[Dani]

Just like the title says, I don't see the point in going to therapy anymore. I feel like I'm wasting my T's time, I'm sure there's people who are better clients and need her help more than I do. I don't see the point in going anymore. I can't speak, when I tried to talk today I just started crying because we were talking about my grandpa being in the hospital and I said I didn't want to talk about it. There were long moments of silence and I know she was waiting for me to say something, but I couldn't say anything. I was annoyed that she started our session 10 minutes late, when I hurried home after my finals so I could make the appointment and then because I wasn't saying much she let me go after about 40 minutes. I'm just angry with myself and I don't want to waste any more time in therapy if I'm not going to talk. I didn't make a new appt I just left.

[velcro003]

You should try going back. I am the ultimate NOT TALKER in therapy. I dreaded going for a long time because I know silence would ensue. My T just kept saying "You can tell me whatever you want, I'm not going to get mad or upset at you." over and over and over...and lots of silences where I've wanted to flee the room.

For me, opening up and talking about *feelings* (GROSS) has been ridiculously difficult. Me and my T have had many, many conversations (painful ones for me) of me being conviced she hates me, that she thinks I am a worthless patient, that I can't even do therapy right! I just had one last week, and I've been going there for 2.5 years. YET, she is always the same. She alwasy tells me that she is not going to kick me out, that she does want to work with me. That she would tell me if there was ever anything wrong.

Slowly, that repetition and her consistency has trickled its way into my brain. I believe some of it.

I imagine by continuing to go and continiung to listen, I may believe more and more.

You can do it. Because, I most certainly have been convinced (and still am in some ways) that I won't ever be able to talk about difficult things. There are still topics I avoid, that we never talk about...and if we ever approach that subject, who knows how I'll feel? It is all a process. I can't talk about the big scary things until I feel 1000% in my mind and soul that she's safe.

[WePow]

Velcro shares a lot of wonderful things with that post! I am sad that your T ended session early just because of the silence. My T will sit there and we just look at each other in the eyes when we have our silent times. It helps me because I feel like he can see my pain that I can't say. And one time I kept saying "I just... I just... I just..." and he said "It is OK to just sit together and not say anything if that helps." :-)
I wish you could have that somehow with your T too...

[Perna]

Dani, I didn't talk, like you describe, for several years. But I wouldn't give up on myself and therapy and eventually, that turned around and worked well for me.

[Mike_J]

It takes time, I have been in therapy for over five years with the same therapist, and there are still days when I have trouble talking.

How long have you been seeing your therapist?

[gravyyy]

I definitely have trouble talking sometimes. Many Ts use silence as a therapeutic tool. It allows the client time to sit and think and process and then speak. Clients can't always get to the speak part, but think of how much more overwhelming it would be if you were sitting there and crying and trying to find words and T was just blabbing on and on about whatever. Over time (and sometimes a long time) those periods of silence typically lessen. If it's an issue between you and your T, like a trust issue or just not connecting, maybe you could "try out" other Ts. I don't think all is lost for you and therapy. I think you're going through a normal part of the therapy process... I have been in therapy for 3 years and still have times where I sit for 10 minutes without anyone saying anything. It hasn't ever gotten less frustrating for me, but since I now realize the opportunity silence offers, I have learned to accept it and work through it. Best wishes to you but try to hang in there and keep going.

[sunrise]

Dani, I would like to encourage you to keep going to therapy. You must really want to share what you have to say with another person if you keep going despite not talking. That is your way of telling yourself you need this. A T can be the perfect person to share with. I know it's hard to become comfortable enough to talk, but if not now, in therapy, then when? Quit therapy and then try again in another 10 years? The pain just stays inside when we don't let it out. In 10 years time, it will still be waiting for you.

Do you talk with your therapist about things that are not upsetting, such as everyday events? Or is it hard to talk about those things too? I am sorry to hear about your grandpa, BTW, and understand why it would be hard to talk about that. I think being able to cry in therapy about your grandpa shows you do trust your therapist a lot. I think there is a lot to be gained by crying in therapy even if we can't share words that go along with the sadness. It's also OK to not explain our tears to our therapist. Or do that another day. Sometimes I just say to my therapist when I'm crying or about to cry and am unable to discuss, "I feel sad." That's all I say. Somehow even being able to say those three words is helpful. I don't know why. It's like that's all the explanation for my tears that is needed. T never says, "why?" or hounds me to speak when I can't. He's just very accepting and lets me be sad.

It sounds like your T gave you a lot of space to be sad too. She may not have been sitting there waiting for you to say something at all. She may have just been sharing your silence and your sadness. I said to my T once, when I was having a hard time sharing something with him, and we had been silent together for a while, "I feel like you're waiting for me to say something." He said no, he wasn't, he was sitting there just "being" with me. All the pressure to say something to him was from me.

So I encourage you to talk with your therapist about your feelings about not being able to talk to her. And share that you wonder if there is a point in going to therapy anymore. You could also ask if she has any ideas on how you can begin talking.

I'm sure there's people who are better clients

It is not the client's responsibility to be better or worse than other clients. The therapist learns the most from you when you can just be yourself.

[jenkins09]

Dani,

I am finishing up my CADC and my undergrad in Social Work. Just to ease your mind, silence is on of the ways in which a therapist is attending to the client. It gives you time to gather your thoughts and I can tell you that this silence doesnt bother your T. I would encourage you to keep going and embrace those moments when it feels uncomfortable. I have found that is when I learn some really great things about myself.

[ECHOES]

I was annoyed that she started our session 10 minutes late, when I hurried home after my finals so I could make the appointment

Holding in anger takes a whole bunch of energy and stirs up a lot of feelings.
I'm sorry that she let you go after 40 minutes. Do you mean you decided to leave, or she said time was up?
What if you went back and talked, saying exactly everything you said in your post? There is so much there to talk more about.

[Dani]

I'm sorry for not responding to all of your messages sooner. It's been a stressful week with my grandpa being ill and having to work, so I haven't had time to respond. Thank you for all of your responses.

I've been seeing my T for over 2 years now. We've had some good sessions in the past where I've opened up a little, but I think it's just hard for me to completely open up because I've never done that before. For most of my life I've kept everything bottled up inside and I'm so used to keeping things to myself, staying silent. Part of me is scared of letting someone else in, letting them see what I feel inside, the ugliness included.

I know part of me wants to talk, otherwise I wouldn't have started going to therapy. But I get these negative thoughts where I think I'm not a good enough client, that I'm wasting her time, etc. When I was a teenager I saw a T and there were a lot of times I didn't talk and she got frustrated with me and asked me one day why I bothered coming to therapy if I wasn't going to talk. So I have this fear that my current T thinks the same thing.

I called my T's office this morning and she was booked all day, tomorrow, and Wednesday. So I made an appointment for Thursday, so I guess I'll give it a try again and see how it goes.