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Old Jan 10, 2010, 12:09 AM
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crystalrose crystalrose is offline
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Is it ok for a therapist to express their feelings about a client, to the client?

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Old Jan 10, 2010, 12:11 AM
Anonymous273
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What kind of feelings?
Thanks for this!
ECHOES
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Old Jan 10, 2010, 12:24 AM
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crystalrose crystalrose is offline
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love feelings.
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Old Jan 10, 2010, 01:35 AM
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chaotic13 chaotic13 is offline
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Well I think the question really is are YOU OK with the feelings your T has expressed? Personally when I first started...I definitely WOULD NOT have been OK if my T expressed any type of feelings for me. Now that I've dealt with some of my hang-up, have a little bit better understanding of myself and different dimentions of "love" I think I could probably ...handle it but I'm not sure I would be OK with it.

If my T expressed feelings for me...she would need to be very explicit about those feelings and I would probably need some follow-up dialog after I had a chance to think about what she expressed. Personally my T has not gone down this road with me. But I have had another person, who I am in a professional relationship with tell me that they loved me. It did shock me, but when I sat and thought about it...I was really OK with it, it was a healthy kind of love that she expressed. In this case it was a very deep, heartfelt expression but a universal connectedness kind of love...Not a sexual, I love you, I want to be in a intimate relationship with you statement.

Crystalrose....If your T expression is confusing you or not making you feel good deep inside then I would say NO its not OK. If when you check in with yourself and you feel good inside, then it might me OK.
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  #5  
Old Jan 10, 2010, 02:07 AM
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It definately depends on the way it is said and in what context. My T is a female and has told me she has "love" for me.........and I feel this in a mother/child type way. To be told by your therapist that they are "in love" with you , would be an etirely different matter and not at all ethical. L
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Old Jan 10, 2010, 04:02 AM
Anonymous29357
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crystalrose View Post
Is it ok for a therapist to express their feelings about a client, to the client?
No - (are they their feelings. Are they their feelings about you. Are they telling you what to do - no one tells you what to do - The can only suggest or they feel you two are not compatiable and they are suggeting you change T.
A T is there for you - you tell them the situation. The clarify it professional and bounce it back to you in a clear explantion, of which most often you already know - But are confused and need help understand.
  #7  
Old Jan 10, 2010, 04:55 AM
Luce Luce is offline
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My old therapist expressed many of her feelings about me, to me. In the context it was done it was appropriate and OK.
I agree with Chaotic about how you feel about it being your best guide here.
  #8  
Old Jan 10, 2010, 07:46 AM
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elliemay elliemay is offline
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As others have indicated, the expression of feelings by the therapist all depends on context of the therapy. Everyone's therapy is different.

Although even in the "right" context that expression can be quite jarring - especially if we aren't used to hearing it, aren't expecting it, or contradicts our internal feelings of worthiness etc...

When my therapist has told me that he cares about me, or has caring feelings for me, I have totally freaked out in the past.

I would definately talk to your therapist about this. I'm not saying that *you* are freaking out, but sometimes a good freak out can be therapeutic gold.
Thanks for this!
deliquesce
  #9  
Old Jan 10, 2010, 09:18 AM
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ECHOES ECHOES is offline
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What are love feelings? How was this expressed? What words were used and what lead up to this?
  #10  
Old Jan 10, 2010, 01:34 PM
wonderingmary wonderingmary is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chaotic13 View Post
Well I think the question really is are YOU OK with the feelings your T has expressed?
I agree. If you are OK with it, then what follows is not relevant to you.

But if you are not OK with it, it is important to tell the therapist that. A good therapist will respect your boundaries and work to repair the rupture in the therapy relationship, or else refer you to another therapist who will respect your boundaries. But if you tell her your concerns and she persists, then please do not make the mistake I made once of continuing to try to work with her. I told my t#3 that her manner seemed inappropriately intimate toward me. She said "therapy is an intimate relationship," which seemed dismissive of my concerns. I kept going back, and trying to say "no" to what I now see as using me to pursue her own personal agenda. She would back off sometimes, but then sometimes would say things like, "When you left last week, I wanted to touch you." It was very counterproductive.
  #11  
Old Jan 10, 2010, 02:27 PM
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rainbow8 rainbow8 is offline
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Crystal, I looked up one of your past threads where you said you were confused because your T said "I love you" in a letter to you. I think the thread was "My old T".

Are you still thinking about this letter? Did you ever write her back? Has there been more communication between the 2 of you?

I posted in your thread that I understand, maybe, why you were confused. Your T never told you her feelings before, but now that you're done with therapy with her, she said she loves you and that therapy was more than therapy, or something like that.

It's just a guess, but are you trying to read more into her comment than there really is? I know she cares very much for you, and that is a kind of love. Can you just accept that for what it is?

Forgive me if I'm way off base. I hope that you find the answers you need and feel better about your relationship with your former T.
  #12  
Old Jan 14, 2010, 12:44 AM
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embarassed embarassed is offline
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My therapist has said that she cares about me but if she ever said the word love I would feel very uncomfortable. That's just me though.
  #13  
Old Jan 14, 2010, 06:38 AM
Anonymous273
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My T says she has a love for all her clients, otherwise she wouldn't be able to do what she does. She hasn't directly said that she loves me, but I feel she has shown me in a lot of ways, which for me means more because a lot of people say things that are just empty words. Proof is in the pudding they say.
  #14  
Old Jan 14, 2010, 08:07 AM
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chaotic13 chaotic13 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wonderingmary View Post
She said "therapy is an intimate relationship," which seemed dismissive of my concerns.
Now, I can imagine my T saying something like this to me. In the same context that she said, "chaotic, I am NOT a complete stranger."

Quote:

"When you left last week, I wanted to touch you." It was very counterproductive.
NO! This is totally not appropriate and would have got a stong reaction from me...even now in my more grounded state. If your T gives you the creepy crawlies...listen to your gut and get out of their. The first lesson I learned in therapy was to trust those viseral sensations. Your body knows what is life-giving and life-taking...its just hard to sort through the mental noise the brain creates to really listen to it.
  #15  
Old Jan 14, 2010, 09:22 AM
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embarassed embarassed is offline
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"When you left last week, I wanted to touch you." It was very counterproductive.
I agree. That is inappropriate.
  #16  
Old Jan 14, 2010, 03:23 PM
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deliquesce deliquesce is offline
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^ really? depends on the context (conversation, px, therapist etc), i think. pdoc and my old-T have both expressed to me that they wish they could have comforted me physically (e.g., a hug, pat on the back or something) after various tough sessions and i have found it therapeutic to know.
  #17  
Old Jan 14, 2010, 05:47 PM
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Originally Posted by deliquesce View Post
^ really? depends on the context (conversation, px, therapist etc), i think. pdoc and my old-T have both expressed to me that they wish they could have comforted me physically (e.g., a hug, pat on the back or something) after various tough sessions and i have found it therapeutic to know.
I think something like, "It broke my heart to see you hurting so much I wanted reach over and give you a hug" would be totally fine. But "I wanted to touch you" just sounded creepy. Context does matter, maybe there is something else we don't know, but my first impression was "what a creepy therapist".
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