Last Session with T today

and it felt soooo surrreal. So weird. Like my wednesdays wont include her anymore. i gave her a thank you card, but I didnt want her to read it during the session...is that wrong?

anyways, we talked about my anxieties i had and if I should work with another therapist. She asked if I felt like I might need another T, I asked her if she thought I would need one. she said that i think you have grown a lot, but there are some things that probably could be worked on--then she named a couple of things- my self esteem and my mother issues. She suggested I find someone who meshes with my needs. I told her idk what you mean. I just randomly picked you so IDK what/who I need. She said well, for one, I think you need to find a T who pushes you, but knows when to stop--someone who knows when you dont want to go down a certain road and wont push you down it. Sounds like a pretty generic answer, but it's true. she said to find out what approach each T has when i meet with them and to find out if that therapeutic approach will work for me. she said she wished she knew someone in the city/area I will be in. i told her it's okay. I am sure i will find someone.

T noted that i didnt have my usual "toy" to play with. Usually I bring in a rubberband or two or my artist's eraser (malleable, almost clay like). I told her I forgot it...That i was using my fingers to trace the designs on her pillow. she said it's okay though. you seem to be doing okay without them (my rubberband/eraser). She knows it helps to keep me focused on the conversation (having something to play with in my hand) which is something she never asked me about, she just knew.

I am going to miss her. I didnt ask if she looked at my photoblog...she didnt mention it either either she looked at it and it sucked or she forgot...oh well. she asked if it was okay to do a 2month check in. she said she will call me in a couple of months to see how im doing...not that i think she is lying, but I will believe it when i see it. i thanked her for all the help she has given me and told her i couldn't or wouldnt have progressed as much as I have if it werent for her.

well the next phase of my life begins... im and T-less and i dont know what to do. i have a few appts set up next week. I hope i am able to connect with one of them.

Good night everyone

LLtraveled, take care and let us know how you doing.

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LLT

It sounds like a good last session, as good as those can be anyway.

Take care of yourself, especially when next Wednesday comes!

Well LLT... congrats.. I know it doesn't feel great right now, but you've taken a step on your own. It's so hard walking out of Ts office when you know it's the last time for forever probably. But you can look at it as the first steps toward a new and hopefully better life. Make them positive steps. It's rough for the first few weeks... if you can, try to plan something for the times each Wednesday you would have therapy. Like go to a movie or be out shopping. Something to keep you active through that time so you're not sitting and ruminating on the fact that you should be at therapy or whatever. It's okay to feel a sense of loss, I mean I know i did to a degree. It's important to look ahead at your upcoming appts and realize that not one of the Ts you're going to see will be the T you just had. Just know that up front. The question is if you and the new T will have personalities that mesh and form a great working relationship. I know you'lll find someone. I wish you the best in this... I know the process because as you know I'm going through it now. Hang in there and keep us posted here.

Sounds like you had a good session....but I feel so sad about it. I hope your T follows through with the phone call, although I'd hate to have that sitting in the back of my mind for the next couple months. I hope you do find another T if that's what you feel you need. It's scary and takes time to develop a trusting relationship....I know that I've been with my T for 9 months or so, and I still don't feel entirely safe. Ugh.

((( HUGS )))

((((((((((((((((((LLT))))))))))))))))))))))

i'm going to be going thru that in about 6 weeks. i really don't want to have seen this t for 7 years

((LLT)) Sounds like a good last session. Made me think about my own therapy. I never thought ending would be all that hard. Now I'm realizing...I'm being dullusional when I think I will just leave and say, "later".

It is very difficult. I think the hardest parts are (1) being alone with no one to share the grief, (2) the suddeness of it no matter how long i had been preparing and (3) the realization and hurt that this person with whom I shared everything, trusted, who knew how I felt, just saw me as a patient and has now filled up her calendar with someone else. I do not expect a call or invitation to stop by for a talk, but I can't help but wonder how much she actually cared about me if she doesn't check to see how I am doing. So, grief, isolation, hurt, feeling used, those sum it up for me right now. But still, I am grateful because I think that when the "fog" lifts, I will feel better than I did before we began.