[eurydice]

Do any of you worry about your therapist's weight? Is it something you can talk about with your therapist? I have a dx of anorexia nervosa, and my therapist is a little, well, chubby. Sometimes, it makes me a little afraid to trust him. But I'm afraid to bring it up-- I don't want to make him uncomfortable. Or what if he tells me to take a hike?

[JustWannaDisappear]

Other peoples weight doesn't bother me. It's my own that I hate. I've been bulimic for 14yrs, but haven't talked to my therapist about it yet. The only time I was uncomfortable about it, was my old therapist was pretty thin and I felt she would laugh at me if she knew about my ED. Of course she didn't, she told me she struggled with bulimia as a teenager and young adult as well.

That probably wasn't what you were looking for..

[Lauru]

If it's really bothering you and interfering with therapy, you need to tell him. He may get uncomfortable but he probably won't get rid of you. He may want to discuss why you have a problem with his weight though.

[BlackCanary]

I have heart disease, and I have started looking at obese people as slowly committing suicide. So, imagine how it sounded when I told my pDoc that "There is someone at cardiac rehab who looks just like you!"
I meant the same face and hair.
She immediately said "Oh my that can't be good!"
Because she is overweight. Yeah, I thought of that.

My current T is a little plump, but she knows about her heart disease risks so I don't think much about it. It helped me set it aside that she talked about being aware of her health risks and what she does about it.

I think you will find it a useful - and possibly difficult - topic with your T, even to ask "What is it like to work with clients who have ED?"
Also, do you wish you could just be comfortable with being any size, like he might be comfortable with his chubbiness?

[rainbow8]

I've seen my T for about 6 months and I noticed right away that she's very thin. I thought maybe she was anorexic but I think she's just thin. It bothers me and I may ask her about it. I'm overweight but don't have an ED. I just wish my T didn't look like she's anorexic even if she's not.

I don't think my T would be angry if I asked about her weight, but I don't want to hurt her feelings. If it's important to your therapeutic relationship, it's something that you have every right to discuss.

[Eliza Jane]

I find my T's weight triggering for the opposite reason. She is extremely fit (runs marathons) and I am somewhat overweight. I feel like she is secretly judgmental of me and would like me more if I were thinner.

I think the bottom line is that weight is a very difficult and painful topic for many of us.

EJ

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by Eliza Jane

I find my T's weight triggering for the opposite reason. She is extremely fit (runs marathons) and I am somewhat overweight. I feel like she is secretly judgmental of me and would like me more if I were thinner.

I think the bottom line is that weight is a very difficult and painful topic for many of us.

EJ

I feel the same way....and although the topic of my weight has not entered into therapy, I am pretty sure it will at some point....My T is very body oriented - and is convinced that what we do to our bodies has a psychological meaning to it...meaning, I'm overweight for some reason other than eating too much and not getting enough exercise....

I do not want to talk about that....because I would hate to think that my T finds me repulsive because of my weight....

[Eliza Jane]

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

I feel the same way....and although the topic of my weight has not entered into therapy, I am pretty sure it will at some point....My T is very body oriented - and is convinced that what we do to our bodies has a psychological meaning to it...meaning, I'm overweight for some reason other than eating too much and not getting enough exercise....

I do not want to talk about that....because I would hate to think that my T finds me repulsive because of my weight....

I have been seeing this T for about 3 yrs now and we have finally broached the weight issue. It has been uncomfortable, but helpful too, I think. For example, I discovered that I tend to overeat after spending time with my mother. Hmmm...coincidence? We talk a lot about eating to "stuff" feelings. I somehow didn't realize how much I do this!

T has been gentle about it and trying to prevent me from feeling overly attacked. She also talks about overeating rather than me being overweight--a slight distinction, but it somehow feels better to me.

I haven't yet had the guts to bring up her weight and my fear that she looks down on me. Maybe someday we'll get there too.

Best,
EJ

[mixedup_emotions]

I'm kinda hoping I'll be able to make those psychological connections on my own without T - and then work towards making changes - so that it won't ever become a topic.

