What are your experiences with therapists?

I have been to 4 different therapists and they were all very different.

The first one did not speak. She just sat there and I would spill out my feelings and then I would look back at her. She didn't say anything. This made me talk more just to fill the silence. I didn't care for this. Supposedly this is a form of psychotherapy, but I found it annoying.

The second one was awful. She scolded me. One day I came in feeling more hopeless than usual. I basically said, "I don't care anymore". She replied saying that she saw a bad future for me. Something like, "I see you depending on others in the future. You'll be in a bad position, depending on other men and they'll take advantage of you." Not exactly encouraging.

The third one was very nice. I talked and she responded in a noncritical way. She would also talk to my mother and give her advice for how to deal with me in a nonjudgmental way. Unfortunately she got too expensive.

The next one is like the third one except a lot cheaper. She gives me realistic advice that I can actually apply to my life.

So what are your experiences with therapy? I am interested because I am interested in this and am considering a career. (I know, a basketcase treating other basketcases? I just want to help others and seeing psychologists has inspired me even more. I want to help others like they've helped me.)

Lots of people who've been in therapy or affected by mental illness go on to help others in a similar way... I know it's crossed my mind that I could become a therapist in the future, but not right now.

Many different therapist experiences here on the board, lemme tell you!

I, too, have had very different experiences with Ts. Avoid the ones that give your gut a bad feeling. The ones who are so-so, I've found giving them a few sessions helps figure them out. The good ones are obvious.

Money definitely plays a role in it all. I wish it didn't! But the greatest therapist in the world is no good if you can't afford her.

Like being stuck in molasses, or quicksand. The more you struggle, the worse it gets.

When a therapist suddenly stops taking your insurance, that's the worst. It also happened with some of my doctors and dentists. It sort of gives you a sense of abandonment.

Most of my experiences with therapists have been good. The only ones who didn't like were the ones that were too emotional with me. I prefer strength in my therapists. I don't want someone to feel sorry for me. I need someone who will guide me, lead me, and kick me in the butt every now and then.

I had one particularly bad one who started telling me about her own abuse. Yuck. I ran the other direction. I had another who just wanted to pat me on the back and say poor you. Creeped me out. Both happened to be female, thus the reason I refuse to see female therapist any more. I'd had enough.

I need a therapist who will really talk to me. I don't do well with one who passively sits back and expects me to lead the whole session. I'm too shy for that. I need more interaction than that.

I am so glad to hear that you quit the therapists who weren't working out for you and that you found one who did.

I have quit quite a few -- but in a couple of cases, I quit long after I should, and am still dealing with the aftereffects many years later. Those two were in some ways like your second therapist, saying dire things.

For example one said, "I can't help you if you take everything I say as criticism." Regrettably, I reacted by feeling guilty and ashamed of "taking everything she said as criticism". It wasn't until four years later that I remembered/realized that I hadn't taken everything she said as criticism -- but that I found much of what she said just plain shocking and/or inappropriate. One example: When I said I was somewhat shy, she said, "You gave up your power."

The second said (when I finally said I was going to quit seeing her), "You'll never get better if you keep seeking the perfect therapist". By that time I had started reading about cognitive therapy and recognized these comments as examples of what the cognitive therapists consider distorted thoughts. Your second therapist's comments also fit into their category of distorted thoughts.

If you care to know more about my experiences, please see my posts in the threads "Older Clients" and "Problems and Progress in Therapy"

My advice for a future therapist: Please remember that everyone is different; one size does not fit all.

Also, in previous posts in the threads mentioned above, I've mentioned books on therapy that I recommend; they can help you see the variety in clients and their needs.

Thanks very much for starting this thread.

Right now I am a freshman in college taking Intro to Psych and guess what was on the lesson plan this morning? Yup, approaches to therapy. We started with the humanistic approach which made a lot of sense to me. It focused on unconditional positive regard and empathy. I think it definitely fit in with my current T. Time ran out before we talked about other approaches.

Formally, my T goes by eclectic. Not sure what my 1st T would be. Not that she was a bad therapist, just not for me. I'm sure that approach works well with others. Actually it did work with me to some extent. When you babble on and on for an hour you start to realize some things. Also, there is this relaxing exhaustion at the end of it.

I got the one on treating "impossible" clients (me). Now to read it.

i'm guessing your first one was psychoanalytic...strongly!

I have had a few different therapists. None of my therapists were like your first one - they all interacted openly with me.

I saw my first therapist when I was 13. She did some play therapy with me and I imagine her style would be called eclectic. She was young, an intern. I loved her so much, and my depression did improve somewhat under her care. I looked forward to seeing her every week. Then she had to leave because it was the end of her internship. I think I didn't understand what was happening at the time and I remember feeling very, very abandoned. That took a toll on me. Then, my next therapist was awful. I think she just didn't know how to relate to kids. Our sessions were extremely awkward and she just kept asking me what I wanted to get out of therapy. I was 13! I didn't know! After a couple of months with her, I stopped therapy and told my parents I didn't need it anymore.

