I HATE going to T !!!!!

((((((WePow)))))))

You guys are all just so awesome!! I keep reading your posts over and over and over. Thank you so much!!!!

Well, I am still angry and hurt. But that is still OK. I am just letting it be what it is. I still do NOT want to see T today but I will go. I am learning that my emotions do not have to dictate my actions. For me, this is a big thing to learn as I come from an abusive family where actions were the direct result of emotions at all times.

My T in his wonderful email yesterday asked me to look for the rainbow to this storm. So I think that may be my rainbow.

Also, last night I found a new Citrine stone in my new bag of rocks (I am a rock hound). It is one that is round like the sun and very beautiful. It is supposed to remove negativeity from the environment in a slow way that is like sunshine. And it never has to be cleansed. .... So.... I think I will take that in with me to T and see if he wants to let me put my sunshine stone in a place in his new office with him (he has bookshelves). It may sound silly, but I think maybe if I know that MY stone is there with him that it will help me to not be so angry and hate that place so much?

IDK. Just thinking.

(((((((((((( wepow )))))))))))) that is quite a "rainbow" ! If you gain that from this experience, that's quite something. You are amazing.

((((((((((WePow)))))))))))

I'm glad you get to see T today....maybe, MAYBE, being in the new office again will help it start to feel more familiar....and help you see that no matter where you are, T is there, and T is the same.

I love the story about the rock. The sun is a big, big symbol for me too.

(((wepow)))thinking about you today and i know T will let you have your rock sit on the shelf what a great idea.Is it time for a field rtrip for memaybe in a pocket???

Oh Yes!! Pocket riders welcome! I will keep you all nice and safe and guarded !!!!
:-)

Safe and guarded is good, but will there be cookies? I'm there!!

wepow i'm glad you sent the post to your T too. you know change can be hard so give yourself some time to get used to his new office. change sometimes can make me feel off kilter and i'm not ocd! well maybe a little...and you managed to go even tho it was strange. that is good!
know we are here for you.

I hope it is a good session today, hope you are perhaps 20% more comfortable than last time. Little by little?
Also, my jaw dropped at your customer's question! What a mean one, how wretched is that person's life that picking on you is their bright spot?? I thought of multiple responses I might have had....! The bullies can wear you out.

((( HUGS )))

Please update when you can!

Thanks WePow. This really struck a chord with me and I think I will mull over this and take to T as well.

Good wishes for today.

ps. Love rocks too. I have a blue lace agate and a clear quartz on my desk now.

Just a note to say my T is wonderful :-) I will post more after dinner. Thank you all again so much !!!!

AWESOME!!!!! WOW. I have no idea what happened....but it sounds like you had a fantastic session....Can't wait to read about it!!

Thank you all for being pocket riders :-) It is so awesome to have you guys "on my side" with this stuff.

An hour before session, I got very mad again at T and did NOT want to go see him. I would not have gone had he not told me he put me down to see him. It is strange because it was his idea this time (I am usually the one asking for multiple sessions). It kinda was my idea because I said "what about later this week" at the end of Wed session - but then he was the one who made room to see me. I was so out of it on Wed session that I would not have made a direct request. So this was another case of T picking up that I did need him - and him making extra sure I had access to him.

So I went. And T had the stuffed animals in a cute basket in his office :-) I felt much better after sitting down with him and seeing those there. It clicked something over again that made me trust my trusting T - it was like I said "See! You were right to keep trusting T through the change!" Because this time, even though I was upset about the location change, I never lost trust in my T. I never felt betrayed or let down. I was mad at the universe - but I kinda stay mad at the whole universe anyway!! LOL. But that is one of the reasons I am in therapy!

Because I didn't act emotionally on my feelings (I didn't emotionally reject T - even though I was totally rejecting his office space), and I didn't act out physically too much on the pain (that was DEEP DEEP pain Wed night), well it proved to me that I can be different from my parents. I am trying to be more like what I see from my T - the ability to emotionally have feelings without fear of acting out in a way that harms myself or others.

It was very cool that I was just able to sit down today with T and kinda chit chat about all of this and about some things about the new space that I picked up on. I didn't do any trauma work (which I couldn't have handled it anyway after Wed!) so conversation stayed a bit lighter than normal sessions. I really needed to just go into there - and yes, that took courage so I give myself a point for that! - but I needed to go right back into his office and just be there with T in a safe way so I could feel that connection again. I still need it, so that is what he gave me back.

Oh and he let me put my Citrine on his shelf :-) My Little One part wanted to put the crystal (Rock Person) behind his pictures on his shelf... We are bonded to that crystal in energy and so now I get to be in my SAFE PLACE (In T's office space) anytime we need to go there!!! And it is hidden so he is protecting us from others. So it is now like the evil office from Wed is now my SUPER SAFE PLACE because I know T controls his space and so I can go there anytime in energy and just hide from the monsters if I need to.

I was safe at the old office, but it still had other people inside T's space so he couldn't lock down his space tight enough. Now he has it all super locked down :-)
I always wanted a super duper safe place like that!!! So now one of my wishes from very early childhood has come true!!!!

Told you I got the bestest T in the whole wide world!!!!! :-)

WePow!!!! That is sooo soooo sooooooo great!!!!!!

(((((WePow)))))

I guess the title of this thread is no longer relevant now? I hope so... How nice you feel a bit more at home, and safe there.

We, it is great that your t picked up on that fact that you needed another appt, sometimes they are great this way. Your t did good and you did too for accepting the change and seeing the positives. I am glad things turned out so well
Safe hugs

My T switched offices midstream too. A big change too, not only in location, but the entire decor of the office.

From a soft couch and chair to leather. Brown hard leather. From a bank of windows, to one crappy window over his desk. New rug, new bookshelf, new mirrors (really, who puts mirrors in a therapy space, but whatever!).

The books and some of the pictures were the same, but that's about it.

It was an adjustment.

It turned out to be a good one though.

Some horrible stuff had come out of me in that old office. When he moved, it was like I was symbolically leaving it behind. Moving into new and better places.

It took a while. But it all worked out very well.

Elliemay, wow! That would be hard to process. My T made it look like his old space :-) I think he likes stability too!

I am glad your change worked out so well for you. That is a wonderful analogy of leaving behind the past. In fact, I thought about that last night while trying to go to sleep. It is like the other place had a TON of my trauma stuff. That was where I did all my trauma work. And now, I am at the end of the work. So now it is like I still have my T but I am not in the same place I was while doing trauma therapy. I feel like I am finally getting past that. Now I can focus on the other parts of therapy I want to address - like personal skills and growth as a human.

You know, I am so happy you posted what you just said because it does help me pull the strings together around all this. Yes. It is the universe symbolically kicking me out of the nursery and into big kids therapy school!! :-)

i just wanted to say how delightful it is to read your posts, WePow, even the ones where you are venting~ maybe those most of all, you are so expressive,, that is a great quality,, so liberating,,, it will keep the boat afloat~! best wishes,, Gus

Elliemay>> Some horrible stuff had come out of me in that old office. When he moved, it was like I was symbolically leaving it behind. Moving into new and better places.

Elliemay, this is a great thought for me to hold onto. Thank you so much!!

WePow, how you doing today?

Thank you for asking, Sitting, I am doing OK today. My T replied last nigh another email that is giving me 2 apts this week. Still have something big I need to process. But need my S/O to drive me home after that - so I am off work Friday and will take care of doing that issue.