november?!

I am SO miserable. I just need a place to vent.

I'm not even sure what it is. I kind of think there was this BIG PUSH through October....I was really geared up for it, I knew that it might be hard, I planned lots of positive stuff, I let myself be open to the lessons that came my way, I shared my secret with T.

Now it's November. I am so so so so so so so so sad and upset and angry. I almost can't function. I am dragging myself through the day, because I have to. I just want to go away forever.

Maybe these are the feelings I was pushing away in October. I don't know.

T is out of town, my two best friends went out of town together for the weekend (I have an obligation here so I couldn't go), H is in angry mode, I feel really really really alone.

I am disappointed in myself for how I feel. I wish I could just disappear.

I so wish I could say, come on over, we'll cook out and have some fun. All I can give you from here is virtual support, but you know you have that. After the big push throughOct (and you did so well) you jprobably need a rest!

(((((tree)))))
it's okay to feel however it you feel, and it's okay to not know why.
I'm sorry you're isolated right now from your IRL support system, but you do have a lot of support here, so you're not really alone.
I hope you start to feel better soon. I am depressed too and I also don't know why, and it's bugging me not knowing, but I'm trying to just let it be.
Keep swimming, tree.

hi tree,

i was just logging on to PC because i feel lonely too, but i was like, "how on earth am i going to make this related to psychotherapy so i can post there where my people are?!"

anyway, just thought i'd reach out and say that you're not alone in your lonliness. i'm going through something similar (well, i had a decent october, i'm talking about the other stuff) as two of my good friends are on vacation, one is recovering from knee surgery, and my partner is out of town. and like you, i feel disappointed.. well, more ashamed really, for some reason.

so. what can we do to get out of our funks? hm..

are you taking care of yourself, physically? i think that can really help. be sure to take a shower and get something to eat.. maybe listen to some music or watch tv to distract yourself. where are your kids at the moment? maybe try doing something with them to get your mind off of things. can you call your therapist and leave a message? even though he's out of town, maybe it will help you to feel connected to give him a call. or try listening to one of his messages instead.

those are all the things i can think of. the only other thing i'll say is that maybe it would help you not to think of this time of struggle as "november" (or before, "october"), but just as today, "friday." that way, you're not locked into feeling like you've got to overcome an entire month of stuff, just stuff from a single day.

hang in there!

(((Hi Tree)))

This would really make me feel sad. Even if it's just the way it worked out. Not fair.
I'm sorry things feel so difficult right now. I find it so hard to cope when I can't call on T and my partner is distant or unavailable. I can relate, it feels very lonely.

But we are here for you.

Is there anything calming or renewing you could do just by yourself?
Sometimes I feel renewed by taking some time for me by visiting a museum or taking in a movie or walking around the mall. I hope your T gets back soon.

E

Just so you know... thinking of you and hoping you feel a bit better.

I am sorry. Hugs.

(((Tree)))

((((((((Tree)))))))))

It is hard after going through the trigger. There is a lot of energy spent when we are going through a trigger - a lot of "fight" going on at the time. After the storm has passed, that is when exhaustion sets in and the person feels what you describe. It is almost like the scenerio of a boat crashing in a storm. The person fights and fights to hold onto the ship and they usually make it through the storm. Then after the storm is over and danger is past, the exhaustion kicks in. That is the most dangerous time because a ship wreck survivor can live through the rough stuff only to drown in four inches of water because they are too exhausted to make it totally to shore.

Wow, WePow....what a wonderful description of what really, really happens. It's comforting to know that there's an analogy that really describes it.....Thanks for posting this.

Do you have some other friends you can catch up with, perhaps friends you haven't seen for a while? Can you sit down with H and talk him through his angry mood? Why is he angry? Can he calm down and support you - maybe the two of you can go out somewhere and relax together?

Thanks, you guys. I am getting through it. I think it's just one of those crappy places where I have to feel what I have to feel

I'm going to knit a sock. A pair of socks, actually, for T. Then I can feel connected and be busy.

Tree, I like your idea of knitting a pair of socks for t, that way he can have warm feet all winter long and he will remember who gave them to him.
Hang in there kiddo, safe hugs

i think that is an awsome idea.i make cards for T i may never give them to her but it helps me feel connected when we have our extended breaks

(((((((((((Tree))))))))))) Hope you are feeling more grounded today. Thinking of you!