[googley]

I went into T today and felt really disconnected. I'd been triggered earlier in the day and felt really closed off. I showed my T the homework. Then after that she said that she thought I needed more help. All I asked her to help me with was my anxiety with my professors. Is that too much to ask? I didn't ask her to help me delve into my other issues. Just that one thing. Then she said maybe we should work on my sadness. I said okay, but I still need to work on my anxiety with my professors. Now she wants to get rid of me. I tried to trust her. I really tried to trust her after getting dropped by my other T because I couldn't afford to keep seeing her. I don't know what to do now. I didn't ask for her to deal with my other issues. Just help me with my anxiety. Now I feel all alone. No one wants me. No one wants to help me.

[WePow]

(((( googley )))) I am so sorry you are in pain. What did she do or say that makes you hear that she wants to get "rid" of you? BIG BIG safe hugs!

[googley]

I don't know what I did wrong.

She said that she thought I needed more help than she could provide. I know it was only short term. But it was hopefully holding me over till I could find something else. But now it seems like she wants to get rid of me before that time is up. I told her going in that I only wanted to work on this one issue. Then she wanted to open up my depression. So I was like okay. But now she wants to get rid of me. Why couldn't she just stick to the anxiety?

[granite1]

maybe she will help you find a long term solutin and someone who will be able to see you for more then 12 sessons.someone who can stick with you

[Eriksplus]

Originally Posted by googley

I don't know what I did wrong.

She said that she thought I needed more help than she could provide. I know it was only short term. But it was hopefully holding me over till I could find something else. But now it seems like she wants to get rid of me before that time is up. I told her going in that I only wanted to work on this one issue. Then she wanted to open up my depression. So I was like okay. But now she wants to get rid of me. Why couldn't she just stick to the anxiety?

Our T does this to us as well.
We think it's because in order to get to the bigger things, we must get to the smaller ones first.
I hope this helped some and you will feel better soon...

(Webber)Erik

[rainbow8]

She said that she thought I needed more help than she could provide. I know it was only short term. But it was hopefully holding me over till I could find something else. But now it seems like she wants to get rid of me before that time is up

Googley: I'm sorry you had a disappointing session. But, your T didn't actually SAY she wanted to get rid of you, did she? She just said she thought you needed more help than she could provide. She didn't tell you she won't see you. Can you ask her if she can find someone whom you could afford who will give you the help she thinks you need?

What is wrong with working on sadness? If she suggested that, then she's not trying to get rid of you, is she?

[googley]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Googley: I'm sorry you had a disappointing session. But, your T didn't actually SAY she wanted to get rid of you, did she? She just said she thought you needed more help than she could provide. She didn't tell you she won't see you. Can you ask her if she can find someone whom you could afford who will give you the help she thinks you need?

What is wrong with working on sadness? If she suggested that, then she's not trying to get rid of you, is she?

Last session she said we should work on sadness, and I said "I guess we can work on that but we also have to work on my anxiety." Now today she said that she thinks I need more help and should get more help somewhere else. I just feel like she thinks I'm too screwed up. I don't feel like I was asking for that much help. Can't I have an off day in therapy without my T saying I need more help and she wants to get rid of me?

[Sannah]

Googley, a therapist can evaluate a client and see if the needed work is superficial or deeper work. She is acting correctly by realizing gaps between what is needed and what she can do. If she is a campus counselor, she doesn not have experience with deeper therapy, especially if the rule is 12 sessions.

You asked to just work on anxiety, a tip of the iceberg, but she can probably understand that there is more to the iceberg under the water. You deserve good therapy Googley.

I think that there is some triggering going on. You have an expectation that you are going to be sent away and people want to get rid of you because of how you grew up. You are trying to fit this trigger into what happened with this T because this is the treatment that you expect.

I am assuming that you didn't explore the topic with her because your urge was to run away from it but talking to her about your options could be productive.

