[jazzy123456]

inspired by someones post---an example of something small that feels big.

well, idk why i can't forgive. and move past this. and i realize this is something i brought up in therapy for like 5 minutes and will never bring up again cuz I won't have the time too.

but, i just need to FORGET and I can't maybe cuz I should have let the incident be what it was and what it was, was very Big to me...

although, many would say it was small.

like the post, we have to honor the big and small.

and for some reason, maybe cuz I'm frustrated with my Dad at the moment
but, I brought it up only once in therapy

I was a little girl. The day my Dad threw me against a wall and pinned me there and wouldn't let me go, got in my face and screamed at me, directly in my face and I ran upstairs crying in my room and I expected my mom to come help and she didn't.

see, that was small...or my mom probably wanted it to be.

but, I'm realizing it was quite big cuz I'm randomly getting pissed about it.

[Sannah]

That incident sounds big to me, especially when you think about what a dad's role is supposed to be and how scary what he did can be to a kid.

If you are still angry you haven't done enough work on this issue. Forgiving and forgetting before you have done your work on the issues doesn't do you any favors.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by jazzy123456

I was a little girl. The day my Dad threw me against a wall and pinned me there and wouldn't let me go, got in my face and screamed at me, directly in my face and I ran upstairs crying in my room and I expected my mom to come help and she didn't.

see, that was small...or my mom probably wanted it to be.

Not so small -- especially if it was not just a one-time type of thing.

[ladyjrnlist]

There are similar intances in my past with my dad. I know the pain can linger. Not trivial at all.

[granite1]

that sound very big to me and also terifying to me jazzy not small at all

[rainbow8]

I'm sorry that happened to you, Jazzy. It sounds very big to me, and something you just weren't ready to get into in therapy yet.

[peaches100]

Jazzy,

I understand the pain you have. My dad many, many times yelled at, criticized, or made fun of me until i got upset and/or cried, while my mom sat nearby and said and did nothing -- as though it wasn't really happening or it didn't matter to her. Even when i woudl leave the room crying and go to my own room, she didn't come in to try to soothe me or help me understand the situation. It would often happen when my dad was drinking.

I so well understand why a situation like this would be painful to you. As little kids, we look to our parents for protection. When one of them acts in a way that feels scary/threatening, we look to the other one to help. When that doesn't happen, we feel very bad and alone. I hope you can keep talking about this with your t so you can find some relief.

[WikidPissah]

that's not small Jazzy, and it is not at all an appropriate way for a father to act. He was wrong, and it hurt you. Your mother was wrong for not protecting and comforting you. It's a big deal for a little girl.

Jazzy,
you were small, your dad was big, and the incident was "big" as well. I am sorry your mom did not protect you.
Sometimes when i look at my nieces, at the age i was when the abuse occurred, i understand more my lack of control or power....and do not understand an adult not being their to protect me sending safe hugs

[WePow]

If you still have anger at times about this, then it is a wound that needs to be healed. Sending you tons of hugs.

[jazzy123456]

Sannah---I guess I never really went longer then 5 minutes discussing this issue cuz first thing first you have to acknowledge that its an issue before you tackle it. & I think I actuallly have an amazing Dad so I feel guilty for focusing on one extreme mishap that happened such a long time ago. Dont get me wrong, my dad gets flustered\ticked off a lot but, I think that was the only time it went to that extreme.

Thanks pachyderm, ladyjrnilist and granite 1

Granite1---hmmmm....i guess it was terrifying or at least scary, i have a hard time acknowledging that it was.

Rainbow8--thanks---i guess i think my therapist won't validate it, cuz I don't.

Peaches100 -- I'm not glad you had to go through so much pain but, I am glad to know that someone understands what it feels like to expect comfort from a parent and not receive it. i'm sorry life dealt you a rough hand of cards in this department.
I hope you've continued to find healing and hope.

Elieen2010 and JBMOMG---thanks i think thats somethig we have to learn to do, think of our pain in the eyes of that little girl or little boy we were at the time, cuz in this moment, as I am an adult, its easy to not validate it but, years ago....it felt big...cuz i was small enough to feel this way. makes sense.

Wepow thanks, it was so long ago, does it really take this long for such a small wound to heal? although, everyone says its big i've spent most of my life saying, just forget it, it was such a long time ago, just forgive...but, that hasnt ever helped me...trying to say these things. i wonder if i acknowledge it and go through it, if the outcome will be different???

Everyone=====tons of hugs.

[learning1]

Wow, thanks for posting this. I also have a memory of one incident that was pretty blatantly over the top from one of my parents. It wasn't as bad as ongoing physical abuse that some people deal with, so I feel guilty for remembering it.
This is exactly what I've been realizing I've done
"i've spent most of my life saying, just forget it, it was such a long time ago, just forgive...but, that hasnt ever helped me..."

Also my parents are not ones to talk about complicated emotions. I can't imagine that they would understand me remembering it without feeling terribly hurt (at least Mom), which makes me feel more guilty. But now I'm thinking the fact that she didn't (and maybe wouldn't) understand that it really hurt a lot but that that doesn't mean I hate her, doesn't mean I can't acknowledge it hurt me a lot, it was wrong of her, and I understand it.

Wow, that was a tortured sentence Hope I can explain it a little more coherently to t