[sarahxxkristine]

Please let me know if any of ur T's do this....but when im talking...i tend to look away from my T to collect my thoughts....she has a plant that sits to the left of her and thats usually what i look at to try and collect what i need to say....however....ill be looking at it...and she'll still be in my vision...and she'll look over at the plant..which immediately makes me look back at her...it happens oooooh so often in her office....i'll look away...she'll watch me look at the plant for a few seconds...then look exactly where im looking to get me to refocus on her...is it bad that i look away from her when im thinking?

My t has been known to get up and close the blinds so I'll stop looking outside. He'll just get up and walk around, or change where he is sitting. He doesn't let me drift off. He generally tells me to tell him where I'm at, what am I thinking about, and he won't take "I don't know" as an answer. It's not that it is bad, it is just that I tend to dissociate, which really isn't helpful, so he works to keep me focused.

[googley]

I have had Ts try to get me to focus back on them. Usually I just look over their shoulder so I don't know how obvious it is that I'm not really looking. But my current T definitely changes her position to try and get my attention back. It is funny to watch her change around.

[sarahxxkristine]

ahhhhh i never thought about that...my T changes positions all the time~~~ i didnt think it was intentional, but when i think about it....it most likely isss....wow! thats so funny, i never realized it could be a way to get me to focus...

and farmergirl, i like to watch the clock that sits to the right of her..just to watch my minutes fly by...and i also look out the window sometimes...its so high up though, i dont see much...

i cant believe i never realized she switches positions to make me refocus...ive never dissociated b4444444

[googley]

My first T had a screen saver on her computer that I stared at until she realized it and turned the screen off. (And it was so fun watching the fish swim around.)

[sarahxxkristine]

hahaaa! yeah my T keeps her phone on her desk...i like to watch it glow when she gets a call or a message...other than that, her office is bland....its sorta seems like for little kids...alotta toys around.... but thankfully those are out of my site because id bee looking at her colorful books the whole time

[lilacbutterfly]

I tend to get very lost in my thoughts to the point I feel my therapist has abandoned me sometimes or that he's very far away. He has made it a point to ask me what I'm thinking or to tell me to try to stay in the room with him where it's safe, or something like that. He will try almost anything to get me to stay in the room, as I really get lost very easily and quickly! Lately I like that as soon as I even remotely start to 'go away' (dissociate) he can see it in my face somehow and he immediately works to get my attention back. It's not anything wrong, and he tells me that frequently. It's fine to do whatever you need to do. He's just trying to help me learn that it can be safe to stay in the room with him and to talk about my feelings and that I don't need to go away. I really feel very cared about when he does this. I think you might bring this up with your T - it could lead to a very good conversation!

[hangingon]

I hardley ever look at my T, especially if I am the one talking, I look at a big picture on her wall to the left and sometimes on the one to the right.

She used to move her head to which ever side I was looking to try to get my attention, I think, but I still wouldn't look at her. Recently she mentioned something about me having a hard time looking at her but didn't make a big deal out of it. I don't know, maybe one day I will. Just know it's not uncommon to do that with your T.

[velcro003]

Yeah I've been in therapy for two years and still hardly look at her. I just stare down on the floor or play with her pillow or something. Shes never said anything to me about it.

[BlueMoon6]

This brought up an interesting thought for me, thanks Sarah Kristine.

I wonder just how often ftt notices I am drifing off. I have said something to her at the times I felt I could catch myself getting really far off and underwater. I dont think it would be so easy to "return" if I was far off. Often I dont catch myself, but once or twice ftt has told me to take deep breaths and look at her. But there are times when she is talking and all I hear is the sound of her voice and the look on her face. I dont understand anything.

What does that mean? Im overwhelmed? I am interested in what she is saying. But maybe I have something to say and she is talking? I dont know what it means. I can only hear the sounds her voice makes....as if I was a pre-verbal child. I think I do have those kinds if memories somewhere.

[WePow]

My first T told me that I looked away from him because of subconscious internalized shame. It was MURDER trying to look at him while talking to him about such personal items. Like "OMG! You are going to HATE ME for what they did to me!" Looking at him while talking came naturally after he had my trust. Even then, I still looked away if the issue was too sensitive. He would always know when he was "getting close" by watching my gaze shift away. When he wanted me to stay with him emotionally while we dug into the issue, he would also shift a bit to bring himself into my line of sight.