[ECHOES]

(((googley)))
It sounds to me like she is agreeing with what you have said and what you worried about before beginning with this T: that 12 sessions would not be enough. I think she wants you to have more. I wonder if she has connections and could find you a T that you can afford and would not be limited to 12 sessions, and with whom you could get started now instead of waiting until the end of the 12 sessions with current T.

I don't think she wants to get rid of you. I think she is feeling compassion and caring that you get what you need.

[Melbadaze]

I've found in my own journey that as you work on one thing, so something else becomes apparent. Anxiety could be masking something else, I understand there is a great fear in putting ourselves under a microscope, and unless one is fully co,mited to that then it makes working with someone difficult and they would be wasting your time if the time isnt ready for that person yet. Therapy is much like tring to herd cats. Perhaps feeling that its the therapist that are unwilling to work with you on this one thing you are only willing to work on is a defence? are you willing to go anywhere in thErapy? If no then perhaps you'd get more Help from self help books where you can pick what you want to read and work on? Its ok to not want to open old wounds also, it all dependS on whether our day to day life is the best it can be for us?If its not then we do ourselves a mis service by not trying to make it so and doning whatever that takes? Its not easy, but I found my day to day life was harder not Being willing to look at all possible reasons for tHat. Good luck.

[eskielover]

My psychologist said the same thing to me.....that there was so much going on in my life that needed to be handled along with all the deeper things that she needed to be able to get to. She provided me with a therapist that came out to my farm every other week & I see her the every other week. They don't even charge me for the therapist that comes to my house because it's provided under grant money by the state. It's hard sometimes to get into the things that we really need the help with when we have so many other issues that we have to deal with. Think your new T has been able to see just how many areas you really do need help in. She may realize that you need more in the lines of a psychologist rather than just a T also to deal with your problems. Which means that she is looking out for your best interest rather than trying to get rid of you.

Like Sannah said, the tip of the iceburgs are tiny compaired to what is underneath. Your new T can see that there are a lot of underlying issues you really need help with & possibly more complicated that she can handle, but more than likely, she feels that it will take longer than the 12 weeks she can provide & thinks that it would be in your best interest to start with a T now that can continue seeing you long after the 12 weeks with her would have been up.

Sometimes it's important to see the positive aspect of something....like she is looking out for your best interest rather than trying to get rid of you. Our perspective of things can be clouded by our past experiences.

[googley]

But it still feels like she wants to get rid of me. All I asked her to help me with was my anxiety around my professors. I never said there weren't other issues, but knowing there was only 12 sessions, I wanted to keep it to something simple.

It makes me feel so alone. I don't understand why everyone hates me.

Even my parents hate me. It was my birthday yesterday and they didn't call or email or anything. I feel so alone.

[Sannah]

Googley, can you see how your past is affecting this situation? Can you see how you are fitting the present into your past? Yes, it feels like she is getting rid of you because this is how you feel your parents treat you. Dysfunctional parents have many issues which keep them from being good, attentive parents. If you can see this issue of their neglect of you being about them and not because of you, it can help you to heal. Once you heal this issue you will stop seeing this same issue pop up in your present life.

[WePow]

I don't hate you ... and I think I am someone - maybe?

That is so sad that your parents didn't wish you a happy B-day. I am sorry they are like that.

[peaches100]

Googley,

I really, REALLY like you too!! I read your posts and have warm feelings for you all the time. I want the best for you! I think this t just realizes you need a t who can go deeper with you and not try to heal everything in the span of 12 sessions. I don't think it's a rejection of you. She probably knows you need somebody who is better trained in the areas you need. I know it feels bad, since you had to stop seeing your other t. It probably feels like you're being shuffled around. But it might turn out to your benefit if you end up with somebody who can help you more and possibly be in it for the long term.

[eskielover]

But it still feels like she wants to get rid of me. All I asked her to help me with was my anxiety around my professors. I never said there weren't other issues, but knowing there was only 12 sessions, I wanted to keep it to something simple.

