Boundary crossings; what are they?

I don't know. I seem to be having some difficulties here. I have had the same psych for flipping ages and have always liked him. At times though I have felt annoyed by his behaviour; and my own if I am honest.

I have always found it difficult to see him as my psych and saw him more as a friend if truth be known. This was partly due to the fact that I worked in the same hospital as him and I guess I saw him more as a colleague. He for his part was often happy to lend me books, he gave me an old computer and offered a lift when I was ill.

There was never any hint of anything dodgy. Despite this I was aware of a blurring of boundaries. In consultations I wasn't talking about my illness any more. It had become a friendly chat.I think he must have realised it too,there is a change in his behaviour towards me. He can't get me out of his office quick enough. Perhaps this is why I feel angry with him at the moment. I feel like I have lost a friend.

I would like to discuss it with him, but Icould end up looking like a right plonker!

I doubt you'll end up looking foolish at all. If what you say is really reality (he can't get you out of his office fast enough, you feel you've lost a friend etc) then a discussion on how to get this therapy process back on track is good. T surely can't begin the discussion ... you have to take note and want things to change. T's aren't really supposed to be in the category of "friend" though; they don't do their best work there. Perhaps you are using the "friend" aspect to avoid discussing the really deep issues?

Thanks for the reply

He is not a therapist, he is a psychiatrist which is totally different. I am in his office for about twenty minutes if that. But like I say he is a psychiatrist. Not sure why things have changed.

Psychiatrists have a similar code of ethics. But yeah, he's a psychiatrist so who knows what's going on. Hope you can figure this out soon.http://www.kspope.com/ethcodes/index.php

What are boundary crossings?

I think boundary crossings are not a "one size fits all" kind of thing. Boundary crossings can be different for each individual based on their own experiences.

I don't have experience with pdocs but I can say, all of my T's have had a different set of boundaries. With one T, it was very important to hold tight boundaries.(Begin on time, end on time...Mirror for you, you can't know anything about me mentality.). With another, we met at her house. She shared lots of personal stories with me and I totally related to most of them. My current T is much more like my second T. Boundaries, but not so tight he is inflexible. I recently was invited to a shower his wife is hosting. It is not at his house, but he recently shared, I am welcome to his home anytime I am invited. Just the thought, makes me a little uncomfortable, but I do appreciate the gesture.

Can you ask him why the sudden change?

Hi and thanks for your reply

Yes I guess I could ask, will be uncomfortable though. I suspect that he has realised that the boundaries have become a bit fluffy and he now feels uncomfortable. Equally though, I suppose it could all be in my head! I am usually fairly astute when it comes to people, but perhaps I am mistaken?

Yes, it may be uncomfortable but truth is...you are already uncomfortable.

Perhaps, discussing it with him will ease your mind? His reasons may be benign and it may have nothing to do with you.

Are you seeing him for medication management? If so, I think that friendly chat you have with him can actually be quite helpful to him in assessing how you are doing. A pdoc can ask about symptoms and side effects, but talking with you gives them additional information, even if it just seems a casual chat to you. Pdoc is listening, combining his impressions with what you've told him about your symptoms, and drawing conclusions about how you are doing. If Pdoc wants to know more about your illness, he can ask. It's not up to you to try to guess what he wants to know.

I think talking to him about your feelings of discomfort would help clear the air. If there is something going on, he will have an opportunity to tell you.

Dear Donut,

I can understand your sadness and anger. If this is a pdoc who has a very good handle on your symptoms and is fantastic at med management, then I feel you owe it to yourself to get some "reality testing" right from the source - that being your pdoc.

You say he has had a change in behavior towards you - that you get the sense he is rushing you out of the office. These are your feelings. Perhaps you are right and perhaps you are wrong. There are a million possibilities of why he is rushing you out of the office, and there is a possibility that none of this has anything to do with you.

I think it is normal for people to jump to conclusions about other people's actions or tone of voice or any number of things. Quite normal, but not always the best approach if what we want is to get our needs met.

So, if this pdoc is someone you would like to continue to see and feel good about, I would suggest that you have a conversation with your pdoc about how you perceive things and what you would like.

The formula goes:
I feel....
when......
I would like.....

Keep us posted! Hugs, Laurie

Definitely worth an ask, you'll never know more if you don't ask.

Consider that maybe he's seeing you for medication management but the appointments are a bit more like therapy sessions and he does not do therapy sessions? After my pdoc talks to me about the medication, how it's working, then things can be light and chatty for the remaining time.
Yes, because you work together you have another layer to your relationship.

Maybe you'd like to have a session with a therapist, where you can have a 45-50 minute appointment and really get into stuff?

donut, maybe your T would do a longer session with you for more talk in addition to the meds management, and maybe then he wouldn't seem so rushed to get you out the door. Sometimes I do a 20 min meds management focused session with my PNP, and sometimes I do a 50 min meds management + psychotherapy session with her. The two are billed differently to insurance.