Current T has my trust and I find when I am really wanting him to hear what I am sharing, I make a point to look him in the eye. It is my truth and I want him to know it. But I still tend to look to my top left (over his right shoulder) if I am feeling shame about a topic. He respects this though and tends to use his body position as a tool for my comfort by uncrossing his legs or opening his arms wider on the chair. It is subconscious way of saying "I am safe. I am open to listening." Then I find I will look back to him.

But if I do dissociate from a trigger in conversation, he will stop talking and say "Where are you?" or "Where did you go?" and we work through that.

[jexa]

I am starting to look my T in the eye more. As I delve deeper with her and carefully disclose more sensitive things to her, and she doesn't judge me for it, I am finding it easier to look her in the eye. Like others, I still cannot look my T in the eye when I am telling her something particularly sensitive and am feeling ashamed. I don't look to the side; I put my elbows on my knees and bow my head... almost like I'm curling into myself. This doesn't happen every session. Most sessions, I can keep eye contact for the most part now. Which is big progress for me!

I am so glad my T doesn't get mad about lack of eye contact or tell me to look at her when I am trying to say something. I was trying to disclose something to my last T, and I started to curl up like I do, and she said, "Jexa, I am NOT going to do a session with you looking at the back of your head."

Needless to say, I never told her the thing I was trying to tell her.

[ECHOES]

I have almost chuckled recently at my T weaving and bobbing to get in my line of vision when I can't make eye contact. It used to happen a lot but is not so often now, which I think is why I notice it more. It says to me, "It's okay, say what you're thinking, I'm right here and I accept it all."

[Abby]

This thread made me laugh because i saw a lot of myself in all your posts. It is nice not being lonely!

I hope it's not bad to look away when thinking in therapy....i've never thought of it as being a bad or a good thing before. Plus sometimes my therapist doesn't always look at me if she's gathering her thoughts....and i'd be freak out if we stared at each other all through the session!

I think like wpowers shame is one of the reasons why i don't look my therapist in the eye at times. But also i can feel that if i don't look at my therapist i don't have to let it be real (if that makes sense!). It's hard to explain but sometimes i'll so badly not want to have to deal with therapy/an issue in therapy/thoughts in my mind, that i'll sit with my coat over my head....because in a really childish way if i can't see my therapist then she doesn't exist, the situation doesn't exist and I feel as though i'm hiding/disappeared. I've never thought about that being a bad thing to do, it doesn't feel bad, perhaps it is quite rude, but for me therapy is the one place where i don't have to put on a show constantly. I want to put my coat over my head and disappear so many, many times in my life....and therapy is one of the only places where i can without feeling like a complete idiot. I think that might even be a good thing. I think.

[sarahxxkristine]

Thank you guys! thank you for the answers...i feel so safe...and secure now. But yes, I am gonna try to focus next time on when i look away and when she does her "looks where i looks, changes position" thing....I think that'll give me a clu as into why i am doing it. We will have alot of stuff to talk about (i scheduled to see her the day after my Pdoc eval) and i will have something to focus on when i go trying to see when i feel i need to look away...or look down...or end a converation by letting my voice drift.... <3 u guys are the best!

[Brightheart]

Is she talking about anything in particular when this happens, Blue? Or does it just happen periodically? Therapy is hard work and a lot of concentration and deep thinking is involved. Maybe at times it is overwhelming for you or you need to let your mind breathe. Or maybe what she is discussing is very painful for you. Could be lots of things...

I find this topic interesting because very often in the beginning of therapy, I was staring at former T's shoes. If there was something very deep and revealing, I'd crumple in the chair and close my eyes. Closing my eyes actually helped a lot for a while. As I got more comfortable with him, I was looking more and more. One thing he did which I appreciated greatly was give me moments of silence...sometimes for even an entire minute. It was helpful in allowing me to gather myself and find my words. This is often when I felt very strongly connected with him. I'm not sure I would have liked being forced to refocus on him before I was ready to. I'm a slow-moving person who needs time and no pressure. But I know everyone needs something different. I suppose as long as the T knows what we need and what works best for us then that is what matters.

I love this thread. My T also has plants, one on each side. Now most of the time I have good eye contact, it isn't an issue with me. But when we are doing EMDR are talking about really hard stuff, I look around the room, try to read the titles of her books on her shelf, but I love the plant! lol She knows I am deep in thought and with EMDR that is a good thing, it helps me focus on EMDR. Looking into her eyes during EMDR is way too intense because she is watching me VERY closely during it.
My last session I told her I felt like she had a giant magnifying glass on me.