Feelings are not always a very good indicator of current reality because they are usually based on past experiences which may not in reality be anything like the current situation. Especially when we haven't really talked it through with the person. When we start throwing our assumptions into the words of someone else without letting them define what they are saying, we open ourselves up for the hurt & stressful situation that you are going through. Before you assume that she is just wanting to get rid of you, you really need to let her express exactly where she is coming from & what she really is saying with her words.

It makes me feel so alone. I don't understand why everyone hates me.

Again, when we start to generalize with our feelings, it leaves us open to so much hurt. I am sure that is you look at your life in reality, you would find many people who not only DON'T HATE you, but actually do LOVE you.....sometimes we have to look a bit but it's important, when we start to feel this way, to really look for the positive & loving people in our lives.

Even my parents hate me. It was my birthday yesterday and they didn't call or email or anything. I feel so alone.

I am separated & moved 2200 miles away from everyone I know. I have no family (my parents died years ago) & I only have a daughter who lives 1000+ miles away. We don't communicate a lot either even though we do know that we love each other......birthdays go by without any calls also. At first it did make me feel so alone, but I am making other friends (who don't alway call on my birthday either)....but I have learned to enjoy my birthdays. I have learned over the years that my value as a person is not tied to that of the other people around me, but who I am in my world, the world around me.

Hope that some day you will be able to find peace in your life

[googley]

I'm reading that people don't think she wants to get rid of me. I feel like I did something wrong. And I don't know what. I don't know what she wants to do. Last time someone said something like this my pdoc in undergrad sent me inpatient. I don't need to go inpatient. I'm not anything near that bad. Maybe just a little more depressed than what is usual, but not bad, and I know that is mostly because of med stuff. But now I feel like I can't tell her what is going on. I just want to be able to trust someone to help me. I don't know what to do. It's just so confusing.

[Sannah]

So you feel that you did something wrong because everyone here is not agreeing with you? When you grow up in a dysfunctional family you learn dysfunctional things. Getting better requires unconvering these dysfunctional beliefs, examining them and coming to something more functional. Because you have dyfunctional beliefs doesn't mean that you have done anything wrong. It is totally normal to come out of a dysfunctional family with dysfunctional beliefs. I had a whole sack full of them. I did not choose them. I was a child and I learned from my environment. A person can only move on from where they are. Accept where you are so that you can work to move forward Googley.

You must have open communication with your T if you want to move forward. A lack of open communication makes things so icky. This is how we get isolated and let our minds run off. It is not good. This is a pattern from our dysfunctional families. Dysfunctional family members are isolated from one another. This becomes the norm. To be healthy, communication is the norm, not isolation.

[googley]

Originally Posted by Sannah

So you feel that you did something wrong because everyone here is not agreeing with you? .

No, I feel like I did something wrong because my T thinks I need more help. I did my homework and showed it to her. Then she said she thought I needed more help. Maybe I shouldn't have showed it to her and then she wouldn't have thought this. Or I said something else wrong. I feel like I'm being punished for telling the truth. I feel all mixed up inside. I don't know which way is up.

I know I have trust issues. This has just totally stirred them all up, and now I don't know what I can trust. I don't know if I can trust my own feelings or what I am experiencing. And it is all running around in my head. <--- I feel like this guy.

[Melbadaze]

cant you take the trust you do have here, or else you wouldnt be able to br so open and transfer it to others? Recovery is hard, when we feel most anxious is when we're most open to learning new ways? DesperaTion is a gift unopened, i've been there a thousand times.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by googley

she said that she thought I needed more help. All I asked her to help me with was my anxiety with my professors. Is that too much to ask? I didn't ask her to help me delve into my other issues. Just that one thing. Then she said maybe we should work on my sadness. I said okay, but I still need to work on my anxiety with my professors. Now she wants to get rid of me. I tried to trust her.

