[zooropa]

I had to call to make an appointment for my yearly exam, something I haven't done for a couple of years. I'm having some problems that I need to have checked out. So, after I made the appointment I was thinking about how I will handle the exam itself, whether it will be more difficult for me now that I'm doing trauma work and things are kind of stirred up.

I just became flooded with memories of things I had forgotten, details, sensations, all of it. I kept flashing back between now and then. I was completely overwhelmed by it. I still am, I think after about an hour I feel asleep and woke up a little calmer but the memories are still there, fresh as if it all just happened.

Before I feel asleep, when I was in the middle of it and basically freaking out and trying to calm down but not able to, I called T and left a message. I'm still waiting to hear back from her. I don't even know what I said on the message, actually. I don't know what I'll say when she calls. I just feel traumatized all over again.

And of course I'm terrified to actually GO to the appointment I made, in case I have flashbacks while I'm there and I just don't know what will happen.

[ECHOES]

(((zooropa))) I'm so sorry you are feeling re-traumatized. I'm glad you were able to escape through sleep and that helped a little. I hope T calls you back soon
I have placed calls that I can't remember much of what I said. T will tell me what I said so we can talk about it. Sometimes I am so shocked that I do not remember what I've said.

I hope you keep feeling better and that you and T can talk about how to get through the medical exam that you need. It's important. You are important

[mixedup_emotions]

It is horrible to be re-traumatized....I hope you are able to work through your feelings and get to a better place so you can feel more confident about your appointment.

I had a full blown panic attack prior to an appointment that I had last week just to get a simple test done. I am in the process of reading a book called "Don't Panic! Third Edition" which was recommended to me by my daughter's T. I'm still midway through the book, but it is a worthwhile read to help deal with panic. Obviously, I haven't implemented anything that I've read yet.

[moonrise]

Oh, zoo. I hope she calls back soon!

[zooropa]

thank you all, and MUE, I will look up that book and see if I can get it from the library. T still hasn't called back but I know she has some days where she sees clients until late so it's not that unusual. I have my session with her tomorrow anyway...

right now I'm eating chocolate and getting ready for an early bedtime