rough pdoc session today

My pdoc doesn't normally do therapy, and I can really understand why, the guy has all the therapeutic warmth of a dead fish, but since my last "crisis" he's insisted on seeing me weekly - last month it was for an hour, thankfully now it's been dropped down to just half an hour for the rest of the summer. But today we started talking a little bit about the accident and how ambivalent about it I felt. I'd told him about a previous incident 15 years ago when something just came over me when I was driving and I deliberately ran a red.

So then I had to ask him if he knew anything about ego state theory, and he said not much, so I wound up trying to explain it to him and what I'm doing with my T with EMDR to try and heal and integrate my younger vulnerable ego states, at least one of whom is always suicidal. I felt like such a freak. It was all horrible and awkward and scary and all the little me's felt threatenned like I was betraying them by talking about them.

Fortunately the session ended pretty quickly.

I'm actually really relieved that I'm going IP next week and don't have to see him. He still wants to see me in 2 weeks though.

I just honestly don't get why some people go into psychiatry.

--splitimage

((((((SplitImage))))))

I'm really sorry your session didn't go well. I had a point in time when my pdoc wanted to see me weekly. It was hard because she also was not used to dealing with clients in a more therapy type set up. I'm glad you are going IP and are going to get the help you need. Take care of yourself.

Oh, that's too bad your pdoc isn't easier to talk to (not even amusing like the dead fish in TV ads where they flap up and talk?). I'm glad you are trying to educate him a bit for his other patients :-) Hope ip going works well for you and you get the care you need.

He's probably interested in all the psych pharmacology. I'm sorry it was such a dud of a session. If he's really into drugs maybe you can just talk about the psych drugs with him to pass the time instead of going into things like ego state therapy, about which he is clueless and sounds like he has no interest. Sorry you have to go for these sessions that you don't really want.

Some psychiatrists do not value therapy at all. They believe they have all we need in the power of their prescription pad and nothing else is needed.
Makes me wonder if he is like this.

(((((((((splitimage)))))))) i do hope you're alright and that ip will be helpful. you're in my thoughts.

Splitimage, I am sorry you are having a tough time.
It is very ironic that the Doctors in this world are deliberately "trained" to dissociate for their survival....imagine that. They detatch emotion from their work so they do not become "too invested". However, I have found from working with them, most are quite caring and I have seen many cry like babies because they felt helpless when trying to help certain patients. But the patient never gets to see it.
Also, if he insists on seeing you, he is concerned and wants to make sure you are safe and ok. But, it is unfortunate that they feel that we should not see them as "human".
Not defending, just sharing some things I have learned from working with Doctors for many years.
I have also noticed, the times they act the coldest, or the most distracted, is when they are feeling the most emotion....they are struggling to stay distanced.
But that doesn't make us feel any better when we are sitting in the "patient" chair and feeling like we have egg on our face.
I hope all goes well for you....safe hugs and much encouragement your way...

Nupoet64, that is really interesting to know... i have to let that one sit with me for a while