list i would love to give my T

Granite, I think giving your T that list would be the best thing to do in your situation. She has no idea what's going on with you and she needs to know. It's not ideal that you can't tell her yourself just yet, but right now that's not a priority, I don't think. My advice would be not to worry and just give her that list. In any case, make up your mind either way and you will feel better.

((((sannah )))) i hope you will be in my pocketand around after.i worry about the fall out if i talk to my T on monday.i just dont do well but you are right things arnt working well at this point at all.i cant see how things can get any worse unless T totally beats me up with my words and knowledge of what is going on in my head.i need to try not to think this way.i like lists and this is my evidence list that T is a trust worthy person.i cant remember who else did this but i liked it
1.t has shown me that she is kind yet strong.
2.after all the breaks and vacations T. has convinced me somewhat that she isnt going anyplace.she has always come back and was thare when i came back exsept once and she took responcability for that.
3.she has never been mean to me
4.has no intrest in hurting me in any way.
i know the list isnt very long but it is a start.

I hope you are able to give T the list.

Also, I hope you are connected with other Moms with deployed children. They will understand your fears intuitively. Here's a national organization for Moms - also has local chapters -- http://www.bluestarmothers.org

im gonna bring my list with me but i'm gonna try to talk about one thing maybe not at great length but some .i'm so totally paniced about it.i really hope things will be ok after

wow thanks black canary.do you know i didnt even know what a blue star flag was untill i went to the local veterans office to get help getting a flag flown over the capitol for my son.he gave me one and explained what it was about.do you have a child in service?

Granite, I like your list about your T. It is a good idea. I like lists too!

i made a list of reasons T has given me not to trust her and that had only a few things on it now if thats the case why dont i trust her.she has not given me much reasons to or not to.whats up with that?today i dont know if going to T makes any differance at all.maybe this is just because it is getting so close and i am scared big time again or something but i dont want to go now

We learn to trust when we are babies (and I think that it even continues beyond that). From what you have told me about the mother, she only gave you reasons to distrust her. This stuff, while growing up, gets embedded pretty deep. Your reflex is to not trust anyone. You can change it with work and focus. (But only trusting those who have earned it).

I have heard many times that the best time to go to therapy is when you don't want to go.

(((((((granite))))))))

My T tells me not to try to figure things out. Can you just go to your session and tell her what you are feeling when you are sitting there trying to talk? Can you just tell her how scared you are? When I emailed my T and told her how embarrassed I was about the last session, she said she hoped that I would not think so much about what I think she thinks!

Your T is on your side. She's not your enemy. Do you ever say the words "I'm scared" to her? There's a quote "Rome wasn't built in a day". A small step is okay. Remember, I'm in your pocket tomorrow.