[olivia224]

i went to my therapy session tonight and when i told her i was worried that i was in therapy too long, she said that she felt that therapy isnt helping, and that we repeat the same things everytime i see her. this made me soo anxious like im a lost casue. she told me to call her anytime but im worried like nothing is gunna help me....she says medication is the only way but i told her i dont believe in medication. i just feel so lost right now...like even she cant help me...can anyone help me or has anyone realized that therapy hasn't helped?
i just feel soo lost

[Melbadaze]

not sure a trained therapist would say such a thing.

[Rapunzel]

Ethically, therapists have to be honest with you if they are aware that therapy isn't helping you. It is unethical to keep someone in therapy when that person is not benefiting for any reason, such as: the problems needing to be addressed have been resolved; the therapist lacks the skill or experience or is otherwise unable to help that client; some other treatment would be more effective; etc. It might be that you aren't yet ready for the work expected of you in therapy or to make lasting changes in your approach to life, for whatever reason. And it is also possible that therapy could be helping you to be more ready, or closer to making those changes. Medication can make it easier to get somewhere in therapy, too.

I have spent a lot of years in therapy, and have also been told that it wasn't helping and that I should get on medication instead. My early experiences with therapy didn't help much because I didn't really understand the process, didn't trust anyone, and wasn't doing what I needed to in order to benefit - and none of those therapists recognized or understood what was going on or what I needed.

Later, one therapist I saw off and on over a couple of years told me that my depression was entirely a medical problem, was genetic, and I needed medication rather than therapy. I can see why he thought that, as that year I was really struggling and kept relapsing. There was not much progress for him to observe, and I refused to try medication. He decided I wasn't going to get any better, and terminated. Even though he didn't see progress, I was getting closer to being ready, and made a lot of changes that were stressful at the time and contributed to the relapses, but ultimately helped to get me in a position to be able to reclaim my life.

I went to another therapist after that one, and have been seeing this current therapist for more than 5 years now. She has also told me numerous times that I wasn't making enough progress and she considered termination because she didn't feel that she was actually helping. I was devastated each time we went through that, and felt like giving up on everything if she was going to give up on me. She was my last hope. We kept sticking it out, and I have made progress but it has been slow. I concluded recently that anxiety was really kicking my butt and I needed to get somewhere with that problem, so I did start taking medication just recently. I don't know if it is helping yet, but I feel that that decision was part of gaining the acceptance, willingness, and the surrender that is necessary for me to overcome my mental health challenges. I'm still going with therapy, and I think I am finally getting somewhere.

So, we all go at different paces, and all is not lost if you aren't being helped enough right now. The time might not be right for you yet, or it might not be the right therapist, or there might be something life has yet to teach you that you aren't going to get from a therapist. There is no way to know when you will turn that corner. Therapy might be helping you to get there. Whether you keep going to therapy, or take a break for a while, don't give up.

[purple_fins]

Maybe you would find better help with a therapist that shares your mindset about medication.

I saw a psychologist for a time, that thinks similar to you(he was against medicating those with mental-- or as he referred to them as-- "thinking struggles")-- I believe there are many out there that have a similar frame of mind-- though, I think it will be more "psychologists"(a phD. in psychology) than other types of therapists that believe this way.(that's what I've found anyway)

Sorry this T. wasn't such a help for you.

fins

[olivia224]

Thanks for responding. It has been such a tough time....and I really just feel soo like lost and abandoned......my anixety is dizziness related...i ahve a huge fear of being dizziness and a fear that i have an inner ear disorder. by last april my doc. told mei have Labrinthintis or something...soo it freked me out///but i had no symptoms of it soo i went to an ent and he told me i could have NEVER had that disorder...but i was too far into worrying about it that idk i never beleived him...so from then on i am just paralyzed in my life nd cant seem to get over it....and now my therapist giving up on me is horrible...id what to do now....i want to email her and aks her what i did wrong or something....i wish i had asked her why she is giving up on me.