[deliquesce]

Originally Posted by eurydice

Do any of you worry about your therapist's weight? Is it something you can talk about with your therapist? I have a dx of anorexia nervosa, and my therapist is a little, well, chubby. Sometimes, it makes me a little afraid to trust him. But I'm afraid to bring it up-- I don't want to make him uncomfortable. Or what if he tells me to take a hike?

if your T is working with clients who have body image issues then i'm sure he is more than aware of his own and has probably talked with other clients about it also!
my pdoc is a little chubbabubba. thing is, i know he does a lot of exercise and makes sure to keep himself fit and healthy. i'm more scared of my therapist, who is a part time fitness instructor. he is perfectly cut. it makes me feel like disappearing sometimes, when we talk about my body stuff. i feel like he can't help but judge me.
i'm wondering how your T's weight makes it difficult for you to trust him? is it that you're worried he doesn't understand, or doesn't care about your anorexia? or that he'll want you to be as large as he is? or...?
i think it'd be a good discussion to have with your T .

[eurydice]

Thanks everyone. I guess I'm hesitant to take his advice because if he doesn't live a healthy lifestyle, how I am supposed to? How does he know what's moderate, you know? I know he's not in charge of my meal plan or exercise plan, but I want to be able to look to him as role model.

[mobius]

Weight hasn't been an issue (yet?) for me in therapy. My therapist and I have pretty similar, average body types.

That said, your question seems to bring up a bigger question (for me) of how explicitly we talk about our therapists (and our relationships with them) when the discussion involves something personal - like weight (or sexual orientation, or politics, or parenting style, or whatever). I'm simultaneously terrified and fascinated about the idea of talking on a more "personal" (real?) level with my therapist about the nature of our relationship. But a lot of the things I might want to talk about involve my therapist's personal experiences, and I don't really feel comfortable asking her to go there, so to speak. She's been willing to disclose some things about herself over the years, but I'm every wary of what feel like invisible boundaries around what is and isn't off limits. I'd imagine that weight might fall into that category - it could be really important to your treatment, or somewhat irrelevant. You feel like it's influencing your ability to trust your therapist, and in that sense, it is important.

I highly, highly doubt your therapist will tell you to take a hike. But I get that it's a really scary thing to bring up. Let us know how it goes if you decide to discuss it?

[Eliza Jane]

I agree that is a very interesting issue/topic. An additional wrinkle in the weight-related discussion is that it is something that we might not even feel comfortable talking about w/ a friend. That is the cool/scary thing about therapy--you can go places you can't usually go.

EJ

[Melbadaze]

My T is small and chubby, and when I first got with her, over yrs ago, that surprised me, I thought she should be perfect, of course 6yrs on I realise she doesn't use her body as a punch bag for her emotions and actually if you look back at acient drawings, most women are rounded, its todays sick society that says stick objects make better women lol!, I've allowed myself to put weight on because of T.

[Verbascum]

I wondered about this a lot.
I am tall & thin, just genetically lucky I guess, and my T is almost as tall as I am but definitely overweigt, and she seems to have a problem with it. She often gives comments on my shape (well, you ARE thin... you DO have a good figure... that kind of thing) Btw, I'm not anorexic and her comments are actually off-topic.
But I saw her reading a rather famous diet book once when I came in, and since then I wonder about it. I think she has a problem with my figure. Well, it's her problem, I know, but I feel a bit guilty about is sometimes...

[rainbow8]

So it seems like no one has actually told their T what they feel about Ts weight. Like I posted before, I want to, but I'm afraid to. I don't know if there is a way to tell if someone is anorexic vs being very thin. I wouldn't ask a friend but a T is different. I agree with Mobius that it's possible to explore things in therapy you don't with anyone else. My session is today; now I wonder if I will bring it up!

[perpetuallysad]

I'm not really sure that your therapist's weight should be any of your concern. As others have pointed out, weight is obviously a trigger for a lot of people for different reasons. I personally find it quite rude and upsetting that so many people would make judgments about other people so freely without knowing anything other than they are over/under weight.

