[googley]

There are some weeks that seem to go by so quickly. And then there are other weeks that seem to be so slow. Last week was a slow one because of my anxiety of seeing T. I'm afraid that this one is going to be a slow one too. We were talking about some stuff and getting into some stuff that I hadn't dealt with before. But now I want to be back there. In session. Not necessarily talking about it again. But I want to feel safe. I want to curl up in my chair with my stuffed animal and just sit there with her sitting across from me. I just want to listen to her talk about things that are inconsequential. Her voice is soothing. I don't want to have to wait another week. It just seems too far away. It's like bad things can't happen there. I just want to feel safe. Does anyone understand?

[Thimble]

Originally Posted by googley

Does anyone understand?

I do. And my therapist has been complying with my need for this right now - I sit there and get to be safe, and he talks (about whatever - this, that and the other thing). It is very therapeutic. Could you call and request an earlier (or extra) appointment?

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by googley

I just want to feel safe. Does anyone understand?

do I ever. Googley, this is me too. I see T next Tues and the dread is a terrible weight. If I had brakes I'd be putting them on. I just want to feel safe - but I don't.

When I actually see her, it usually gets better; but I think not this time. Even the room isnt safe; this time, she said, she's going to use the Tres Pass

and I gave it to her!!!

[googley]

Thimble-
I don't think I could ask for another appointment. I'm being seen on a sliding scale and money is an issue. It was hard when we first started to deal with the number of times per week and money. I don't want to bring it back up again.

SAWE-
What is the Tres pass? I hope your T's office feels safe soon.

I realized that I'm feeling vulnerable. All open and exposed. I hate it.

((((((((((((((((googley)))))))))))))))))))

I DO understand. I have sessions sometimes when I just need to feel safe and find my footing again. It helps just to be there.

Would calling T help? Sometimes hearing my T's voice is so soothing and helpful and I feel so cared for. (Sometimes it's just awkward and doesn't help at all.)

Really, the only thing that (kind of) helps when I feel like that is distracting myself. I read a good book, or watch movies, or hang out with friends...just SOMETHING so I don't have a lot of down time to miss T.

I hope it passes quickly, googly

[WePow]

((((( Googley )))))

I understand. Right now my heart feels shattered from THE flashback 8 days ago. And just like you said - the idea of just being SAFE with T is really all I want to do.

[Melbadaze]

I had to think about this. The first yr in therapy was once a week, due to needing to be stablised first, and yes waiting for each monday to come round was awful.

I then went 2x and the inbetween was still difficult. 5ys on and still 2x wkly, I can stay that the inbetween is now bearable, I won't lie and say I don't at times desperately want to see T at times still, but
No, its not-as-unbearable. If your allowed inbetween contact then that may help.

[ECHOES]

Yes, Some weeks I am oftentimes lost in thought and experiencing this between sessions.

[sittingatwatersedge]

[quote=googley;1266028]SAWE-
What is the Tres pass? quote]

at Christmas I gave my T a booklet of handmade coupons
one of them was The Tres Pass, which allows the bearer to enter into forbidden territory.
Just once.
She has told me she is going there next time we meet (tues) and my back muscles cramp up if I think about it, the shame is tremendous. I already feel like a bug on a pin.

I gave her those coupons because I know I need a push now and then, and apparently she thinks it's time, so I am Ok with trying it, but I am so scared.

[Christina86]

(((((((((Googley))))))))))))))

Waiting is hard.

Listening to people talk, even about inconsequential things is really soothing for me - depending on the person. Not even just T, but T or pdoc both have calming voices that are nice to listen to.

Feeling safe is good. I'd call if you want to/can... I'll admit that over the past almost two months since I've last seen my T, I've called her voicemail sporadically, either to just hear her voice (aka to make sure she's still there) or to leave her a random message. Not that she'd call me back since she's on vacation though.

Be good, take care of YOU.