[mixedup_emotions]

Ugh.

OK, so I'm going through a divorce which will be final in a couple weeks. I am trying to block it out of my mind, because I find it incredibly painful to know that I will no longer be "Mrs."....

I know there's a grieving process that I will be going through....that I am avoiding right now....because it hasn't happened yet. *sigh* But it's coming up quickly....and I am dreading it.



Anyhoo....

I've been on an anti-depressant for years, and my T just found out. I don't know why we didn't discuss it before, but it never came up until my last session. My T felt that I should talk to my dr about weaning myself off the meds....I thought it was an odd time to do that, considering I've never been so depressed in my life and am quickly approaching the finalization of my divorce. I was considering talking to my dr about increasing the dosage!!

Anyway, I had an appt with my dr tonight, and he knows about my husband, the divorce, the depression, the panic attacks, etc. I told him about T's suggestion, and he said it was an asinine suggestion....and that divorce is among the top two most stressful things for someone to endure and is usually a cause for people to go on anti-depressants. It's not the time to deal with weaning off the meds. And because of the panic attacks, etc. my dr then decided to not only NOT consider weaning me off, but he increased my dosage!

I'm not sure I plan to actually increase the dosage....



Another issue....

I have a T appt on Thursday, and we're supposed to start trauma work. Lately, when I've been going to therapy, it's been just talking about the day to day struggles.....and we hadn't been addressing the panic attacks because they usually are about unresolved past issues - which we weren't dealing with because of the current divorce "crisis"...which he feels that I'm "out of"....I agreed with it at the time.

So....

Not only do I think it's a bad time to wean myself off the anti-depressants, but I now think it's a bad time to start trauma work....because I fear the anxiety, pain, etc. that it stirs up....and could be compounded by the grief of my divorce....

UGH.

I guess I should talk to T about this? I don't know.

[mixedup_emotions]

Now I'm starting to wonder how much of this dilemma is me avoiding facing the trauma work....

Ugh.

[Dr.Muffin]

did your therapist mention why he thought you should start coming off the anti-dep? maybe finding out the reasoning behind that might help you to make the med decision. as for the trauma stuff, that, im not sure about. its a legitimate concern, i think, but its always hard to determine whether you are hiding behind it to avoid the trauma work. you could say in your next session that youre not feeling up to it (if in fact you arent) and talk with your therapist about why...

[jexa]

First of all,

This is tough, tough stuff. I agree with your dr, that now is not a good time to wean off antidepressants! I am not sure why your T would suggest that for you at such a difficult time in your life. Perhaps he had his reasons -- maybe you should ask why?

I know if it were me I would not be ready to do trauma work until the divorce was final and my life was somewhat stable, in some kind of routine I felt good about so things don't get thrown all helter-skelter and leave me a total wreck.

This is not the same, but I just ended a 3-year relationship and my boyfriend is moving out. What a disaster these things leave behind! I would not be ready!

(((((((((mixed)))))))))

it does seem a bit odd for t to suggest weaning you off the AD right now. maybe he doesn't realize how much the impending divorce is affecting you? i do think your concerns about doing the trauma work sound legitimate. can you contact t before this week's appt to let him know you aren't sure you're ready for the trauma work? maybe you can start work on the divorce stuff instead. be gentle with yourself.

[Dr.Muffin]

just to play devil's advocate here....its never a "good" time to work on trauma. ever!

it might be enlightening to look back on one's therapy relationship (preferably with the therapist) and look for patterns. specifically, how often are you working through crises and not on the deeper issues? could that be a form of resistance/avoidance?

just something to think about....if it doesnt apply then it doesnt apply!

[mixedup_emotions]

Thanks everyone.....

My T told me that he was unsure if the AD are having a negative effect on me...explaining that we need our feelings in order to push us to take action. I told him that I HAVE been taking action! QUICKLY too...And he agreed, so I don't know....

We talked about how I prefer to bury my feelings, and that he feels that the AD helps me do that....

He might be right....but I still don't think that the timing is right....

As far as working through crisis versus the deeper issues....there was a time when we were doing a little of both - because some things were going on that triggered some really painful memories from my childhood - but then the deeper issues had to take a back seat due to my separation, sinking into quite a depression, etc.

My T feels that I am out of crisis now, and he may be right....but I am still concerned that just knowing my divorce will be final in a couple weeks AND doing trauma work will just be too much for me to take on at the same time.

I am not going off the AD.....It's just not a good time. I have enough on my plate.