatever I will do. If the costs far outweigh the benefits I will walk without looking back.

My T is now Ringer T after tonight's session. First, her office phone rang as we first started to talk - she apologized and shut the ringer off. And then just as we were starting to get into the EMDR, her cell phone ringer went off! T apologized again, shut it off, and said, "**** happens." How could I not laugh at that?

So now my T is Ringer T, as in TURN OFF THE DARN RINGER BEFORE MY SESSION STARTS, T!

When I got the phone call from the principal right after I spoke to Flat tire t, I just sort of shut everything off and was glad to be able to fix my daughters scheduling problem. It shocked me out of my tears and I thought I have to move on. It was like a movie- t after t cancelling on me. So weird.

When I spoke to flat tire t she said, "I have a new tire so I'll be able to get there." She had sort of a sense of humor about it, but I could tell she cared that I was upset.
Maybe I should bring an inner tube just in case (maybe thats for bicycles....)

LOL! Ringer T- I like it!
And she has GOT TO shut those ringers off!

You know what Sannah- youre very right. Paying for a session to talk to her might not be fruitful at all. She will sit there silently and probably not let me finish once she realizes she is getting "criticized." It really is the way it goes with her. It may be more fruitful to say something short on the phone.

I totally need to come up with nicknames for my T. Awesome T is the only thing coming to mind.

Finally I have a chance to get online! I burst out l laughing at these names, like flat tire T and Desk T and Ringer T! My mouth flew open when I read that your prospective T cancelled, BlueMoon, but she sounds so caring, that I have a good feeling about her! Sometimes bad things just happen, and we don't know why, but flat tire T sounds good! I hope it goes well tomorow!!!

I suppose my T is Good Enough T. Even though our last phone call wasn't what I wanted, I forgave her because she is human. I would rather have her be human than be perfect, I decided. She is good enough, and that makes me feel so much better. I feel at peace with therapy.

I'm coming in late here, Bluemoon, but I'm really glad this ended up working out okay. It sounds as if Flat Tire T already cares about you. You're off to a good start...even though haven't officially seen her yet. I hope your appointment goes well.

I've always hated calling my old therapist "T". Maybe Gentle Strength T. I always told him that's what he conveyed...gentle strength. I like it.