[Snakebit]

olivia,

I don't believe she is giving up on you, rather that she has realized she is not the right therapist for you. That's a good thing!

You did nothing wrong, whatsoever.

[Kiya]

Olivia - I too have spent the last 6 months "fighting" t against her saying i made no progress, and that we don't do therapy and that none of her tools seem to work. Like you and Rapunzel, I was devastated each time. T didn't know what to do with me, I couldn't stop sobbing. Some how we have passed that point. I'm not even sure how. But what Rapunzel wrote really helped me see some things too. I too was unready to make the changes needed - I didn't see a way possible. I didn't know when I would "turn that corner". ANd now, somehow I have. I didn't even see it. But I MADE her stick with me. I told her each time the progress I had seen, kept pushing her to see it, kept trying everything she suggested.... and now I AM progressing - not in therapy, per se, but in life. And I think we both believe that once I get settled in this particular setting, THEN maybe we can work towards therapy again. For now, she has deemed herself my "support person" and will keep seeing me. She knows that if she terminates, *I* will terminate. She, too, is my last hope and I think she gets what that means to me.
Olivia, I would say to push back - to get T to look at things more closely with you - what kind of progress she thinks you need, what progress you have seen, what might be some blocks in the way, push her to stick with you - like Rap said, maybe there's something in life that you need to learn that T can be there for.... best!
kiya

[Fartraveler]

my therapist just dumped me basically b/c she thinks i have made not a lot of progress... im totally lost and upset right now and dont no what to do....if she cant help me then who can...im freaking out....i should have asked her why she cant help me and what i did wrong??

Olivia, a therapist who behaves as you describe is not behaving ethically or professionally. (Or compassionately, for that matter.)

So, try to get yourself in a calmer place. You did nothing wrong. It was her job to help you, and if she felt her skills were not strong enough to help you, then she has an obligation to find you stronger, more capable therapists who can. Did she give you any referrals?

It really is a bad therapist who says "I can't help this patient and it's the patient's fault." That's just irresponsible.

So, try not to be too upset (although I know this feels so horrible), and understand that it's her, not you. And when you feel ready, you should know that not all therapists behave that way, and you can look for a decent one.

Take care,
-Far

[ECHOES]

Well, from the experience you describe, I'm not too surprised that therapy ----with HER-- is not helping.
The answer is medication?!

Oh please look for another therapist who can be helpful to you.

[MissCharlotte]

Olivia,
Not much to add other than it seems a new therapist is in order. You and your therapist should work together as a team-not one opinion vs. the other. Maybe you could do some research as to what type of therapy you think fits with your views and ideas o what therapy should be.

Much luck to you.

[elliemay]

How long have you been with this therapist? And why were you concerned that you had been in therapy too long?

There is a lot of repetition in therapy, as it is a common way we internalize things, simply by hearing them over and over again. If you've been with her for 6 months-year, then I'm not sure either one of you can say the therapy isn't working. If it's been 3-4 years, then maybe....

Also, is it the fear of dizziness or the fear of being ill that you indicated was your primary reason for therapy? It's hard to tell from your posts. Either is completely understandable don't you think?

The whole world goes cock-eyed and out of control when we are dizzy. I would be afraid of it too. Fear of illness is also a valid, but manageable concern.

Either way, I know you don't believe in medication, but the data are very clear on this. Problems with anxiety can be helped with medication. I'm not talking about complicated depression or anything of the sort, I'm specifically talking about anxiety.

If you had an infection, you would be wise to take antibiotics. If you had diabetes, it would be wise to take insulin. If you had high blood pressure, you would take an ACE inhibitor, or whatever.

I ask you to only consider that anxiety is a medical condition that manifests with physical symptoms. It can wreak havoc with your body - your heart, your kidneys, your adrenal glands, even your bones. But all that aside, if it is interferring with the quality of your life, then it may be worth at least considering that route, because (well according to my belief system) we only get one shot at this.

Now I'm not saying you need to start out on a powerful psychoactive med, but a mild dose of a beta blocker (this is not even a psych med) or a low dose of klonopin might really help you, or at least give you some respite from your symptoms.