It doesn't sound like she did anything untrustworthy. Googley, you have said yourself that you have more issues to work on than can be done in 12 sessions, so it sounds like she is agreeing with your assessment. How about if you tell her that you realize you have a lot of issues, but due to the time-limited nature of the services she provides, you would like to focus on one issue that is of immediate concern to you--anxiety about your progress in your academic program, and perhaps some related concerns like how to communicate effectively with the faculty in your department, how to prepare effectively for exams, etc. And then ask her if those concerns are within her scope of practice. You could also tell her that while you work on these concerns with her, if she could be looking for options for affordable, longer term therapy for you outside of the university, that would be really helpful. Ask for her help in keeping your focus on this immediate and important issue. It sounds like she is not really helping you focus your therapy so indicating a need for that might help her settle down and keep your sessions on track.

Originally Posted by googley

I don't know what to do now. I didn't ask for her to deal with my other issues. Just help me with my anxiety.

It seems perfectly appropriate to remind her of this.

Originally Posted by googley

Now I feel all alone. No one wants me. No one wants to help me.

I thought she just said you needed more help, not that she won't work with you for your 12 sessions. Did she say she won't see you anymore? I think generalizing her statement that you need additonal help to "no one wants me" is not accurate or helpful, googley. You can talk yourself into a hole that way. Can you stick to what she said and consider it as an individual situation?

Originally Posted by googley

Can't I have an off day in therapy without my T saying I need more help and she wants to get rid of me?

Googley, if you want to make efficient use of your time with this counselor, getting distracted with issues like this are going to make that difficult. I consider them important and don't want to seem like I am minimizing them. But if you and this counselor are going to work on why you react to her the way you do, why her statement makes you feel that you can't have an off day, etc., your 12 sessions are going to quickly be used up. Yes, all this interpersonal stuff is important in working on self concept and other key concerns when one is in a longer term therapy situation, but you aren't.

Originally Posted by googley

But it still feels like she wants to get rid of me.

Yes, but that doesn't make it true. Working on your feelings of rejection might be better for longer term therapy.

Originally Posted by googley

Even my parents hate me. It was my birthday yesterday and they didn't call or email or anything. I feel so alone.

I'm sorry you are not as close to your parents as you would like. Do they usually call on your birthday so you were expecting that? Some families just don't do the birthday thing well or sometimes unfortunately it's true people don't care enough. I don't know which it is for your family, but not having expectations of them might help with the pain. They are who they are. You can have your birthday and enjoy it without their call. I saw you got a lot of birthday well wishes on PC. You are well liked here, googley!

Originally Posted by googley

I don't know what she wants to do.

Talk to her and find out. A conversation could clear up a lot and might relieve some of your anxiety.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by googley

No, I feel like I did something wrong because my T thinks I need more help. I did my homework and showed it to her. Then she said she thought I needed more help. Maybe I shouldn't have showed it to her and then she wouldn't have thought this. Or I said something else wrong. I feel like I'm being punished for telling the truth.

Googley, you have issues because of your parents. This is a fact. Accepting this fact will be very helpful because then you can get to work. It isn't your fault that you have issues. Anyone who grew up in your situation would have issues too. Childhood requires a certain level of parenting and you didn't get it. I am sorry that you have issues. It is okay, though. I had many issues and I made my way through them and you can too.

You can't start where you wish you were. You can only start where you are.

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by Sannah

You can't start where you wish you were. You can only start where you are.

Thank you for this Sannah. It is helpful to me.


For googley

[eskielover]

Sometimes we aren't aware of all the issues we have because they just become NORMAL to us. It isn't until outsiders are able to look at us & hear what we are saying that they are able to see just how much depth there is surrounding our issues, especially those who are trained at seeing those kinds of things. We need to work on all the levels of issues to be healed, not just the levels that we are aware of (the untrained eye that has become mostly comfortable with where we are)

Sounds like you have a very good & competent T that is watching out for you. Listen to what you are being told & see if it really is right on.

Wishing you the best with your Therapy