I am seriously seriously seriously exhausted. I got almost no sleep last night.

I went to an event ALL day today that I've really been looking forward to, and it ended up being really disappointing on so many levels. I had no food or water all day and by the end I was so sad and overwhelmed and exhausted I didn't think I could stand it. I had to find my car and couldn't even find the parking garage it was in and once I found the garage, it was like some kind of fun house from hell with crazy levels and walls and almost no other cars and it was just scary and tiring.

This event today was a big part of "getting through October" for me, and I cried all the way home.

I NEED T. I just do. And of course he's not there. It's the weekend, he's my therapist, he's not available.

Blah. I feel like I can't express myself right now. I just feel really tired and yucky. I took a klonopin and hopefully, I'll just go to sleep, even though I feel guilty going to sleep when I've been gone all day.

I just can't STAND THIS sometimes. I know I will be okay. Right now I just feel awful

[mixedup_emotions]

(((( Tree ))))

I'm sorry that things didn't turn out the way you had hoped with this event today. I hope you are able to get some sleep. It's what you need right now...

(( hugs ))

[WePow]

((((((Tree )))))))

[skeksi]

It's so hard when something falls short of our expectations, especially when it's something we hoped would help us, and instead makes us feel worse.

I'm sorry this thing turned out poorly. But you tried; you are working hard to get through this October, and you are MORE than halfway done with it. There are just two weeks left, and in those weeks you will see T and talk about how annoying it is that this thing didn't turn out. Maybe you guys will brainstorm something else to try before November. You're hungry and tired and need some rest. Take care of yourself tonight, Tree.

[googley]

(((((((((Tree)))))))))))

I'm so sorry you had such a hard day. I hope tomorrow is better.

[zooropa]

how disappointing. I'm sorry, Tree. I'm glad you have klonopin that you can take, hopefully it will help you get some sleep. I can only imagine how tired you must but after not sleeping last night and then being gone all day. Try to take care of yourself, ok?

tomorrow is Monday and T will be available again.

[jexa]

Oh, ((((tree)))))

I hope your sleep is peaceful tonight. I hope you get to talk to T very, very soon. You WILL get through October, even with this disappointing event hanging around. You WILL be okay.

[sadface]

What a day! I am hopeful that you are getting rest. The important thing is that you got through it and found your way back home to safety and to a place that you can get what you need....rest, refreshment and time for you mind and body to heal and recharge! As you know every experience has teachable moments so when you are completely refreshed you and your therapist can sort through all of this together.

[MissCharlotte]

I'm sorry you feel awful. I really get it. Today I had very high anxiety. I wound up taking 2 klonopin because one didn't work. I was having all sorts of intrusive crappy thoughts. The thing is I am always so afraid of becoming addicted to the klonopin that I don't take it often enough and then the anxiety gets out of control. T and Pdoc think I should take it proactively.

Anyway, I'm rambling....I am so sorry you are feeling low and hope you get some good sleep tonight.

[Kiya]

(((((((((((((((Tree))))))))))))))
you've also hit an important thing here. you KNOW you will be ok, you said. And that is right. You've done so much growth, that even with this totally crappy day in this totally beyond crappy month, you know you will be ok and even needing t is ok - even knowing t isn't available is ok. This is huge huge growth work.

I was thinking about you this week, being October, being how things are going just for myself I could sense that this was a trying time and that you are out there, growing, and getting by, and if you can, i can. I do hope you can get some rest this weekend, and that if you've not heard from him yet, you will soon as tomorrow is Monday. I even heard from mine this morning, so miracles do happen.

Thinking about you Brain Twin, and knowing KNOWING that you will get through this, and sitting with you to help hold some of that pain for you if you want to hand some off.
hugs, kiya

[darkrunner]

Treehouse,
Did you get some sleep last night? I hope so.
When do you have therapy this week?
Are you going to call/email T today?

It certainly sounds like your day was harrowing. And of course being tired makes everything harder to cope with. Be good to yourself today!

[Sannah]

Did this event trigger you? Why no food or water?

(((((((((PC)))))))))

I slept TEN hours last night, which helped a lot. It's so hard to cope with things when I'm sleep deprived, and I was SUPER exhausted yesterday.

I called and talked to someone who could help me last night. She listened, she knows the general outline of my story, and she got it. That helped.

And I see T today at 2, and that will help.

[Fartraveler]

(((Tree)))

Good for you for taking care of yourself -- getting some sleep, and finding someone to talk to. That's really admirable -- to be able to do that (instead of just spiraling down).

October=more than half over.

Take care,
-Far

[sittingatwatersedge]

((((((((((((((((((((((( tree )))))))))))))))))))))))

just now seeing your post, and wanted to give you some hugs.

[BlackCanary]

take care of yourself, know your limits and do not test them

[seventyeight]

hi treehouse, just wanted to say i hope it went well with your therapist today..

[googley]

(((((Tree))))

I wanted to stop by and give hugs and say that I hope you are feeling better now that you have connected w/ T today.

Seeing T helped...I might start a thread about it.

Thanks, you guys