Do T's feel abandoned by their clients?

I know when our T's have to take a vacation, attend to an emergency matter, or reschedule we tend to have feeling of abandonment. Especially if we have gotten really close or attached. Can the same be said if the leaving or rescheduling is done on our terms? I'm just curious and want to know what you all think.

I think it is just a subset of clients who feel abandoned by their Ts when they take a vacation or have an emergency. (I don't feel that way.) I may miss him and look forward to seeing him again or be disappointed because I'm eager to continue our work, but that seems different. Maybe I don't feel abandoned when he takes vacation because I have a secure attachment to my T. I know he is coming back, that he isn't going away because he personally doesn't like me, etc. I expect that if T is attached to me, it is securely and so he would also not have this issue. Plus, I think the T is very used to leaving all his clients behind while he does stuff and expects that clients will take vacations too, etc. I just don't see it as an issue for the T. If I reschedule an appointment with him, I am sure he doesn't take it personally. If he feels anything when I reschedule, I expect it might be mild annoyance, of the "darn, she canceled and now I have an empty slot to fill on short notice" or something of that variety, or maybe he might even like it, "great, she canceled, now I can sleep in tomorrow." Plus, the scheduling is done on both of our terms. We never meet unless it is a time we both have free.

This is what I aspire to, Sunny! I cannot imagine ever being that grown-up. I like reading things like this so I know what healthy attachement looks like.

I cant speak for any t, but I dont think it would be feelings of abandonment (unless this continued to be an particular issue for that t), but maybe sad feelings if a client leaves. Questioning themselves maybe. Im sure they have the same feelings that we would, but I would hope they have enough emotional health and tools to deal with whatever comes up. I SO wonder what my t would feel if I said a permanant good-bye. Would she blow it off? Would she feel sad? Would she hear my concerns? For sure, as has been my realtionship with her, she wouldnt share her feelings with me. A big obstacle in our relatonship.

For cancelling an appointment or attending to an emergency matter- I sure hope a t I would have wouldnt feel abandoned. Rather just concern for the patient's emergency or reason for rescheduling.

ive never felt abandoned when a client went on vacation, canceled an appointment or the like. i actually see it as growth...along the lines of what sunrise said, the fact that the client can do what he/she needs to do for him/herself without wondering if i will still be there when they get back is a good thing. however, i will admit to feeling concerned when a client drops off the face of the earth so to speak...its not about me though, its about hoping that my client is okay and that nothing terrible has happened. you know, the therapist is never on the list of people that get contacted when something happens! well, almost never.

Thanks Dr. Muffin. It so great to hear a T's pov I don't have any personal feelings of abandonment with my T,but have read so much of this on the boards. It's good to hear about the other side.

I doubt that mine feels abandoned. If I don't check in for awhile and he doesn't know why, he does give me a call just to see how things are going, but I doubt he has spent his time pining away.

I have read articles on this before and from what I've read it sounds like if there is some strong transference and counter-transference in the T/Client relationship and then there is a fracture in treatment and the client leaves abruptly or fires the T without giving the T closure, that this has triggered some abandonment type emotions/feelings in certain T's.

But...I think that T's see clients as taking vacations and managing their schedules/appts as good self care and only become concerned if the rescheduling/cancelation of appts becomes problematic for treatment. Then they just want to find out what's going on.

My opinions though...

I had to go down to once a week for a while at the end of last year, and T told me it was an adjustment for him too...he said on Thursdays (the day I gave up for a while) he would look at his schedule and think "awwww..."

I saw him Mondays at 1 for a LONG time, and in the past few months have switched to Tuesdays. He told me he STILL looks at his Monday at 1 and freaks out when he has another client there instead of me

I know he doesn't feel abandoned at all, but it's nice to know when he misses me

I saw a T for many years and then left therapy abruptly (I announced mid-session that I wouldn't be coming back again). I reconnected with this T many years later and she describes the abrupt termination as being very painful for her. It wasn't a sense of abandonment as such for her (she was never 'dependent' on me) but a lack of closure, and a sense of great concern for me.

I would think most Ts would not feel abandoned by clients that go on vacation or abruptly terminate because a) most ts do not have abandonment or dependency issues b) most ts are NOT dependent on thier clients, but get their personal fulfilment from the significant others in their lives and c) professionally, most (hopefully!) ts are aware of their own counter-transference issues and can deal with them objectively.

Having siad that I do think Ts can develop very authentic and deep relationships with their clients and can certainly 'miss' them.

my t will be spending my vacation in the the "official rest home for t's" a place where t's needing to regroup from feeling severe abandonment issues when their patients leave can go to receive treatment.

(okay it's either that or she's dancing in the conga line with the other office staff behind atilla...chanting..."she's gone!" )

i prefer the former

stumpy

I agree with Luce, I think Ts can develop a connection with some clients that they may miss when therapy is over. However I don't think they likely experience this as abandoment.I think if the you just suddenly stop coming, they likely wonder what happen and maybe even review your care to see if they could have handled you differently.

i agree with sunny that not every client feels distress when their T goes on a holiday or something. though, i don't know if i'm securely attached because () i actually look forward to when pdoc and Austin-T go on leave. i get really excited for them, but i also feel relieved that i know they are looking after themselves. that's probably because i'm gonna be a T one day too, and i work better with healthy modelling. i get stressed out when i find out they aren't doing basic self care.

as for whether they feel abandoned... i don't think it's abandonment as such, but i know that pdoc misses me when i cancel an appt because he has mentioned it in the past. not that he was pining for me or anything, lol, but just like what tree mentioned with her T.

also, there was this one time a few years ago when pdoc called me to make sure i was ok. i was in the middle of a really bad depression, and hadn't seen him for a few weeks, and he was stressing out and couldn't let go. the way he worded his call, i almost suspect he might have had supervision for it or something. he was very upfront about the fact that he was calling more for his own sake than for mine. he was terribly apologetic about it, too. poor pdoc. i think he has learnt to trust himself more now and doesn't mind breaking the rules so much.

i think... it's not "abandonment" that therapists would feel so much as a maybe "rejection". abadonment has that sense of them needing us, whereas with rejection it speaks more to their professional competencies etc. having been to a number of therapists now, i know there are some who care about me very deeply and who take it beyond what is required of them professionally, and then there are other where i am just another face in a sea of clients.

I also never had a problem when my therapist went on vacation, other than simply missing him and looking forward to his return.

I have no doubt that therapists care for their clients, but I really doubt that my T ever would have felt abandoned by me. He did say, though, in response to my telling him that I would miss him when I left therapy, that he'd miss me too. He always came across as a very happy and well-adjusted type of guy. I honestly think he felt happy for me that I was moving on in the world. And maybe content in knowing that he had done his job well and could let me out of the nest, so to speak.