Questions regarding my therapy.

It has been quite a few months since I have seen the therapist I do now. At first it was very jovial like I had no problems but he kept trying to crack my shell like no one has before and it has helped a lot but I complicated matters. My roommate who has the same diagnosis as me decided he wanted to see him too. They made my roommate sign releases of information so that they could discuss his problems with me, the nurse and the counselor, but my roommate has occupied my time considerably. He was hospitalized and placed on a new medication that somehow allowed him to make a final decision about his sexual identity being gay and that he wanted a more intimate relationship with me.

The therapist told me I broke too many boundaries by allowing this to happen and that we are too intermingled to sort out, or at least he was short with me, and I see him the day before my roommate sees him. In a bizarre twist he told my roommate to confess his sins to a Catholic priest and learn philosophy in an academic way. My roommate scratched the confession comment but wants me to teach him philsophy so I made it about the Greeks and made a history lesson for him accompanied by The Birth of Tragedy, by Nietzsche for the philosophy aspect to get him up to speed as he had no formal training before in any subject.

My roommate has been copying everything I do and it's getting frustrating. I don't know how to go into the therapy session now without bringing him up, as I live with him and he wants to spend all his time with me and I feel overwhelmed by his demands on me. I put an end to any physical intimacy and hope he doesn't seek it anywhere else, as he is heavily medicated. I am here to support him and encourage him but my therapist I feel painted a picture of me to be the sole parent of my roommate, as it is I that has to prepare everything for him and I am still a little perplexed by the comment about my roommate confessing his sins to a priest. He is not even Catholic.

I don't know what is going on anymore and I am at a loss of how to set boundaries with my roommate except by placing some of his weight on his PSR worker to do his errands, but still he lingers on my mind. I love and care for him but I don't know how to make him more independent of if I should just move to some other state and claim same-sex union and get more benefits from the government. I am just kidding. I don't know, how do I get my roommate out of the picture for what I am doing with my life?

Could it be that it is time for you to move on and either get a place of your own or a new roommate?

It is up to you to decide how much, if any, relationship you have with anyone. The relationship with the roommate sounds very intrusive and dependent, and not what you want. I think it would take a lot of very hard and continuous work to remain roommates when you each want something very different. That is the way with co-dependency relationships.

The roommate even intruded on your therapy. When you no longer have the enmeshed relationships going on, I think you will feel better and your therapy will feel better too.

This isn't meant as a criticism of you, but this is a bizarre situation in multiple ways. I can't even fathom what sort of therapists would entangle the two of you in treatment like this. It's as if you've been cast as a "helper" to your roommate and the central focus of your therapy shifted away from you to your roommate. So you're left with responsibility pinned on you but without people trying to help you.

I don't get it.

What sort of school is this? Catholic? All-male? It sounds like a therapist serving some interests other than what's best for you, like directed by religious beliefs. It's very odd.

The talk about you violating boundaries is strange. As a T patient you’re not supposed to have demands placed on you relating to something other than your well-being.

How about: Get a new roommate, put solid boundaries in place for whatever level of contact you want to have, and

For Certain--get a new therapist, one who isn't subject to the rules of the school, or the religious authority or political or whatever it is that’s causing the distortion involved. Independent. It is, as someone else said, all enmeshed, incl. the school itself.

Since you're familiar with philosophy, here's a way to look at what that/those therapist(s)tried to do to you: They no longer treated you as an end in yourself, they made you into a means to serve the ends of another person (rommate's well-being). A person's personal T should never treat him/her as anything but an end in him/herself. You lost that due to no fault of your own. It is possible that you misunderstood what your T meant a ways back in the story, but now it's so far entrenched and developed of a situation that possibly you can't continue with him.

Well thanks for the suggestions but the roommate stays. It's not easy for me to find a replacement. We have known each other a long time and been through a lot together. Things have gotten odd, and I was mainly talking about the T. There is no school or religios affiliation, the T is paid privately by Medicaid and made a weird assumption that my roommate was Catholic. That is all.

well if the roommate stays then maybe the t should go and maybe the roommate should not know about it.

sometimes you just have to stand alone.

i have a friend who wanted to be attatched to me in everything i did..including therapy..and i did give her the name of my t but then i also told my t her name and said please don't see her...

sometimes for the best of a relationship things have to be private and there has to be space.

I understand, but this is not the position I am in right now, and this has all been very unhelpful. I don't think I am posting in this forum again.