[brickbat]

I posted a few days ago about being angry with my T when he didn't react to my manic state as positively as I'd have hoped. Turns out he was just being cautious and caring because he knew what I couldn't quite get my head around at that time: that I would come down from that high and start to feel pretty bad again. It's a different kind of bad from the bad of a deep depression; I'm not thinking of suicide, I still have hope for the future, I am longing for connections with others and wanting to be a part of the world again, etc. But I'm having a LOT of anxiety, some crying spells, and so on, and up until last night I'd been having a lot of trouble sleeping too. My pdoc gave me some Abilify which is pretty much knocking me out, and I think it is helping with the anxiety a little, too, but honestly most of my troubles at the moment are beyond the help of medication, because they are directly related to a break-up that I'm going through, which I badly regret initiating.

My T has always encouraged me to email him when there is something that I need to get off my chest. He rarely responds, and when he does, it's nothing substantive. That's annoying but it's just how he works, and I've come to accept it. He also lets me call him when I really need to talk, and he always returns phone calls within a few hours. Here's the thing. I've been emailing/calling him SO MUCH through the break-up, the mania, and the medication adjustments of the last couple of weeks. I already emailed him once today, and I think I emailed him twice yesterday (even though I had a session, too). And now...I want to email him again. Actually, I want to call him. Because I am REALLY freaking out, just totally overwhelmed with sadness and pain and uncertainty about the future with my ex, and it's just unbearable. I just need to hear his voice and have him tell me that I'll be okay. What do you all think? I feel like I need him so much right now

Originally Posted by brickbat

And now...I want to email him again. Actually, I want to call him. Because I am REALLY freaking out, just totally overwhelmed with sadness and pain and uncertainty about the future with my ex, and it's just unbearable. I just need to hear his voice and have him tell me that I'll be okay. What do you all think? I feel like I need him so much right now

(((((((((Brickbat)))))))))) I'm sorry you're having such a hard time

I think it's up to each client/T pair to determine how much is too much. I have a lot of contact with my T outside of session. We've set up a lot of parameters so there are no misunderstandings. I'm allowed to call and e-mail as much as I need to. If I want a response, I specifically have to ask for one..otherwise, I can just know that he heard my message/read my e-mail (he always does). Sometimes the reply from him will be WAY delayed because he's busy, but I understand that. And I trust him to tell me if it's too much, because he promised he would.

I've e-mailed and called a lot lately too, and I asked him at my last session if he rolled his eyes or whatever when he heard my voice on his voice mail. And he said no, he knows how hard things are for me by how much I need to contact him...and it's okay.

So, that is how T and I have worked it out. Have you and T ever talked about how much if too much?? Maybe if you could have that conversation with T, it would give you some reassurance.

[brickbat]

Thanks, Tree. I've had a few conversations about this stuff with T because from the very beginning I've felt like I was too high-maintenance, and he has always responded like your T did - by reassuring me that if it ever felt like too much, he would tell me right away. He has never told me that I've crossed the line, so I guess I haven't. I still worry about it so much, though! It's exactly like you said - I wonder if he rolls his eyes when he listens to my messages...

Anyway, I ended up breaking down and leaving him a voicemail a few minutes ago. It was the most awkward message EVER - I basically said, "Yikes, I'm sorry I called you, I just couldn't stop myself, I'll stop taking over your life soon I hope, this is just an awful time for me, I'm feeling really bad, I don't even know what else to say, calling was a bad idea, I'm sorry, bye." Not my finest moment...we'll see if he calls back.

[brickbat]

Wow, I really regret that one, hah. This seems to be a major theme in my life lately. I feel so ridiculous and embarrassed, ugh.

[zooropa]

you know, brickbat, that's not too different from the voicemail I left my T earlier today. Just saying, you're not alone. Sometimes that need to reach out is SO strong, and then my mind goes blank when it's time to start talking. I might have said I won't call her again, I don't even know if I said that or just thought it.

[Fartraveler]

I call/email my T a lot. By a lot, I mean typically it's once or more a day. And we have the same arrangement as Tree does -- she doesn't respond unless I specifically ask her to. (And that is usually only once or twice a year.)

Different T's have different rules, and probably T's have different rules for each client. (I know that mine once tried to limit my phone calls, and I really couldn't handle it, which fortunately she recognized.)

-Far

[brickbat]

Haha...he never replied to my email or my phone call, so I suspect that I've finally crossed the line. This is the first phone call he hasn't returned in two years. I'm seeing him tomorrow. Yikes.