[googley]

I feel like there are too many things going through my head to talk about in T tomorrow. I don't have the time right now, but will come back and list them later. What do you do when there are too many things all yammering to be talked about? How do you decide what to talk about? I feel like I need more time in T.

[granite1]

i sit silent

[sittingatwatersedge]

((( Googley ))))

I think I would feel T out for a 90 minute session or even 2 hrs - even if it meant changing to another day and / time. is that an option? it would really take the pressure off (speaking for myself)

[alcira]

i often have that problem but sadly i don't have the option of getting more time with T. i also don't have the option of calling or e-mailing between sessions. so all in all, it is often a huge source of frustration. i am beginning to question whether the process is indeed worth it - is it really helping or causing more harm?

in terms of how i choose... i don't. i just go in and see what comes up.

[Symbiosis]

I feel like this about every other week or so. What usually happens for me is I am frustrated for a week and then by the next week, it is magically better. Because I've found that when I have too much to cover, it is hard to override the pressure, agenda or not, going quickly or covering only some things.

Good luck. I like the idea of getting the extra appointment time if you can. That did help me one week when I was all riled up.

[seventyeight]

hi googley, i list them (in my head) and then rearrange them in order of "importance." usually, i'll ask myself: what will i be upset about if we don't get to? and then sort things out that way. also, sometimes it helps to see if there are common themes, and then address that - like talk about the main issue, but use the other things that i'd like to say as examples. good luck!

My t can always tell when I come into a session with too much on my plate. He's really good at slowing me down and getting to the heart of the matter. Prioritize your list and hand it to your t. Maybe by looking at it, she will know where to start.

[WikidPissah]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

Prioritize your list and hand it to your t. Maybe by looking at it, she will know where to start.

I REALLY like this idea. T's are professionals, they know which things will cover other things. This reminded me of meeting with clients as a CPA, some really good business people would come to me with a list of ledger issues, and by looking at the list I could pick out one or two things that would solve the other problems on the list...thus dwindling a 12 item list down to 3 or 4 actually problems.

[Oceanwave]

Googley,
Write a list, and mention all the issues to T (so she knows what you have on your plate), and choose the high priority one to talk about in detail.

[jexa]

I agree with the others, googley -- it's a great idea to go to T with a list. This will take some of the pressure off of you. ((((googley))))) Hope you are feeling calmer soon.

[googley]

Hi everyone.

So here is my list of things going on that feel like they need T time.

-Continuation of discussion from last week.
-Feelings that came up from her missed phone call.
-Dealing w/ homophobic comments.
-XXX (can't mention it)
-Fears about trip
-Frustration about way I've been treated.
-Feeling like I've made the worst decision of my life.

I feel like many of these could take up one or more whole session. But they all decide to run around in my head at the same time. Ugh.

[jexa]

Originally Posted by googley

Hi everyone.

So here is my list of things going on that feel like they need T time.

-Continuation of discussion from last week.
-Feelings that came up from her missed phone call.
-Dealing w/ homophobic comments.
-XXX (can't mention it)
-Fears about trip
-Frustration about way I've been treated.
-Feeling like I've made the worst decision of my life.

I feel like many of these could take up one or more whole session. But they all decide to run around in my head at the same time. Ugh.

It's okay, googley. It's okay to have all these things. Just write down the list and hand it to T and everything will be fine...

[geez]

Good list ((googley)) - however I'm sorry about your list at the same time. Wishing you some peace of mind and relief tomorrow at your T appt.

[googley]

I would love to give my T a list and let her decide. But my T will tell me that it is up to me to decide what to talk about. That I need to lead the discussion. So it is still up to me. I wish I could just hand it over to her and let her decide.

[skeksi]

Sometimes the thing you dread talking about the most is the one that needs to get out in the open. The XXXX you can't mention, maybe?

[rainbow8]

I used to feel like that often too. I'd have so much to talk about and so little time. Even now, with 90 minutes, it's not enough. My former T used to tell me, when I had a list, to start with what I'd be most upset about if I left without saying. Yes, it might be that "xxx" topic. She also said that a lot of my issues were related even though I didn't think so, so it would often lead to the same main issue. Sometimes, it's best to let the session evolve because it could turn into something not even on your list.

I was always tempted, and I did do this, to start with the "easiest" topic. Then, when I left, I'd look at my list and wish I had jumped in with the "xxx" topic. It might help to start out by telling your T you have so many things on your list, and hear what she suggests. I know therapy can be frustrating because the list keeps growing and new things come up each week. But, there are main themes and they stay the same.