I saw some other therapists off and on but none of them lasted, and I don't really remember them. One was for a few months when I was 15 after I disclosed my CSA stuff to a teacher, through the Department of Children and Families. She was nice. I think she just did the supportive counseling thing, no particular style. I was able to talk about what happened with her.. which helped, perhaps? It's hard to tell. Then we had various family therapists. I always hated family therapy and never really opened up in there.

In my freshman year of college I had a therapist who was very motherly, very kind to me. She was psychodynamic and I liked the style because it was intellectually stimulating, but it didn't actually help me solve my issues at all and instead got me even more stuck in my head than I was before. She couldn't save me from myself after the SA I experienced that year and I totally fell apart under her care, so she referred me to her supervisor, a man. I could not open up to him. That was really awkward for me. I ended up doing better when I quit therapy, quit trying so hard, and just decided to live and breathe.

I actually was pretty mentally healthy for the next few years! Things in my life were pretty stable, and I was happy for a long time.

I decided to give therapy another go when I was trying and failing to make friends due to my social anxiety. I started with a CBT therapist who was nice overall but not... I guess I don't think she was a very deep person. I never got attached to her because it felt like she was not real. And her memory wasn't very good, so she would forget important things I told her and it upset me. She would also sometimes say things that were off-putting, such as calling me a name, meaning to joke around, but it was offensive to me. CBT (at least her way of doing it) really didn't work for me - I started CONSTANTLY monitoring my thoughts for the SLIGHTEST negativity and then obsessively trying to believe the positive things I was telling myself. Ugh! She told me that right now it was frustrating, but that it would become a habit and would stop feeling unnatural. Well, it didn't, and I got worse. I stayed in therapy far too long with her - 7 months - before giving up.

Then, in May, my OCD started. I always had obsessive tendencies and then I started working in an OCD clinic, and all of a sudden WHAM I had clinical OCD. It SUCKS. And then I fell apart all over the place and wound up trying another therapist. I am in therapy right now. I really, really like her. A lot. She cares about me so much and I can tell she thinks about my therapy between sessions and wants to do her job well with me. She does Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, which I think is awesome, and I think I'm making some improvements but it's such a stumbling path. In the middle of therapy I broke up with my boyfriend so it's hard to tell if my lack of sufficient improvement is really me holding it together in therapy when without it I'd be unable to function. I don't know. I plan to see her for a while, until I start grad school, and I have hope that she will help me improve much more once my life situation becomes stable (starting January 1!).

Like you, I want to be a therapist one day! I hope to be a clinical psychologist.

And yep, I'm a basket case - but now that I'm working in the field, I'm seeing that most psychologists have issues of their own and have just found ways not to let their issues interfere with their jobs. Of course, I'm going to need to get a lot better if I'm going to be a therapist - that's my goal before grad school, to feel "okay" enough to be a therapist - but it's okay if I'm still neurotic. I'll probably always be a little neurotic. In fact, I think it gives me an advantage - I know what these people are going through, and I'm getting through it too, and if I can function with my issues, I can teach them to do the same. You know?

Best of luck!

EDIT: WHOA that ended up being long!!

I like hearing about other people's Ts, so thanks for starting this thread, Jill326.

My first T was somewhat helpful with my depression. I think she followed a CBT model, although I didn't know it at the time. Her main successes with me were behavioral. She helped me improve my sleep habits, build my outside support network of friends and family, and provided a place where I could go talk about my problems. She didn't do too much cognitive work with me as that was not a major problem area. She was unable to really help me with relational issues, which is why I had come to therapy. I was profoundly stuck and she couldn't help. I asked her if she had any ideas on how to get unstuck, but she didn't. She had a pretty limited skill set and I outgrew her. She never suggested anything but surface work, and I needed something more to move forward. She was quite nice, and I did not dislike her.

My second (and current) T was very different. I have seen him for individual and couples therapy. He is eclectic, but if asked, I think he would say he was Family Systems. There is also a strong strain of the humanistic approach throughout his work. He has been extremely helpful and has a huge skill set. He is willing to go deep and do real healing. He is strong, warm, and emotional. I am extremely close to him, and our relationship itself has been so important to our work and for my healing. We have done trauma work, which helped me get unstuck. After working with him, I understand much better how my issues were really beyond my first T's capabilities.

I saw my third T concurrently with my second T, for family therapy with a family member. I liked him quite a bit. He was also Family Systems. He had a number of practical suggestions for me and my family member, although we were unable to implement many of them. I'm not sure how helpful he really was in the way I had hoped for, but we still got some positives from therapy. It was not a bad experience, and I'm glad we did it. If I didn't already have an individual therapist, I would be interested to work with him individually. It would be interesting. I felt somewhat of a relationship with him, but it is hard to form the ultra-close relationship with a T in family therapy that you would in individual. (The dynamic is so different.) Sometimes I miss him.

when i first started seeing a psychiatrist i got really down because i was already studying psychology and thought i would have to give up the "become a therapist" dream. instead, what i've found is that everyone has fully supported me and really pushed me towards cotinuing, even when i've been ambivalent. given that 50% of the population experience a mental disorder at some point in their lives, and that this is significantly higher in the helping professions, i don't think we'll be in cold company when we finally get to register.

i have seen a number of therapists, some good, some bad. the best one is my current T and he has a personality disorder. i love him all the more because of it and i really do believe that him being open about it with me has helped me in my therapy too.