[crystalrose]

T has not called me the termination was abrupt sudden not discussed or worked through. T didn't know i was leaving in the week i did. I have had a few appointments scheduled that i haven't attended and T never called me. She doesn't care

[DoggyBonz]

Sorry you are going through this but I am confused by what happened. Did you cause the termination or did your therapist? Were you planning on ending it?
A few years ago my therapist terminated with me in a very unprofessional manner and it was really tough and I went through a great deal.
If you were the one who decided to terminate why would therapist call you? Also, have you tried to call her and set up an appointment to figure this out?

[rainbow8]

Crystal, I'm confused too. I'm sorry for your pain, but isn't it you who decided you couldn't handle the termination process and decided never to see her again? If you read over your past threads, you'll see where you posted that, I believe. You've known for a long time that December was the termination date. I remember you talking about it last year.

But if you're having regrets, can't you call her? Ts hardly ever call clients. The client has to call first. That's been discussed in the forum before. So, please don't agonize over this until you call her. If you've changed your mind about an abrupt termination, hopefully your T will let you come back. Please call her and see what she says before you jump to conclusions.

Crystal, I'm confused too. It was you who terminated when you did, wasn't it? If you want to see her again, make an appointment and keep it so you can work through some of this.

HI Crystal,

I know you want your T to call you, and it hurts that she doesn't. But if you still can see her even if it is just for a couple of sessions, it will be hard, but it would help you I think. I had a horrible experience with my first T, I worked with him for 2 1/2 years and then I fired him and saw a new T the same week. I am still struggling with that termination. Please don't do like me. Facing this termination which I am sure feels like abadonment from her, will help you, believe me it feels much worse if you don't work through this.

[Elysium]

Crystal....T does care!! It's called tough love sweety!!

A person and their T have a very special relationship. It is one of the most in-depth relationships a person can have and it is based on trust.

Basically what you told T by leaving how you did was that you were not available to work on your issues any more and that she could not trust you to do the appropriate thing, which would be to communicate with her and allow her to be the best T she could be.

T's don't have time to go chasing after their clients. They expect their clients to commit to hard work, and if they can't then they can't, but it's to difficult on them career wise and emotionally to run after someone who is content on running away.

Nobody likes to be abandoned. T's either. Why should she go chasing after you if you are demonstrating that you aren't ready to do the work.

Can you honestly blame her?

If you want to know how much T cares, put on your big girl panties and make an appointment with her and get back on the wagon. Otherwise....I doubt T will chase you. She doesn't have the time and won't use her energy that she needs for herself and her other clients who do want to do the work.

This is a bit harsh, I know, but I am truly sending you this message with a caring intent.

[TayQuincy]

Like others have said, T's do not usually call if you don't show up for appointments. It doesn't mean they don't care, but they want you to make your own choices. I was talking to my group T about how people generally end treatment there. I am terrified at my impending departure from my group program, and wanted to know how others do it. She said some people have a specific date to terminate, and some just stop coming with no explanation. I was shocked that some just abruptly stop without saying any goodbyes or without closure. She said I'd be surprised how many people do that, it seems they cannot tolerate the process of saying goodbye and just stop showing up. It sounds like you did that with your T. I see it as a way to have some control over what is painfully out of your control. I feel your pain, my T will only see me for another year. I'm glad that I will have a year to work through it and get used to the idea. It's hard though. And I have been very tempted to just quit my group program because it is very difficult for me to let go. Please take care of yourself. If you need to, call your T and tell her that you are having difficulty. Maybe ask her to refer you to someone else who can help you work through this if you cannot see your current T after December.

[zooropa]

just giving you hugs, Crystal, because regardless of the reasons for you leaving your T I know you're hurting now.

[deliquesce]

crystal, i go through this with my pdoc often. decide i'm never returning, stop showing up for appts, getting more upset when he doesn't call to check.

i've come to realise it's just another method of self harm for me.

if your T did call, what would that mean for you? would you change your mind and go back for those few remaining sessions to process the termination?

[pinkcorr]

*hugs* I don't have much more to add really since others have said alot, but it would probably be beneficial to you to go back and end the therapy in a healthier way, try and do something different. I understand how hard this is but you'll regret leaving in this way. Maybe your T is waiting for you to call?

[crystalrose]

Thanks to the nice replies especially deli and zoo cos it has been helpful.

I have seen T for a few years.
I had to stop seeing her because me her not seeing clients in therapy anymore and age related restrictions.
I was told earlier in the year but T hasn't really helped me process it and despite me crying about it it wasn't really discussed all year.
T told me a few weeks ago that I only had a few weeks left and that I could see her until the end of the year instead of December 1 which is my birthday.
I said I didn't think I could go through with the termination process because there wasn't enough time and emotionally I couldn't do it. I told T that I was feeling suicidal about it and couldn't deal with the termination.
T rang me but I missed the call and on the voice mail T told of the next few appointments that i had.
I didn't attend to preserve and protect myself.
T would have suspected that I wasn't going to come back, but was going on about closure and everything else. Which is why I expected her to call not for attention.

[crystalrose]

sorry 4 the spelling and grammer mistakes, i wrote the above using a phone

[pinkcorr]

(((((hugs)))))