I also found out the hard way that when I try to accomplish too much, like get to my entire list, I feel worse when I leave because I don't feel connected to my T. That used to happen a lot and my T told me I shouldn't have an agenda because it's better to see what happens when we start talking. I hope some of this helps.

(((((((((((((googley)))))))))))))))))

Sometimes when I have so many things running through my head and don't know where to start I just start by saying I don't know where to start, and that I feel overwhelmed.

And often what happens, is that what comes up is something that wasn't even on the "list". When I saw T on Monday, I was really just going because I felt overwhelmed and like there was too much stuff going on in my life...and somehow what we got to was that I was having expectations for this month that weren't being met (that I would be okay if I tried hard enough) and it was freaking me out and making everything else huger. And I ended up kind of having to accept where I'm at and start dealing with the things I'm running from.

When I went INTO the session, my list was more like "I have to deal with my alcoholic mom, my H is being mean, I'm overwhelmed by having too many things to do in a day, etc" - and it all felt big, and real, and important, and hard. But by letting the session just kind of flow, and letting myself be honest with myself and with T, we were able to get to the REAL issue.

Stay open. Be honest.

For me, no matter what happens in session, the most important thing in the end is that I really connect with T. Let yourself connect

Good luck with your session

[Kacey2]

quote "So here is my list of things going on that feel like they need T time.

-Continuation of discussion from last week.
-Feelings that came up from her missed phone call.
-Dealing w/ homophobic comments.
-XXX (can't mention it)
-Fears about trip
-Frustration about way I've been treated.
-Feeling like I've made the worst decision of my life." quote

Googley,
It sounds like you have some real important things to discuss with your T. I agree with some of the others about talking about what you would most regret if you ran out of time and for me, as hard as that can be, it would be the XXX (can't mention it). Maybe you could touch on fears about your trip too just to insure your safety when you are on vacation. Take care. I would like to hear how it went for you if you are willing to share.

[WePow]

Kacey has a great idea! Sending you tons of hugs!

[googley]

Hi Everyone.

So I just got back from T. I decided to continue the discussion from last week and the worries about how she was viewing my mom after I told her a couple of good things. She said that she could hold multiple types of information about my mom and that the few good things she did didn't outweigh the bad things. Unlike other people who dismissed my bad experiences. It was a productive session. I also told her that there were a lot of things running around in my head wanting to get out. But she had me pick what we talked about, and it felt like this topic was the most pushing. I see her again on Tuesday (my usual day).

I told her that I wished that she could be my mom. I think she wanted me to say more. Because she sat there seeing if I would fill the silence with words. I wish she was my mom because then she would love me and take care of me. And I wouldn't feel bad for calling her when I was having a hard time. And then she would give me hugs and I wouldn't feel so alone. Then I would have a mom who wouldn't intentionally hurt me. Of course, I wasn't able to say any of this other stuff.

I feel like I should be happy with what I got from my parents. I had a roof over my head (when my mom didn't threaten to kick me out) and I had clothes to wear, and food to eat. I feel like I should be happy for what I got. A lot of people get a lot less. I feel like I'm ungrateful for what I did get if I am mad at them. I know they did what they could, but it just wasn't good enough.

[skeksi]

She said that she could hold multiple types of information about my mom and that the few good things she did didn't outweigh the bad things.

I have had the same worries, that T is somehow going to think *I* was wrong, or overreacting if I tell him something that makes my abuser seem human or 100% evil. Because I see that person so black/white, it's hard to accept that T sees both black, white, and grey.

I also really understand feeling like you should be grateful for what you got from your family. We can recognize that what we got wasn't enough, but still see that our family did the best they could. it just wasn't what we needed.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by googley

I feel like I should be happy with what I got from my parents. I had a roof over my head (when my mom didn't threaten to kick me out) and I had clothes to wear, and food to eat. I feel like I should be happy for what I got. A lot of people get a lot less. I feel like I'm ungrateful for what I did get if I am mad at them. I know they did what they could, but it just wasn't good enough.

Something to talk to T about?

[geez]

Originally Posted by googley

Hi Everyone.

I told her that I wished that she could be my mom. I think she wanted me to say more. Because she sat there seeing if I would fill the silence with words. I wish she was my mom because then she would love me and take care of me. And I wouldn't feel bad for calling her when I was having a hard time. And then she would give me hugs and I wouldn't feel so alone. Then I would have a mom who wouldn't intentionally hurt me. Of course, I wasn't able to say any of this other stuff.

Googley I too share the same feelings on wishing T could be my mom. That was brave of you to say so to her. Perhaps your brave experience will help me use my words when the time comes. Thank you!