[feary]

Does being in therapy really work or does it just make you think too much about all the problems you face and make you dwell on them more and then think about them when you go home and all day and then have more problems come up and then constantly obsess until you see them next about what you want/need to tell them

wanted others opinions and just thoughts about if they really think therapy is helping them really

[jexa]

oh boy do I know this place!!!! Feary this is exactly my problem with therapy. It causes me to focus on my problems! And sometimes focusing on them makes them bigger and worse! Yes I know exactly what you mean.

BUT. For me that is usually a phase I go through, and then after I get "safe" in therapy I start to try to really work on stuff.

[MissCharlotte]

I believe that therapy has made a significant change in my life (for the better). It did seem for a while that it was a breeding ground for brooding, but I think that happened because I was facing certain aspects of myself and my life for the first time. Now that the therapeutic relationship is mature I can use it to my benefit as life's problems present. I have a somewhat complicated and chaotic life. I can call T when something is going on and get his opinion on how to handle my issues and myself. He knows me so well, he redirects me as needed but usually it just takes a couple of questions and I bring my worries and concerns home to roost in me--where they belong---rather than externalizing or blaming other people for things. My depression is under control for the first time in my life. I am much more accepting of others and I feel like I have so many more coping tools than I ever did. I feel safe in the T relationship and can open my heart without feeling ashamed. This has led to me being more honest in all of my relationships both in my family and at work and with friends. I no longer carry around the burden of worry that I used to. Don't get me wrong I am still worried about things, but I am so much better able to cope. Yes, I would definitely have to say that therapy has improved my life exponentially.

[WePow]

I agree with a saying my mentor uses:

"Therapy works if you work it."

[zooropa]

my experience has been that yes, it does make me focus on my problems. In some ways therapy has become the focus of my life, I spend so much time thinking and talking and writing about it. That's getting better, though. It's almost like you have to go through that, it HAS to become huge, in order to make big changes in your life and your self. For awhile I just did therapy and group, limping along from Mon to Thurs to Mon to Thurs and on and on. As I've moved forward in recovery, though, it HAS gotten better. Life isn't so scary. Therapy had to become huge in order for the problems to become small.

[darkrunner]

I see what you mean, Feary, and I think there must be a tipping point somewhere, when the problems get to be so large that they affect daily life, or it is the majority of daily life

And maybe after starting therapy and the scale tips the other way, it can feel like such a big difference that it may be tempting to quit.

But why not think of think of it this way - what if the process of therapy can help you get to a point when you are happy, joyful, and content most of the time? And not having to struggle to get through the day and having to pretend you are ok?
Most of the time I believe that is possible.

For me, therapy has helped me come to an awareness and deep understanding of myself, and what has happened to me, how it affected me, and how I can move forward. I am also learning to use healthier coping skills in therapy, and my therapist is trying hard to teach me that I am a person who is deserving of kindness and respect.

[Sannah]

You left out the part about tackling the problems and then they go away....

[deliquesce]

Originally Posted by feary

Does being in therapy really work or does it just make you think too much about all the problems you face and make you dwell on them more and then think about them when you go home and all day and then have more problems come up and then constantly obsess until you see them next about what you want/need to tell them

wanted others opinions and just thoughts about if they really think therapy is helping them really

oh gosh, feary, i do relate to this so strongly at times. where i just dwell on something, and then another thing comes up, and it gets added and added and added and all of a sudden i feel paralysed and unable to do anything without having someone to offload it to.

i do think therapy has helped me, though . there are some huge achievements ive made because of it (finishing my degree, getting into honours, moving out of home, making new friends <-- ). one part of therapy has been looking at what the problems are, but the other part is acting to change those problems. some of my problems dont have immediate fixes, and at times like those it does feel like my world is being consumed by just too much thinking. but you can learn skills to help you box those thoughts away, so that life remains manageable. i wonder if that is something you could bring up in therapy? for me, its best if i do my reflecting in the mornings because at night im too tired and i end up feeling overwhelmed. whereas in the morning i feel a bit more stable, and if things do get too much i can always stop thinking and go make a coffee/face the day .

this is something ive had to talk over with my T, though. im lucky because i find it easy to box things up, but he said other clients find it difficult and so he works with them to find other ways of not letting therapy overwhelm.

[peaches100]

Feary,

I sometimes wonder the same thing. But for me, I think the problem has been that I allow myself to ruminate and dwell on problems too much. Lately, I've started telling myself that i'm going to work as hard as i can in the therapy room, but then "put it away" until next week. I'm sure that my subconscious continues to process things, but i just dont let myself stew for hours about things we've discussed in the t session. I allow myself to think about it for a few minutes, and then force a shift in my mind to focus on the present moment. If i don't force my mind onto the present, i can almost literally live in the past.

[Freebird1]

Hi Feary,
I must say, I have been in therapy all my life in one form or another. Everyone wants to teach me something. I really hate to think what my life would have been like if I had not had therapy. Sometimes I have recieved therapy from a boss, a homeless man I have seen on the street, and sometimes I have paid for it.

i don't think i would be here without therapy or even t...

[elliemay]

Yes, I do think therapy can bring about lasting change. I think it can enrich lives and help people be healthier.

I don't think it happens very quickly though, and I don't think it's easy.

In fact, therapy, for me, is the hardest thing I have ever done, but I am happier, more centered and just "better" than I ever thought I could be.

For me, there was a phase where I mulled over my problems a lot, grieved my life, and kinda wallowed around in my own misery. It's easy to get trapped in that phase, I think.

But it's also kinda easy to get out of it. I know I just got sick and tired of being sick and tired. My therapist really helped me to move ahead.

[sunrise]

Therapy really has helped me. I think it is one of the most important things I have ever done in my life. It does help me quit avoiding my problems by focusing my attention on them more than I might if I wasn't in therapy. (I tend to be highly avoidant.) So yes, it does mean I think about my problems more, but I don't think it is a negative. I don't obsess about my problems, but just try for self-improvement. Sometimes it's hard to quit thinking about the problems because we want to be there (fixed?) yesterday. So I guess it means trying to find that balance between thinking too much and avoiding. Hope you can find that balance, feary....

[sisu]

IT DEPENDS.

It depends on the therapy. A good psychodynamic therapist may be able to help you get into a safe place before dealing with your problems, and while yes, life is harder in therapy, it's also better because there's more of me present. I cope better. It's taken a long time, but I'm doing well with it. If your therapy only makes things worse, you need a different therapist- expect to visit a few before you find one you're comfortable with, but remember you're not looking for a friend, but a therapist- someone who knows what they're doing.

You have the right to guide your therapy, asking to work on present life issues first, coping strategies, etc.

[BlackCanary]

Therapy has helped me learn how to stand up for myself without making other people angry, defend my boundary without being defensive.

For me, it was time to figure out why I react the way I do, even if this meant visiting and revealing some bad experiences or problems or bad habits. At times there are hard truths, tears, pain. Afterward there is relief, freedom, calm.

A good therapist is hard to find.