Maybe even enough such that you could start in therapy to work on issues that support the anxiety and finally get at the core of the problem. I don't know. I've always done therapy in combination with meds.

Neither of these meds I mentioned (when dosed correctly) will turn you into a brain dead zombie, alter your personality, or change the core of you. I especially like these two drugs because they've been around forever and ever - no big safety issues are likely to come up. Yes there is an addictive potential for the klonopin, but it's a slow acting benzo, there is no immediate "hit" that so often drives addiction. You might just simply find some relief, not a cure, but some relief.

I don't know if you've had bad reactions to drugs before, and this is certainly not a "YOU HAVE TO DO THIS" post. Not at all. If anything, this is a "I hope you can find the help you need" post.

Let me end by saying that I think that it is malpractice for a therapist to terminate a patient because the patient will not go on medication. That's just unethical. However, if a therapist truly believes that he/she can no longer help a patient, then the ethical thing to to (IMO) is to refer the patient to another provider that might be of benefit.

[Tomtalk]

Originally Posted by olivia224

i went to my therapy session tonight and when i told her i was worried that i was in therapy too long, she said that she felt that therapy isnt helping, and that we repeat the same things everytime i see her. this made me soo anxious like im a lost casue. she told me to call her anytime but im worried like nothing is gunna help me....she says medication is the only way but i told her i dont believe in medication. i just feel so lost right now...like even she cant help me...can anyone help me or has anyone realized that therapy hasn't helped?
i just feel soo lost

How long have you been in thearpy??? What is too long?? I'm using it as a resource not an ad but if you go to web md, they say how thearpy can last for years for some but short as a couple months for others, it seems like it depends what your going through.

[olivia224]

yea my therapist just told me that she just didnt think i was doing much progress. I have been there for 7 months...and i have been going once a month for the past 4 months. she told me she could give me referrals...but idk it just didnt seem like it was much of a discussion.

my fear is dizziness and about my health...thats what really gets my anxiety

i no meds would help prob. i am just worried about it

i wish i could fix it without meds.

yea so only 7 months of therapy....since june of last year...one a week...then 3 times a month...then 2 times a month then once a month....soo idk

i guess she knew i wasnt doing well...

[Fartraveler]

That's actually not very much therapy.

Possibly she doesn't have that big a toolkit? What kind of training? Is that she only knows/does one kind of therapy (like maybe CBT) and if that doesn't work she's at a loss?

I think you should consider trying someone else who maybe has more training and experience.

-Far

[olivia224]

iguess i should try to help myself or get someone who is specialized in anixety....MY therapist specialzied in eating disorders....

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by olivia224

yea my therapist just told me that she just didnt think i was doing much progress. I have been there for 7 months...and i have been going once a month for the past 4 months. she told me she could give me referrals...but idk it just didnt seem like it was much of a discussion.

my fear is dizziness and about my health...thats what really gets my anxiety

i no meds would help prob. i am just worried about it

i wish i could fix it without meds.

yea so only 7 months of therapy....since june of last year...one a week...then 3 times a month...then 2 times a month then once a month....soo idk

i guess she knew i wasnt doing well...

Okay, that's not very much therapy at all. I do wonder about your therapist situation. If I were in your position, I would look into other options. It just doesn't sound like a good fit to me.

I think you have every right to be concerned about meds, and not have them pushed on you. It's a decision that requires some consideration in order to make an informed choice and that choice is yours to make.

I just know that anxiety can be debilitating.

[Kiya]

omg 7 months?! - you've only just (in theory) started building trust. holy crow.

[Fartraveler]

There are lots of non-med ways to deal with anxiety.

I got some biofeedback training which was very helpful -- 6 sessions, taught me to raise the temperature at my fingertips, which does reduce anxiety. Very easy to learn, and fun also. (I learned it at my university, are you near a university at all?)

Walking/biking/aerobic exercise can help a lot.

