[seventyeight]

i posted this in the "addictions" forum, but only had one reply. since it's therapy-related (and since all my PC pals are over here!) i thought it would be ok to post it here in the hopes of getting some feedback..

"my therapist made an interesting comment today when we were talking about the fact that i've quit drinking (for the past month; i was drinking heavily before that), but might drink again around the holidays. she is supportive of whatever i want to do, and said that only i know how to best deal with myself and my issues. the interesting comment was this: "maybe you'll find that you're not really addicted to alcohol, that it is/was more of a way to self-medicate.."

i thought that was a really interesting thing to say, and i was wondering if anyone else had any thoughts on it. do you think there's a difference between the two? if so, what is the difference? and can you define the terms addiction and self-medication?

any feedback would be really great, thank you."

[zooropa]

I'm not an expert on the subject, but I have a lot of alcoholism in my family, and my T is in recovery herself so we have talked about it sometimes. In my mind, the difference between an addict and the rest of us is that the rest of us are able to drink and then not drink, whereas a true addict isn't able to just stop drinking without a great deal of effort.

I too sometimes use alcohol or other drugs to self-medicate, but I am not an addict. I can drink a lot for a period of time and then just sort of forget to drink for months at a time. An alcoholic can't do that.

Anyway, that's my interpretation, seventyeight.

[seventyeight]

thanks so much, zoo. if i may ask: what drives you to self-medicate? and how do you stop if you're "addicted" (for lack of a better word) to the feeling it gives you (i'm guessing it's relief). and how often do you do it?

ok, that's a ton of personal questions - and you don't have to answer any of them! i'm really just trying to get a better understanding of this..

[zooropa]

What drives me to drink? I know if I drink enough it will change how I'm feeling in the moment, and sometimes that is all I can think. That I don't care what it is, if it will change how I feel, if I can feel anything at all besides THIS (whatever it is), then I don't care about the consequences. I need some relief.

For me self-injury is just another form of self-mediating. It achieves the same goal, changing how I feel.

BUT, I know that escaping emotions that way may be effective in the here and now but in the long run it is counterproductive. Emotions that "go away" because of escaping like that just come back bigger and badder and stronger than ever. I know that if I let myself feel it, whatever it is, and don't push it away then it will go away on it's own eventually and not come back.

So, I have learned that, and I know it is true. But sometimes, like last night, I don't CARE about all that, I just want to feel different. How often I self-medicate varies, a lot. Most of the time I can't afford to drink. I also worry about becoming an alcoholic because my mother is one, and my brother too. So I will usually go on little drinking binges, where I drink every day for a week or two, and then I will feel like I have to prove to myself that I'm not an alcoholic, so I stop for weeks or months at a time.

self-medicating with drugs is another story, because I use meds that are prescribed for me. I don't not take them. It's a gray area as to whether I am taking them to escape emotions or because I have a legitimate need to take them. It's sort of a perennial debate in my head: if I take a drug that makes me feel better (antidepressants, etc), do I REALLY feel better or is it the drug? If it's the drug, is that okay, or not?

[seventyeight]

wow, ok. thanks for sharing all this, zoo.. i wasn't expecting an answer, much less such a detailed one. you've given me a lot to think about..

[Omers]

I have the same battle as zoo about meds. I take my depression meds regularly dispite the fact that they don't seem to do a damn bit of good. I also have a med for anxiety and obsessive thinking to take "as needed" within a certian dose per day. I usually stay within my alloted amount. I know though that it is addictive... almost everyone on my fathers side of the family has been adicted to this med at one time or another. So... just how different amI just because I can get a script for it?????

[Melbadaze]

I quit drink almost 8yrs ago....I don't know if I'm an addict or not I just know I'd change and suffer intense negative feelings when drinking and would OD a lot seriously...I still romance the drink and what I fantasised it could do for me, but it went further then I wanted and began to attack me...I still struggle with feelings but I know I don't just want a drink, I'd want a drunk.

strange today I mentioned to T how my fear of loosing people connects with mydrinking, I'd cling to that drink like it was my last chance of love and try and swallow it down as fast as I could. Dealing with the feelings of loss tie in with me dealing with the loss of?abilty to abuse alcohol.

[Oceanwave]

By "addiction" she means being physically dependent on the substance. Your body needs it. Self-medication in this context means that you are using alcohol as a (bad) coping mechanism to deal with emotional issues -- i.e., your mind needs it.

[Melbadaze]

Originally Posted by Oceanwave

By "addiction" she means being physically dependent on the substance. Your body needs it. Self-medication in this context means that you are using alcohol as a (bad) coping mechanism to deal with emotional issues -- i.e., your mind needs it.

But at some point theres a cross over, where the body cannot do without it because of the self medicating.

[sittingatwatersedge]

I too sometimes use alcohol [...] to self-medicate, but I am not an addict. I can drink a lot for a period of time and then just sort of forget to drink for months at a time. An alcoholic can't do that.

this is just what I was going to say.

There is alcoholism in my immediate family (two people) ,and I feared that I was sliding into it myself, but T (who has had tons of experience working with it) hit me with a whole barrage of questions, and says she is satisfied that in my case it's not addiction. that was a relief I have to tell you.

Seventy eight, yr T willl be able to make that determination too - or has already done so - if I might suggest, for your own peace of mind, it's worth asking her yourself, instead of just relying on your own efforts to interpret.

Peace of mind is always a good thing!!

[seventyeight]

awesome, thanks so much everyone! i knew my PFPC (psychotherapy forum psych central) people would come through for me!!

[Melbadaze]

I too sometimes use alcohol [...] to self-medicate, but I am not an addict. I can drink a lot for a period of time and then just sort of forget to drink for months at a time. An alcoholic can't do that.

Oh but they can, its not how much or how often someone drinks, its what the effect the alcohol has on them. I've known alcoholics remain abstinate for yrs then "relapse" and are worse then when they last drunk. I think alcoholism is subjective, its how it makes you feel, I think the one good thing I identified with when I was in AA was somewhere in their "bible" The BIg Book it talks about the 4 horseman of the next morning, and man oh man did they visit me the morning after. This isnt saying anyone here is an alcoholic, as I've spoken to people who drink and it has not psycological effects on them, they suffer no remorse, shame nor guilt, unlike me, I'd shut my curtains the next day and refuse to answer the phone or door from the shame and guilt.

[zooropa]

what I meant by "an alcoholic can't do that" was the forgetting to drink. An alcoholic does not forget to drink. I'm not saying they can't choose not to drink.