[WikidPissah]

SPOILER: Editing to put sui spoiler....nothing graphic and no intent



I am warming up to my new T. He is kind of animated and funny. But I have one problem...every week he does the sui scale, and asks the 4 sui questions. I know the answers by heart, so I mumble off what I need to say to get past it. I am so freaked out at even getting close to that subject. It has gotten me hospitalized a few times...and I ain't going to get hospitalized again. SO I lie my way thru it, knowing one false move might get me sectioned. It's the worst 10 minutes of the session. I hesitated today, kind of like "oh crap, how do I answer this to get him off the subject"....he said "Eileen, I need you to answer this"...I jumped out of my skin...I was like "oh ****, he knows"...but I got thru it. I don't need to be hospitalized, cause it ain't that bad. I tried telling him the first week it was a non-issue, but he just won't let me get him off the subject.

Is this weird? Do other T's do this?

[sunrise]

That is great you are liking your new T. I think a T with a sense of humor is a fine thing! I am sure he has your best interests at heart with his quiz. If you are in danger of suicide, then yes, I think he should do the quiz each week. If you score low all the time on it and are not in danger anymore, you have been doing great for quite some time, etc., then I think you could ask him to stop doing it. In any case, I think discussing with him how you feel about the quiz could be helpful. It wouldn't be good to mislead him into thinking you are feeling better than you are, because then how could he help? Maybe you could give answers like, "I still feel depressed but I am not in danger of suicide." Does that fit your situation? If you are in danger of suicide, please tell him!

Originally Posted by Eileen2010

I tried telling him the first week it was a non-issue, but he just won't let me get him off the subject.

If it were a non-issue, do you think it would be so hard to discuss? Hang in there and take care.

[googley]

Eileen,

Best practices guidelines state that suicidality should be assessed at every session with every client. This does not mean that all Ts do this (in my experience most do not). The T I saw this summer asked almost every session about it. I think you should be honest with your T. I have started these conversations with my T by saying, what would you do in a situation where someone was x,y,z? How do you handle those situations? That lets me feel out where they are at. I have always been pleasantly surprised by their responses, that just because I may have suicidal ideation, did not mean that they were going to throw me in the hospital. Instead it meant that they were going to talk about it with me further and help me to find ways to do what I needed to take care of myself so I didn't end up in the hospital. I hope you can be honest about this with your T. He can't help you if he doesn't know what is going on.

[WikidPissah]

thanks....I don't want to mislead him, but I kind of do. I just don't know what the score actually is. I mean if I hit 1 out of the 4 questions is that bad? Or if I hit 2? Or can I hit 3? I know if I hit all 4 I am doomed. It's just a subject I spend a lot of time thinking about, but I am not THERE yet. I don't think I want to die...I just want an end. I think there's a difference.

[WikidPissah]

ok...I am writing too much. sorry. I just am thinking, should I email T and fess up that I had 3 out of 4? I feel guilty for lying...I don't want to start off lying to this guy. I never emailed a T before...he gave me his email. Gosh I don't want to bother the guy either....maybe just wait until next week? But then I'd be face to face and probably lie again. CRAP...I don't know what to do now!

[darkrunner]

Hi Eileen,

I don't think it's that easy to get locked up. I've told T about sui thoughts and plans lots of times (pdocs too) and was never committed against my will.
Of course it depends on the T but I think as long as you can contract for your safey (which it sounds like you can honestly do), you don't really need to be hospitalized.

It might also help reassure your T if you can prove to him that you have a specific plan in case you end up in crisis mode - some hotline numbers lined up, and other support people you can call. It is good to have this written down because sometimes when we're in the middle of a crisis, it is kind of hard to think clearly.

About the email thing - my T has encouraged me to email her during the week if I need support. Sometimes I feel guilty for bothering her - I asked her how much I can email....could I email her 20 times a day. She said yes. She may not reply to them all, but I could send them.

Email really isn't an intrusion, like a phone call. When someone calls you during dinner it is really annoying, but if someone emails during dinner, no big deal......
Silly analogy but just sayin...
If he gave you his email address I think it would be fine for you to use it.
Take care!

[WePow]

Try hard to be truthful to T. I also understand the fear. And I also fight too much with the SUI topic. But even after very serious things I said to T, I was not admitted. So I think a T wants us to be honest so they can give us the help we need.

[zooropa]

I know these kinds of laws vary by state, but in my state you have to answer yes to ALL the questions (are you a harm to yourself, to others, do you have a plan, are you able to care for yourself). Not sure if those are the same questions or what the law in Mass is, but it might be worth looking up just to put your mind at rest. Of course you could ask your T, but sometimes asking google is easier

[WikidPissah]

yea I pretty much know the MA laws...had them used on me enough times. There's: 1) Sui thought 2) plan 3) means 4) intent. I've been sectioned against my will for just mentioning I thought about it. I've also been sectioned for just having simple delusions. Once I SI'd a bit deep and had to get stitches...they sectioned me even though I answered NO to all 4 questions. Then when you get in the hosp, it's really hard to get out here. After the 3 day (not counting weekends) if they want to keep you they try to get you to do a voluntary. I've been threatened with a court order if I didn't sign a voluntary. I actually had an order filed on me once, it took 30 days to get to a judge, then they let me out before I got my day in court. They really play games with you.

[WikidPissah]

I have to add...not EVERY T holds to those 4 questions, some will hold out for more, some will take just 1.

[granite1]

i dont ever tell my T about SI or any thought about wanting to die.for the same reasons.if she put me in hosp over SI it would destroy my life so not worth telling her about it if i wanted to SU i shure wouldnt say

[WikidPissah]

aw Granite...I am not trying to scare anyone. It's important to be honest with your T. Not all T's are like the weird ones I have had. I just really think if you're having those thoughts you should be able to talk thru them with someone...not get locked up. When things get really bad for me I call the Samaritans, they don't track calls and they won't rat you out. They just talk you thru it.