[TayQuincy]

I'm usually okay about vacations, but since losing the support of my other psuedo T a few weeks ago, now i feel so alone and scared. I saw T today and after everything we talked about she concluded that I'm doing well and not feeling anxious or depressed!! I am not doing as badly as i was a few weeks ago, but also I didn't want to get into anything too heavy right before she leaves. Then the stuff i did talk about feels so stupid, especially since I was telling her some things about my childhood. That seems to have left me with feelings of shame for some unknown reason. She told me a few weeks ago that I could call her if needed during her vacation, but I would feel awful about doing that. It doesn't seem necessary, but my littler part is very upset and scared. I am scared to be left alone. I know I'm not really alone, but it is the feeling that I am the only one left on the planet!

Hi Tay,

It sounds like you were looking out for her right before she went on vacation, and then she thought you weren't feeling any anxiety, when you actually were. Talking about your childhood is never stupid...it is just that it is probably not exactly what was on your mind at the time, so you probably left feeling somewhat uncomfortable because you didn't get out what you were really feeling? I know I have done the same thing, too.

I am sorry you are scared about your T being gone for 2 weeks. I would be miserable with that as well. How are you doing?

[darkrunner]

((((((Tayquincy)))))
I think it is ok to do what you need - call T - to take care of your littler part.
Your T said it was ok, and she wouldn't have said that if it weren't true.
You are not alone!

[TayQuincy]

To tractionbeam and darkrunner,

I just want to say thank you so much for your replies here. I did not think anyone replied to this, and missed it when you guys did. I so appreciate the support, so thanks!

[skyliner]

Tay, your t said you can call her if you need her while she's on vacation. Wow; she really seems to be there for you! My t also said I can call her when she's on vacation and I have not hesitated to do so. I trust she would not have said it if she hadn't meant it.

[peaches100]

Tay,

I can empathise with you. My t is gone also. She's in another country right now! I couldn't have my session this week, and she won't be back for another week. She never offers to let me call her on vacation, so i think it's awesome that your t does. She must really care about you alot!

I understand also about the little part of you being scared to be alone. If i had to guess, i think our t's would advise you to recognize that hurt, scared part of yourself and do something to soothe her.

When my t is away, i tend to keep myself very, very busy in an effort not to acknowledge the feelings of separation and missing her. It's too painful. I know she would want me to acknowledge the feelings and sit with them, but i don't want to hurt! At least you are letting yourself feel your honest feelings, and that's good.

Don't feel bad about calling her if you need to.

[TayQuincy]

thank you skyliner and peaches. If you knew my T, you wouldn't expect her to say i could call her if i need her while she is on vacation! She isn't the warm and fuzzy type, lol. Part of it is that she doesn't have anyone specifically covering for her, and part of it, i believe, is that she knows that I wouldn't take advantage of that unless it was really difficult for me. she knows me very well. and she is very good in that she must have realized that not having my other support might be as issue over these two weeks. She knows i'm grieving right now. But I feel so much better since getting that phone call from the other person who i have lost. I no longer feel I have lost her, not completely. That is so important to me.