[doogie]

My T is having a family emergency right now, and has had to cancel session. I (the adult me anyway) totally gets that and I have tried to be as gracious as possible about it. I mean, it's not like it is her fault and I know she is under a lot of stress as caregiver, etc. The little girl me, however, still needs T. It's not like I can just turn off this crap in my life that I'm dealing with 24/7, you know? I see the pattern. I'm pushing down the hurt I have and the need I have from wanting and needing T for HER needs right now, but what choice do I have? I feel like I can't let her know how much I am hurting, because I know she is under a lot of stress. I feel like I need to protect her from me - I guess that is how I feel anyway. I just don't know what to do and I'm spinning out a little - a lot. My T, who is like this solid base, who is always there, who is the strong one - I all of a sudden feel like I need to protect and take care of HER, but I still need her to protect me and be there for me. I feel so selfish. I don't know what to do. I really, really, really, don't know what to do.

[Omers]

BREATHE!...more in a bit...

[Omers]

yep, sucky place to be. I haven't been here long enough to start remembering PC peoples personalities yet alone the personality of their T so... this may or may not be apropriate...

Can you leave your T a message letting them know that you are thinking about them and ask them to give you a call when they come back into the office so you know everything is OK?

It is a good thing that your T is doing. 1. it is important that they do self care too and 2. If your T did meet with you they may be distracted and that is not fair to you.

Remember your t is a professional with hopefully very good boundaries -- quite capable of taking care of herself. She'll take time when she needs it. She'll see patients when she is able. It isn't your job to protect your t. My t lost his father about a year ago, his son has been in prison, he has lots of "stuff", but it has never been my job to protect him from me. He doesn't need protection from me or my stuff. He's a big boy. He knows how to take care of himself quite well.

[with or without you]

this happened to me 2 years ago. She called to tell me she couldn't meet with me because her mother died. Meanwhile, I had just been to my college friend's funeral that same day (she died suddenly at 25 years old). Obviously, I needed to talk to her so badly; it was killing me. But I did not tell her that, and I did not tell her where I had just come back from. Instead, I told her I was so very sorry for her and I would talk to her whenever she came back. Sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and grind it out. I think if it things went really downhill for me (wanting to hurt myself) I would call an emergency counseling hotline or something like that, but my mood never got that desperate.

[WePow]

It OK to feel bad when T can't be there for us. Earlier this year, my T saw me on normal session on Wed but didn't say anything about not being available by email the rest of the week. So there I was still dealing with trauma stuff and emailing him, but he was not responding. Then I wrote and said something like "I feel you are gone away and I need you." He wrote back only a few words "I am here" and that really threw me!! I was thinking all sorts of things! I kept writing and he said nothing. Then I wrote asking if he could see me Friday after work. He wrote back "I am at a funeral today so I am not in the office, but if you go into crisis, call me on my phone. I will have that on."

I thought OMG! What! Who died!! ??? I had noticed on Wed T was dabbing at his eyes a lot but I never asked why. I thought it was about me and the trauma as that has made him tear up at times. So I decided to google his last name to see if I could find out what was going on... and I found the obit for his grandmother and it listed T as a paulberrer. UGGG!!!!! She had passed away Tue and there my T was seeing clients the next day!!

I wrote nothing else in email, but when I did see him, I told him I saw the obit. He didn't say anything. I told him I was very sorry for his loss. He thanked me and then turned the conversation back to me.

I still sometimes wish he would have just canceled the session that day and told me he had a family issue!

[WikidPissah]

Once T resumes sessions after a crisis, she should be able to handle your feelings and emotions. If she is unavailable temporarily, you can call Samaritans or other hotlines to talk if you need to. Don't let yourself go into crisis because of her crisis.

[lizardlady]

Doogie, as others said, it's not up to you to take care of your therapist. It's up to her to 1) make sure someone else can handle client emergencies while she's out and 2) not return to work until she can keep her personal stuff separate from clients' therapy.

[with or without you]

I was supposed to talk to my therapist tonight. She called me about 2 hours ago saying she couldn't because she has the flu...she sounded terrible. I really wanted to talk to her, though, because I've been making a lot of progress lately! This sucks.