group today

Sorry zooropa, I only just now saw this post containing some of the answers to the questions I asked
Doesn't sound "crazy" to me at all. Nothing here even TOUCHES on the fact that there are pink elephants running amok in my living room and eating my cheetos!
I see a lot of "MY", "ME" and similar connotations from her. What I don't see is any sort of humility, or even a vague acknowledgment that she did something really hurtful to another living being for apparently, no valid reason whatsoever. Help ME, screw you? I'm not even sure what the heck she is talking about here.
Interesting. I certainly wouldn't have been glad that she felt better at my expense, but I can only assume you were making a point to her here that she completely missed.
Loyal friends are a rare find. I wouldn't waste too much energy on this one though.
EXACTLY.
Was group T just sorta deaf and dumb about this during session? So apparently the girl was running the show? I'd be mad at group T too. And vocal about it. I don't like getting stomped on.
I wouldn't really make yourself vulnerable by sharing too many emotions with this girl. Don't beat yourself up either. I almost married a narcissist, and several things ring similar here to this girl and my ex.
She sure has a convoluted idea of what you are upset about. Maybe you weren't as clear as you could have been to her? Some people you have to be very direct with so that there is no room for misinterpretation.
I see. Blame the victim.
I don't think that's true, unless there are things you are not telling us. The story seems pretty straightforward but she is in complete denial of her actions and entirely void of introspection from where I sit.
Don't bet on that.
Captain Obvious?
But again, blame the victim. It's "your fault" because YOU are messed up... see that?
No matter what the "main issue" might be, this girl did something really nasty and then tried to blame you for your alleged inadequacies. Shift the blame technique. Fails to accept any responsibility for her actions. RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG-- not friend material. I wouldn't worry about whether or not she speaks to you or not at this point. You need to take care of YOU and not worry about this girl. I think group therapy really needs to be in a controlled, healthy, productive environment. It needs a T leader who is highly capable. I don't know your group T zoo, but what do you think of her?

I completely agree about this.

Those who keep telling you something more than what really needs to be said are doing so so that they can believe that it is true.........

I think that you are doing a really good job here. This woman sounds really harmful to you. I'm glad that you will be discussing this with your T.

WOW, zoo. That text sounded so blaming (you're in your "emotional mind") and self-congratulatory. What an obnoxious *****.

No matter how you're feeling, I hope that the fact that we're all behind you helps you know even a little bit that you're right, this is NOT how you deserve to be treated.

I'm so glad you see T today.

She is soooooo awful! I can't say more, I am really triggered and upset about her words. Big huge alarm bells in my ears. Everything about this screams manipulator. There is no need for you to have contact with this vile woman. T will validate you in this zoo

Zoo, I didn't see anything "hate filled" in what you sent. Quite the contrary; you seemed to be keeping your cool (in the face of serious odds BTW) Then she turns on you and says it's all your doing. no way, good grief.

here for you Z

((((((((((Zoo)))))))))

I'm glad you blocked her. Good job in protecting yourself. I know that you have said before you have a hard time standing up for yourself. Good Job!!!!!!!!!!!!! From what you said about group, I'm surprised that the groupT wasn't more directive in the discussion to make sure that you had a time to speak what was going on with you. I think this person believes everything is about her. I'm glad you are going to talk about this with T.

As much as it sux, I am glad you're getting this opportunity in a therapy setting to deal with such issues and feelings surrounding it. It will help you be stronger in the long run.

I also hope that she shows up in the next group T session and that you will be able to share your feelings of anger and mistrust...and see where that leads.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this crud on top of everything else, but I am also seeing it as opportunity to grow....

hi zoo,

just wanted to see how it went with your therapist today. thanks for sharing all that you did about the texts and whatnot. i think what you said was totally fine and appropriate, but it does seem like she's a little off-kilter though, imo. i wanted to let you know that i'm definitely on TEAM ZOO (as i'm sure everyone else that replied to this thread is too).

anyway, let us know how it went today..

thanks so much you guys. Jexa, I'm sorry you got triggered and I hope you're OK.

I saw T today and read her the texts and told her my thoughts and feelings about it all. I had so much to talk about that we didn't get to doing any trauma work, which was FINE by me.

I'm just going to really focus on taking care of myself this week.

seriously - who the f*** does she think she is? im sorry but someone who will flatten and devastate someone else in the name of their own personal growth and healing is NOT worth having in your life. I am soo sorry that you encountered this leach - you gave her friendship and she sucked out your life - squash her and move on, zoo -

You are a loving, caring, vibrant, intelligent person with personal ethics/morals who tragically had extreme darkness in your past - but you ARE HERE - and you share your light and energy with us here - and we all can see this is you - we dont see any of the other stuff - we feel your pain and know this is in your past but it IS NOT YOU! YOU ARE GOOD, you are healing, you are worthy of being seen, heard, understood, loved.

Please carry these things with you - and block that M from your phone!

sorry zoo - saw this post and my mind went ape crazy - didnt read the rest until just now - and it got worse - i am glad you got to talk it thru with t - i am so sorry that you have to have this exchange at this time when you have been having enough other problems....

not to change gears on you, but when i experience something really stressful like this - i sometimes wonder what lesson im supposed to take from it - assertiveness? patience? self care? sometimes when i change my thinking - to an opposite action - i get something special i would have missed.

sending warm thoughts and hugs

zooey, i'm sorry i only read through this thread now. i'm glad you've seen T and are focussing on YOU for the rest of this week.

like gelfling, i do wonder if there is something you can take from this situation. maybe it's about asserting your side of the story next time in group, or maybe it's about making a proactive decision to cut this toxic person from your life, or maybe it's an opportunity for you to grow your inner strength and truth so that when other people (with their own issues) pass judgement, you can keep their issues separate from you.

i feel nauseous that she had the audacity to txt you. im not a violent person but i do feel like sending her a massive b1tch slap.

i really really really do hope you can go back to group and process this, your side of the story. maybe there will be more people there and it would be a more supportive environment for you. if you want, i come jump in your handbag and randomly pop out and hiss at her.

bah, im fuming on your behalf. much love, dearest .

I'm ok zoo I mostly got triggered because I've been manipulated a LOT by people like that and it ALWAYS sends me into these total tailspins. Reading it actually made me feel like she was talking to me and like I'd done something wrong! Flashing red in my vision panic! lol anxiety is weird. Anyway my reaction is just more evidence that she's just a manipulator. This is the way I react ONLY to people who are twisting truth against me.. totally freaks me out.. clearly she is a truth-twister.

I agree with deli, I am a pretty non-violent person but I seriously want to punch M in the FACE! Who does she think she IS?? #ucking c##t!

I'm glad you got to talk to T. What did she say about this? Are you going to tell groupT too? Hope you are taking very good care of zoo.. she deserves it after going through all this!!

I wish I could thank each of you individually. Please know that I read and was helped by each and every post.

Jexa, my T didn't say much. she definitely understood why I felt so invalidated and even violated. She said that she will talk to group-T and that she (group-T) will call me before the next session.

T did say that maybe if we lay some ground rules about not processing this stuff in group any more then we could still work together effectively within the group. I told her I don't know if I would be able to allow myself to be vulnerable in front of M again.

I think my T was more interested in how I dissociated during group than anything else. I know she is in an awkward position, being T to both M and I. I really like to think T likes me better, though.