[gelfling]

how do you open up about what is inside when you feel like others will think you are just blowing everything out of proportion and if they knew what was inside they would never want to be around you and could never even like you

[sugahorse1]

In the case of a T - you really do not need to worry about this. They are professionals and deal with people every day. They have probably discussed the same issues you are worried to bring up, with countless other clients.
I'm only now reaching a point where I realise that these issues are very real to me. And if I want to get the most out of my therapy, I need to first be honest with myself. And a T is there in order for us to understand ourselves better - they need this information in order to help us.
I do hope that if you are currently with a T, you do not feel uncomfortable. Sure, it may take months before you feel comfortable to open up to your deepest issues, but you'll get there. Write these thoughts and feelings down for yourself. If you can, maybe e-mail these thoughts to your T, and ask to discuss it in the next session. Or bring your thoughts on a piece of paper for her to read before-hand.

Any professional T will deal with your issues as carefully and responsibly as they possibly can - it is there job; they are not there to judge.

[Melbadaze]

Originally Posted by gelfling

how do you open up about what is inside when you feel like others will think you are just blowing everything out of proportion

I think its how something left us feeling, to some that may feel as if you are blowing it out of proportion, but to a trained professional they will look beneath that and enquire about your feelings and the effect things have had on you, which most times feel as if they are "bigger" then what we remember, but thats the problem with feelings, they are what they are and we have no control over that.

[gelfling]

when my t looks at me with his "concerned face" i just shut off - throat goes into lock down. But thoughts spin around and around. Need to change subject or leave the room - he says i deflect with my job - most people deflect with humor - but talking about what is in my head/heart............

i will try the list as sugahorse suggests.....but the last time i was honest about my feelings my therapist wanted me to go inpatient or go to an outpatient program and if i wouldnt do that he couldnt work with me (because i wasnt taking the help he was offerring), he called it "inviting me into therapy"

when i open up, people leave me or avoid me.......and yes they judge me. i already hurt - i know talking about it is supposed to help - but i just dont feel strong enough

[jexa]

Oooooh I know the "concerned face" anxiety! I HATE THE CONCERNED FACE! Opening your heart.. or seeing someone else open their heart.. is so hard, takes so much trust, is so uncomfortable... Especially when the last time you were open and honest, even with a T, you got "punished" with a threat of termination if you didn't do something your T said! No wonder this is frightening to you.

I DON'T think this is a stupid question at all. I think considering what you've been through it makes sense that this is difficult.

With this stuff, it's always good to start where you are. "I can't open up to you because I'm scared of the consequences" is, I think, a good place.

[gelfling]

thanks jexa - i've been a wreck and at wits end - feel like everything is a brick wall -

[Oceanwave]

Originally Posted by gelfling

how do you open up about what is inside when you feel like others will think you are just blowing everything out of proportion and if they knew what was inside they would never want to be around you and could never even like you

(((((gelfling))))))

It is very likely that many people don't think you are blowing things out of proportion. Perhaps you are surrounded by a few unsympathetic people? Is there someone out there who would listen to you and validate how you feel, what do you think? If you have strong feelings, you have them for a reason and that reason deserves care and attention.

People would never even like you if they knew what was inside? How about giving them the benefit of the doubt and testing this assumption.

Gefling, you are worthy of people's care and attention. What you went through is difficult and takes time to recover from. Acknowledge that and be kind to yourself. You'd have to tell those people who are impatient with you to respect your own pace of healing.

[WikidPissah]

Originally Posted by gelfling

the last time i was honest about my feelings my therapist wanted me to go inpatient or go to an outpatient program and if i wouldnt do that he couldnt work with me (because i wasnt taking the help he was offerring), he called it "inviting me into therapy"

Yea...I totally understand that. You get to the point where you are afraid to say what thoughts are running thru your mind because T will overreact. I do the same thing. I am learning to say things like "I want to tell you something, but you have to promise me you won't overreact"...or flag something by saying "I don't need to be in a hospital, I am not acting on these thoughts, nor do I plan on it....but this crap keeps running thru my head and I want to vent it."

[Perna]

What you ask seems to be a potential contradiction; if you are blowing your things out of proportion, then they aren't as "serious" but if they knew what things were there, they wouldn't want to be around you (which sounds serious).

Since it's your thinking/feeling at stake, not what the other person has actually indicated or said since you haven't revealed what the things are inside you, I would deliberately "pick" one thing to believe and go with it.

If you want help with your feelings/"things" then they are as serious as they need to be. Maybe you do make mountains out of molehills, but that doesn't matter here, because that, in itself, would be a problem that you would want help with? See? Nothing is too "small" or "bad" to want help with. And, wanting help cannot cause a helper person to not want to help you?