Meditation also. (Although for a long time I was too anxious to meditate, and I just rode my bike a lot.) (Now I am able to meditate -- I just do breath counting -- nothing fancy.)

Oh, if you don't like meds, how do you feel about herbal teas? Camomile is a bit little effective. Valerian is very effective (it tastes yucky, I always mix it with another tea, like mint.)

I also find warm milk with honey relaxing, although not everyone likes that.

Anyway, those are all non-therapy, non-med things that might help with anxiety.

And therapy is good too, of course, but yes, find someone who has training and experience in dealing with your issues.

[olivia224]

those are good suggestions....im mainly anxious about becoming dizzy....which i think is a cycle...casue i notice every little change and think im getting dizzy or something soo it never stops...i wish i could stop it...it is terrible.

[Rapunzel]

There are also some really good self-help books for anxiety. One is The Mindfulness & Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety. David Burns also has some helpful books. One of the keys in dealing with anxiety is to get unglued from worrying about having anxiety so much. It's hard, but that secondary anxiety is what really cripples us and paralyzes us from living our lives.

[Fartraveler]

And you're sure that the dizziness is not a medical problem? (improper glasses, balance and proprioceptive problems that flare up when you're tense, lots of things cause dizziness.)

Well, either way --

I tend to feel anxiety and tension in my body, in fact that is how I track my emotional mood. (I'm not very sensitive to my actual feelings.)

One wierd thing that helps is, because I feel this stuff physically, I can think about how the sensation physically feels, the location of the sensation, the shape of it, how far it extends, how it feels, and so on. If I really concentrate on the physical feeling, it tends to fade away.

This definitely helps me with anxiety, which for me is located in my stomach and my chest. I can even use it for headaches (some of the time.) Works for some other things, too.

So I don't know if this would work with dizziness, but it might be something to try.

[olivia224]

yea those r good suggestions

i dont think its medical...it might be my neck...b/c my neck is out of wack a bit soo that might cause it....but like my fear is that its an ear disorder....which i obsess over and over...

but idk

i think i need to go back to an ENT

wish i could just let it go

Originally Posted by Fartraveler

And you're sure that the dizziness is not a medical problem? (improper glasses, balance and proprioceptive problems that flare up when you're tense, lots of things cause dizziness.)

Well, either way --

I tend to feel anxiety and tension in my body, in fact that is how I track my emotional mood. (I'm not very sensitive to my actual feelings.)

One wierd thing that helps is, because I feel this stuff physically, I can think about how the sensation physically feels, the location of the sensation, the shape of it, how far it extends, how it feels, and so on. If I really concentrate on the physical feeling, it tends to fade away.

This definitely helps me with anxiety, which for me is located in my stomach and my chest. I can even use it for headaches (some of the time.) Works for some other things, too.

So I don't know if this would work with dizziness, but it might be something to try.

[Sannah]

I recovered from anxiety without ever taking a medication for it. Meds are to help you to cope when you are having difficulty. Meds don't cure the anxiety (they might lessen it but if you stop the med the anxiety will come back). What cures anxiety is figuring out what is feeding it (what thoughts and feelings that you are having and which life experiences you had while growing up which are causing the anxiety). If you grow up in an insecure environment you can have anxiety.

These are the issues that I worked on which fed my anxiety: low self worth, unhealthy boundaries, unexpressed feelings from the past, learning to live in the present, learning social skills and problem solving, learning to meet my needs, learning how to deal with my feelings, etc. One thing that is really important in healing is learning how to be aware of what is going on with you and then figuring it all out, where it is coming from and what it means. Self discovery and understanding is how you get better. A good therapist will help you do this............

[olivia224]

yea i emailed her and asked her what i did wrong what i should have done..and she told me that she cant make me change...i have to be open to it...and i did nothing wrong...i need to take time and really try and look at myself and change if needed...and she sais emailing her was a change...she was nice...i guess i just jumped to conclusions....

[Sannah]

Yah!!! Very good for being open with her and sending that email! Keep up the good work!