[geez]

I feel so comforted since my appt yesterday. Yesterday my T said "I can see you struggling with telling me things sometimes and I know that is difficult for you". I felt totally and completely understood in that moment. I feel like I took one huge step forward in trusting my T and being more vulnerable. Today I found this article about "A Special Kind of Love" and I wanted to share it with you all. Not sure if this has already been posted but I thought I would pass this along.

*****TRIGGER WARNING*****
http://www.hypnosisdepot.com/Psychot...nd_of_Love.php

[bpd2]

Thanks, geez--I went to the site. Another perspective is always worthwhile!

[sunrise]

I loved that, geez. Thank you! I even liked just the first bullet list of points. I agree with ALL of them! I'm going to post the bullet list here because I think it's so on the mark. I think if I were looking for a therapist again, I could hand them this list and ask what they thought of it, and if they disagreed with a lot of the statements, I would know they were not the T for me.

Psychotherapy: A Special Kind of Love

• Psychotherapeutic Eros is a unique form of love.
• This flow of love from therapist to client releases the client's potential for positive change.
• Every client both wants and fears to change.
• Love often requires the therapist to do the opposite of what the client expects.
• The notion of transference is a way of denying real feelings.
• Clients should shop smartly to find the right therapist.
• Therapists can't help someone who has the same problems they have, or whose value system fundamentally conflicts with theirs.
• Conversely, therapists do love the unloveable -- when they connect with the client's vulnerability.
• Fees are one of the characteristics that distinguish Psychotherapeutic Eros from other forms of love.
• The purpose of therapy is to free clients to love themselves and other people.
• Women clients do not automatically fall in love with their male therapists -- though many of the latter like to believe it's a fact.
• Therapy love, while flowing from therapist to client, is also reciprocal, and has positive effects on the therapist, too.

[WikidPissah]

Counterbalancing these horrors was the therapist's love: his acceptance of her as a person, his refusal to agree that she was evil, and especially his validation that her perceptions were true, all contributed to her growth in self-confidence and self-acceptance.

This part blew me away....I just realized why my old T ended up being a huge mistake, and why I fell deeper into depression. He insisted I was demon possessed, re-enforcing my own belief that I was evil. Wow...tons of light-bulbs just went off in my brain.

[geez]

"Counterbalancing these horrors was the therapist's love: his acceptance of her as a person, his refusal to agree that she was evil, and especially his validation that her perceptions were true, all contributed to her growth in self-confidence and self-acceptance. Counterbalancing these horrors was the therapist's love: his acceptance of her as a person, his refusal to agree that she was evil, and especially his validation that her perceptions were true, all contributed to her growth in self-confidence and self-acceptance."

Originally Posted by Eileen2010

This part blew me away....I just realized why my old T ended up being a huge mistake, and why I fell deeper into depression. He insisted I was demon possessed, re-enforcing my own belief that I was evil. Wow...tons of light-bulbs just went off in my brain.
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((Eileen)) I'm so sorry to hear that your old T treated you the way he did.

The above quote struck a cord with me too. When I think back to all the negative things I've thought about my T and then I read the above quote. My T has never said I was a bad person even though I thought she would have for some of the things I've said to her/shared. Sometimes in my head during an appt I think to myself: "I'm totally afraid to say this because she is going to think I'm a terrible person and she is going to kick me out of therapy or refer me to someone else - I've never shared anything 'this bad' with her before."... and of course she proves that it's all in my head and she will not abandon me.

I feel like so far I've lucked out with my T. If I ever need another T I will be sure to print out the list as well.

[zooropa]

I want to go read that site, but why is there a trigger warning?

[bpd mess]

Originally Posted by Eileen2010

This part blew me away....I just realized why my old T ended up being a huge mistake, and why I fell deeper into depression. He insisted I was demon possessed, re-enforcing my own belief that I was evil. Wow...tons of light-bulbs just went off in my brain.
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this hit me as well. my previous t kept asking me what i needed to repent of. like everything was all my fault. he just fed what i already thought about mysef.

[bpd mess]

Originally Posted by zooropa

I want to go read that site, but why is there a trigger warning?

not sure what makes things a trigger, but the it does talk about some examples of csa.

[geez]

Originally Posted by zooropa

I want to go read that site, but why is there a trigger warning?

Zoo there are some discussion of abuse and I don't want anyone to be triggered. Hope you are doing well!

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by bpd mess

this hit me as well. my previous t kept asking me what i needed to repent of. like everything was all my fault. he just fed what i already thought about mysef.

bpd mess, that reminds me of something T my T once said, although it is the opposite. At my last joint meeting with T and my (X)H, T read a poem to us. The gist of the poem was: go out into the world and stop beating yourself up about this. It's easy with the end of a marriage to feel like a failure--after all, marriage is "supposed to" last forever--so it was like he was giving us final permission to put it behind us and get out of the repent-fail-reproach mindset. It was very powerful. I think that is a role our Ts can play--giving us permission to forgive ourselves.

[jazzy123456]

thanks.interesting website indeed!!