[zooropa]

I actually think I may have started a thread really similar to this a few months ago. Either that or I'm having deja vu.

I've been thinking alot about this tonight, though. Just the idea of not wanting to keep trying, not wanting to always be right or do right or do the best thing.

It's not about sui, at all. I guess it's more about wanting to use negative coping skills instead of putting the effort into using the new skills I've learned in therapy. It just feels like SO MUCH sometimes, and when I think about having to try to keep this up for the next 50 or so years, it's overwhelming and exhausting.

[granite1]

probibly the last person you want to get a responce from being the place i am in but i want you to know i think i understand.being in that place try to remember how scary and out of controle it can get and how things spiral,and how all alone you can feel.if you can choose to avoid being in such a horid place no matter how tireds you are it has to be better in the long run.right?sorry if im out of line.

[zooropa]

((((((granite))))))

You aren't out of line, and you never have to apologize for posting. Ever. Ok?

[googley]

I totally understand where you are. I've been there before. My old pdoc (who was awesome) always reminded me to be in the present. Not the future. Being in the future is too stressful and anxiety provoking. It's all about one day at a time (sometimes one minute at a time). Thinking about doing something (anything-even things you like) forever is exhausting and scary.

[zooropa]

that is SO what my T would say, googley.

[velcro003]

Great advice, Googley! I feel ya Zoo...I say that ALL THE TIME to my T! I tell her when I think about the rest of my life, it overwhelms and exhausts me; do I really have to spend the next X amount of years always fighting every little bump in the road? If so, I don't want a part of it. This is also not about sui, but I understand 100%.

[Laurie1041]

Originally Posted by zooropa

I actually think I may have started a thread really similar to this a few months ago. Either that or I'm having deja vu.

I've been thinking alot about this tonight, though. Just the idea of not wanting to keep trying, not wanting to always be right or do right or do the best thing.

It's not about sui, at all. I guess it's more about wanting to use negative coping skills instead of putting the effort into using the new skills I've learned in therapy. It just feels like SO MUCH sometimes, and when I think about having to try to keep this up for the next 50 or so years, it's overwhelming and exhausting.

Hi Zooropa,

It is SO MUCH sometimes! Why not give yourself a "positive" break? A little mini-vacation from this exhausting journey. Pat yourself on the back for all the effort you have put into your recovery! Maybe, you need some leisure time, some time to yourself so that you can recharge your batteries?

I really can't even imagine doing anything for 50+ years (except to remember to breathe). You've got me beat though. . . I get overwhelmed thinking about what's going to happen in 2 days! Hugs, Laurie

[Melbadaze]

i wonder if the having to keep it up/keep going is more about past feelings?

[pachyderm]

Ever? What about again and again?

But. Practice (with new skills) makes perfect. It really does get easier; you don't have to anticipate it being this hard forever. Spring ahead, fall back. Over and over and over again. But it does get results. Hard to see that sometimes but at the moment that is what I say.

[WikidPissah]

Not only do I want to give up (not sui), I have done it several times. You know where you end up? Right back where you started. If I had embraced the skills thing full throttle 15 yrs ago, instead of thinking it was too much, I would probably be in a much better place right now.

[pachyderm]

Sometimes "giving up" for a while can be like the Reset button that the US was supposed to be doing with the Russians -- a chance to start over.

[zooropa]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

Ever? What about again and again?

But. Practice (with new skills) makes perfect. It really does get easier; you don't have to anticipate it being this hard forever. Spring ahead, fall back. Over and over and over again. But it does get results. Hard to see that sometimes but at the moment that is what I say.

I know that part of this is about mindfulness. Not worrying about how long I have to keep it up but just doing it in the moment.

Something in your post, Pachy, made me realize that maybe the new skills, with practice, will be come as easy and effortless as the old skills. That gives me hope.

[WePow]

" Something in your post, Pachy, made me realize that maybe the new skills, with practice, will be come as easy and effortless as the old skills. That gives me hope. "

THIS is the ticket, Zoo !!!!!! Yes!!! It takes a ton of hard work and you will forget over and over again. But the more you do it - and the more you mess up trying - the better you will become at it!

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by WePow

THIS is the ticket, Zoo !!!!!! Yes!!! It takes a ton of hard work and you will forget over and over again. But the more you do it - and the more you mess up trying - the better you will become at it!

It takes quite a while for those new neuron pathways in the brain to get established and replace the old ones!

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by zooropa

I actually think I may have started a thread really similar to this a few months ago. Either that or I'm having deja vu.

I've been thinking alot about this tonight, though. Just the idea of not wanting to keep trying, not wanting to always be right or do right or do the best thing.

It's not about sui, at all. I guess it's more about wanting to use negative coping skills instead of putting the effort into using the new skills I've learned in therapy. It just feels like SO MUCH sometimes, and when I think about having to try to keep this up for the next 50 or so years, it's overwhelming and exhausting.

you can live in today and it won't be so overwhelming perhaps. it works well for me.

[alcira]

All the time. In fact, I have pretty much given up on life. I do get up every morning and go through the day doing only what is minimally required. Sometimes I feel like I am sitting on the sidelines watching life happen... to others.

[jexa]

Oh blah zoo, all the time. The thing is.. we think this is hard -- the trudging along, trying and trying and trying -- but then think of how hard life is when we have to deal with the consequences of NOT doing this trying and trying and trying -- I always think about that and I'm like, "Oh yeah -- this is nowhere near as hard as life WITH unhealthy coping." When it comes down to it anyway.

[zooropa]

you're right, jexa (of course!). The negative coping, it might (usually does, or else why would we do it?) feel better in the moment, but the consequences can be hellish. I guess that's been a fundamental shift for me, from a place of not caring about consequences b/c I didn't plan to be around much longer anyway to a place of making long term plans and thinking of having a future and all that entails.

Plus there's the benefit of knowing I made it through a rough patch without negative coping, it makes it that much easier next time.

[looking4polaris]

Originally Posted by zooropa

Just the idea of not wanting to keep trying, not wanting to always be right or do right or do the best thing.

It's not about sui, at all. I guess it's more about wanting to use negative coping skills instead of putting the effort into using the new skills I've learned in therapy. It just feels like SO MUCH sometimes, and when I think about having to try to keep this up for the next 50 or so years, it's overwhelming and exhausting.

There's a great term for this sort of feeling in 12 step programs. It's called the F***its. When you want to give in and do the wrong thing even though you know the consequences are going to suck big time.

I've got to agree with all the posters who advocate taking a mindful approach. Be here now. In the present. Let the next 50 years come one moment at a time and don't try to tackle them all at once. If the current moment is not so great, maybe the next one will be better.

[zooropa]

ah yes, the ****its. I know them well.

[Elana05]

Originally Posted by alcira

I do get up every morning and go through the day doing only what is minimally required. Sometimes I feel like I am sitting on the sidelines watching life happen... to others.

I feel like I am sitting on the sidelines watching life happen... to others.

Wow. Alcira. This is how I feel exactly.

E