Waiting to dissociate until on the way out

At least I think I was actually there up until I went back to my car and was writing down my reflections on my session. I remembered most of the session, and thought of a couple more answers when I was writing my notes.

Last time, I was showing T something I am making for her, and telling her about it, right at the beginning, and she said that she has no real interest in doing fiber arts like I do, and I was gone from that point on. I remember her asking me several times if I understood what she said because I knew it was obvious and she could tell that I was dissociating and it was really hard for me to follow the conversation. I was off in la la land reliving a string of rejections, that I couldn't quite get myself to talk about (and I wish I could have told her where I was, at least).

This week we talked about trying to be accepted somewhere, and T said that acceptance isn't really important when we are middle aged, like it was in high school. I started to disappear on that one. I guess acceptance is an unmet developmental need.

Anyway, at least I remember most of the session. I listen to audio books in the car, and it's been a while since I had trouble following the story. I finished the last CD of the book I had been listening to, having to back up and restart several times, even though I had been into the story and it was at the exciting part and the conclusion. Then I put the CD away, and got another audiobook and put in the first CD and it took me until track 3 to notice that it was the same book I had just finished. Wow.

Can you voice your opinion to T about your feeling differently about acceptance. I disagree with her, depending on how she stated that it was not as important in middle age. Is this a personal reference, or based on research data... Is there an explanation behind it? I think that for the emotionally well-adjusted (for lack of a better term this early in the morning) middle age can mean acceptance is less important. In fact, this sounds like something from Erikson's developmental stages. So then if acceptance is still important to a person, then like you say, it is an unrealized developmental need. So I guess I disagree that one can make a blanket statement about acceptance and middle age. I would probably have felt uncomfortable hearing that.

Her comment while you were showing her the gift you are making for her is interesting also. It sounds like it had a purpose of reinforcing the idea of separateness. A response to the interpretation of the idea of the gift. I wonder if she is comfortable receiving gifts.

I'm sorry these experiences were uncomfortable. It is so helpful to realize when we dissociate and even more helpful to be aware of how it began. There is so much to explore.

((((((((((((((((( Rap )))))))))))))))))

((Rapunzel))

I agree with ECHOES -- the idea of acceptance is something that is worth exploring further.

For me, I can be in a very 'adult' state and not need acceptance from T. But, whenever I share some of my creative pursuits (writing, pictures, etc.) with T, I almost always end up feeling very young and craving his acceptance.

I can easily explain this as an unmet developmental need, but in the moment I suddenly feel very young and I don't really care what the logical explanation is, I just want T to accept me. It has been very healing to share this with T and have him give the younger ego state that acceptance.

I don't know if sharing your art with T and needing acceptance is connected for you or not -- just something I've noticed in my own journey.

Her responses don't sound very validating. I think that validation is very important in therapy....... To her or anyone else who has been fortunate enough to have some normal development, acceptance might not be that important. You, however, this is where you are at and she should be validating where you are at........