[gelfling]

Perna - when i talk to my friends, fiance about what is going on in my life they say i am blowing everything out of proportion - that i should be over it by now - the anger and fear and self loathing and pain i hold inside is so ugly that i think if they truly knew how dark i am inside they would avoid me more than they already do.

and to even contemplate letting someone into that world in my head - letting t know - is beyond scary for me

[ECHOES]

I told my T about "that look" once when she was giving it to me. I think it is her heavy thinking look. When I told her, her expression changed at once and she rolled her eyes at herself and said, "Yes, I know that about myself. I do that." and we both laughed.
Now when that look appears I tell her. "You're giving me That Look again!" Sometimes we laugh and other times she doesn't let my statement turn into a diversion or tension breaker if we need to stay focused and if the tension is a good tension can push me past a place of comfort and to some self discovery.

Our history of learning and of experiences makes us think that T might react like others have reacted. But this is different. He is inviting you to be open. It sounds like he's encouraging you but not wanting to pressure you. You get to set the pace in therapy. He is encouraging you and letting you know it's okay. He might have to do this many times and for a while before you can trust it. And you might trust it in very small doses, or you may trust it one time and not the next. That's okay. It's part of the process.

[sugahorse1]

I am concerned about your relationship with you T - do you trust him?
I can understand your concerns too if you were threatened with termination or the hospital. At the same time, it is a very harsh statement to hear from a T, when you know you are giving T your all.
I trust you can find the strength to talk to your T. I'm not sure how things work in your country, but apparently my T can only admit me to a hospital forcefully. Not if I choose to be admitted. Then I have to go on my own.
If your situation is similar, you know T cannot force you to go to a hospital. Try open up, and if you are faced with the same, harsh response, I think you need to be honest with yourself about your T.
I'd leave my T if they showed signs of having no faith in me

[gelfling]

My t has threatened to send the sherrif to my house if he is concerned - he says that because i have such a limited support system i leave him no alternative. he also says it is the last thing he would want to do, because it almost always ends the therapeutic relationship.

i like my t, as a person, as a t i am still trying to figure that out. he sent me to a day program and the t i had there was just emotionally more available - if that makes sense. i felt like my feelings were validated - i was validated - but he is over an hour away and only sees patients outside of the hospital on days that i work. that relationship was easier - but is easier necessarily better? doesnt really matter, i suppose.

trust, now thats a tricky one. do i trust t? no, not yet. have i given him a chance - i suppose i have not, i'm kinda funny that way - when a person i am supposed to be able to confide in keeps turning me to other resources i tend to stay on guard and not let down the walls. do i want to trust t? yes. do i know how to trust t? no. am i afraid to trust t? yes, im afraid to trust anyone - i dont think i trust myself as stupid as that sounds. even here i censor my thoughts - think and rethink what i say for fear of upsetting someone

Gelfing, my t says he will call the police if I am in danger and refuse to inform my husband about what it going on. It isn't a threat in my case; I know it is a promise. He has no choice if I am in danger. He can't sit back and just let me hurt myself. Fortunately, it has never come to that point. Just the thought has always been enough to bring me to my senses long enough to talk to my husband about my condition. I've learned to trust that he will carry through will intervention rather than taking it as a threat. There is a safety in that.

As far as opening up to a t goes, that comes slowly with time. It is hard to believe there are people in the world that won't run away in horror at our stories, but a little at a time, we learn that our t has compassion for us and wants to help us and we can finally learn to open up one little window at a time.

My husband's pdoc put it this way. Our memories and experiences are like a flock of birds that has come down the chimney and is flying frantically through the house. We can run around scared from them, bat at them, try to hide from them, but until we open up a window or a door, they can't get out. Once we open that window, the birds will find their way out and the havoc and chaos will lessen. Having the presence of mind to open that window takes courage and sometimes a helping hand.

[sugahorse1]

My T has once phoned my BF. I had him listed as a next of kin. I had taken a few more tabs than I was supposed to, and then got scared, so I texted my T. She tried to phone me, but I was in such a state and refused to answer. So she texted me back, that I have 10 mins to contact her, or she would call my bf. I didn't get back to her within 10mins, so she phoned my bf. She was really worried about me, and the effects that the tabs could have had.
She's also said that if I continue with thoughts of sui and she feels I am really at risk, she can and will involuntarily admit me to hospital. Apparently this is a very scary experience, as well as the facility being far from great - all in all, she has advised me to stay away from this option.
But it's not in a nasty way, she just knows that she only has a few options to ensure my safety, and will only get involved at these levels if she feels I'm a danger to myself or others.

[jilliebeanmn]

My T has hospitalized me twice. The first time, I really do feel he overreacted a bit, but the second time was probably justified. Unbeknownst (is that even a word?) to me, he called the police, who showed up with paramedics at my door. It did not end the therapeutic relationship at all. Strengthened it a bit in the end I do believe.

It showed me that even when I didn't care about myself, somebody did. HE knew I was worth it.

[pachyderm]

Unbeknownst is a word.

[sugahorse1]

Thanks Pachy!
I do believe they care. Hence I sms'd my T when I over-stepped the line