[jacq10]

T: "Jacq, whats going on, what are those tears about?"
J: "I don't know"
T: "I think you do know."
J: *shrug*
T: "Ok, are you ready for this? It's going to sound weird but, I think that you really just need someone to love you and take care of you."

*bawl bawl bawl*



Why can't you hold me and take care of me T? You're all I have....

She did offer an appointment to me next week which I really appreciated.. normally I don't get to see her that often, and I go home for xmas soon so I need all the support I can get. I just want her to hold me and protect me and not let me go until I'm ready.

[BlueMoon6]

Jacq- It looks like you have a wonderful T who IS going to hold you and be there for you until you go home. She will see you next week
She cares very much

How long will you be home with your family? Are they difficult to be around?

[jacq10]

I hope you are right Blue. I am very fortunate to have her as a T, only thing is, she has firm boundaries around physical contact so no, she won't ever be able to hold me

I'll be home for 10 days, and yes, it will be very very difficult to be there.

[googley]

Jacq-
I'm glad that you are getting support from your T. I remember what it was like to go home for winter break and visit family. I hope that the visit goes quickly and uneventfully. Can you contact your T while you are home if you need support? I used to set this up with my T when I went home.

[ECHOES]

(((jacq10))) Let those tears come. And let T be there to accept them with her kind and caring words. I love that she put words to your tears for you. When I spent so many sessions crying, my T was so accepting. I apologized once and she said "It's alright. It's what you need to do right now. You might have to do this for a while. You might have to do this for a long time." I just loved her acceptance and these kinds of experiences can begin to feel just like being held. Being held is comfort, acceptance, empathy, soothing, reassurance.

[jacq10]

as much as it hurts me to not be with her when I'm feeling what I was earlier, I love that I can look back on this experience (I NEVER cry in T) with a sort of comfort that can't be provided with by hugs. As wonderful as it would be to receive a hug, I think that in a way, this might be a little better in the long run, as it gives me something to look back and reflect on and think "wow, my T was so compassionate in that moment."

[BlueMoon6]

Jacq- I am giving you a hug, a big hug and telling you that you will be OK. It IS like returning to the scene of the crime. But the visit will pass. Maybe you will have access to a computer or can call T?

[jacq10]

Many Big hugs back
Thanks Blue

[Hugs needed]

(((Jacq)))
My T doesn't give hugs either. When I need a hug during t I hug the soft pillow T has on the couch and that feels good. Maybe you can give that a try. If your T doesn't have one maybe give T one for a Holiday gift.
Will your T accept phone calls while you are home on your break? I would definitly work out something at your next visit. Holiday and Family can be a very tought time and boy do I know that.
Good LUCK and lots of hugs. Remember their is alway's PC. We're here for you.

[ECHOES]

...I think that you really just need someone to love you and take care of you."

jacq, could you think of this during the break to help you feel better? When I read this, and my T has said something similar, I feel like it is another way of T saying how much they are there for us, in ways that can feel like someone loving and taking care of us. The safe environment they give us, the attunement on such meaningful levels such as this, the acceptance...it isn't the love and care we missed and miss, but it can create in us the same feelings of safety, trust, connection, reliability, consistancy, and feeling that someone does value our feelings and cares about our emotional well-being.

[Brightheart]

I like to think of emotional hugs. If you have a clear sense of your T's caring, empathy and acceptance of you, you can focus on those feelings and let go...and allow yourself to be held by her loving presence. Sometimes caring can feel palpable in a spiritual sense and is very soothing. It sounds like you have a great T. I hope that you are able to soak up her caring for you.