[Perna]

I would be worried that my views on my own weight would cause my views on other people's weight to be off? Presumably, if you have anorexia, you think you are too large yourself? So, how can you tell if your therapist is chubby or he just looks chubby to you? When I have perception problems and know it I tend to leave "what" I see, alone, and work on my own view of myself. But I would definitely tell my T, were I you, that I see him as overweight and feel I have trouble trusting him because ___________ (whatever you find the problem, as deliquesce wonders).

[Oceanwave]

Originally Posted by eurydice

Do any of you worry about your therapist's weight? Is it something you can talk about with your therapist? I have a dx of anorexia nervosa, and my therapist is a little, well, chubby. Sometimes, it makes me a little afraid to trust him. But I'm afraid to bring it up-- I don't want to make him uncomfortable. Or what if he tells me to take a hike?

Hi Eurydice, I think it would be a very good idea to bring this up in therapy with him. The way you see him is more about you than him; and it is related to what you need to be working on in therapy right now (ED, self-perception and perception of others, etc). Why this leads to trust issues is also something to explore. Please don't be afraid to bring this up with him.

[Rozine]

Hi,

Have you tried simply saying to him that you have a problem with people who are overweight and that it makes it difficult for you to trust them and see where it goes to from there? If it was me that would be the approach I'd take instead of telling the therapist outright that I thought they were overweight - otherwise I would feel like I was being a little judgemental and unkind.

Thanks

[Hope4joy]

Does your T have particular experience with you dx? I do see such contrast potentially creating trust issues if he/she can't relate to what you experience. If your finding yourself not respecting them based on their own struggles (i.e weight), that is a lot different.

My T told me on day 1 I could ask her whatever I wanted to. I've asked what might be considered intrusive questions a few times but only when I believed the answers/explanations would be helpful to my healing. She answered them because she believed it would be helpful and also trusts the spirit in which I would ask.

I think clients should ask whatever they want to. The T is trained to hold boundaries and should feel fine saying they are not comfortable answering or using the question to explore other pathways. That's why we pay them.

By the way, my T is a bit plump. I still think she is beautiful because of who she is with me.

[eurydice]

I think I'm going to bring it up. And I don't really have a problem with overweight people-- I have a problem with my ED therapist being overweight and the implications of that. I would never just point out that he'd overweight. I'm just saying, I want to be able to trust that he's going to help me regain a healthy amount of weight. And right now, that's really really hard for me to do.

One of my most significant diagnoses is anorexia nervosa.

My T is very thin, and I noticed this right away. I think she is just a small person though, she's short too. She doesn't look unhealthy-- either too skinny or too chubby-- and I think that was very important for me.

I actually found out later that she specializes in eating disorders.

I brought her weight up with her very early on in my therapy. I think it was a positive thing. I would definitely suggest talking to your T about this issue if you can, especially if he is an ED therapist. He will understand that you are not personally insulting him. It's part of a disease and you are in therapy to get better and he should be willing to help you in any way possible.

[Rozine]

Originally Posted by eurydice

I think I'm going to bring it up. And I don't really have a problem with overweight people-- I have a problem with my ED therapist being overweight and the implications of that. I would never just point out that he'd overweight. I'm just saying, I want to be able to trust that he's going to help me regain a healthy amount of weight. And right now, that's really really hard for me to do.

Hi,

I understand what you mean - that does make sense. Kind of like if I had an addiction problem I wouldn't feel too inspired if the person I was seeing was clearly an addict!

[Oceanwave]

Originally Posted by eurydice

I think I'm going to bring it up. And I don't really have a problem with overweight people-- I have a problem with my ED therapist being overweight and the implications of that. I would never just point out that he'd overweight. I'm just saying, I want to be able to trust that he's going to help me regain a healthy amount of weight. And right now, that's really really hard for me to do.

Ah, I see. Yet another reason to bring it up with him. It would be a very good idea, in my view, to talk this through.