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  #1  
Old Dec 05, 2010, 11:35 AM
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rainbow8 rainbow8 is offline
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I saw Bt (for those of you who don't know that stands for "blunt t" as I called her on the forum as opposed to my current T who I call Kt for kind t) at a social event last night. I knew I was going to see her, but I was still surprised at how "normal" I acted with her! I told her my therapy is going well. She said she once attended a lecture by Richard Schwartz, founder of IFS, and she thinks it's a powerful method. I didn't sit with her; I had my friends and she had hers, but it was just "nice" to feel comfortable and not anxious being in the same room with her for a couple of hours!

The only repercussion is that I just called her, left a message saying she didn't have to call back, but told her about the hand-holding that I do with my current T, and also about yoga and mindfulness. I think she will be okay with my telling her. I wasn't trying to criticize my therapy with her and I hope she will realize that.

I have some thoughts about why I am okay with seeing her now. One is that it's been almost a year since my last session with her though I've seen her briefly and said "hi" at other times. The more disturbing reason is that I am in therapy with someone else, so I don't have to obsess about Bt anymore. If I weren't in therapy, I may have been in a different mind-set. My pattern is still there; hopefully this therapy will end it.

I am also wondering how it would be if I saw my current T IRL. I would probably obsess and react the way I used to with Bt. I wish that I wouldn't think that, but I know I'm curious about how she acts with other people, and I know I'd be jealous seeing her with her family. I'm jealous of them already just because they exist! So, that's still an issue for me. But it's the same attachment problem I'm working on.

The main thing is that I feel good about seeing Bt and about our relationship.
Thanks for this!
WePow

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  #2  
Old Dec 05, 2010, 10:06 PM
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SenatorPenguin8081 SenatorPenguin8081 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8 View Post
I saw Bt (for those of you who don't know that stands for "blunt t" as I called her on the forum as opposed to my current T who I call Kt for kind t) at a social event last night. I knew I was going to see her, but I was still surprised at how "normal" I acted with her! I told her my therapy is going well. She said she once attended a lecture by Richard Schwartz, founder of IFS, and she thinks it's a powerful method. I didn't sit with her; I had my friends and she had hers, but it was just "nice" to feel comfortable and not anxious being in the same room with her for a couple of hours!

The only repercussion is that I just called her, left a message saying she didn't have to call back, but told her about the hand-holding that I do with my current T, and also about yoga and mindfulness. I think she will be okay with my telling her. I wasn't trying to criticize my therapy with her and I hope she will realize that.

I have some thoughts about why I am okay with seeing her now. One is that it's been almost a year since my last session with her though I've seen her briefly and said "hi" at other times. The more disturbing reason is that I am in therapy with someone else, so I don't have to obsess about Bt anymore. If I weren't in therapy, I may have been in a different mind-set. My pattern is still there; hopefully this therapy will end it.

I am also wondering how it would be if I saw my current T IRL. I would probably obsess and react the way I used to with Bt. I wish that I wouldn't think that, but I know I'm curious about how she acts with other people, and I know I'd be jealous seeing her with her family. I'm jealous of them already just because they exist! So, that's still an issue for me. But it's the same attachment problem I'm working on.

The main thing is that I feel good about seeing Bt and about our relationship.
Why did you feel the need to call your old T at all? Is this a part of the pattern you are talking about?

I'm glad you didn't freak out or anything while attending the same event. I never would have talked to her at all other than to say "Hi" or whatever, and I certainly wouldn't have talked about therapy/psychology subjects even if not about my specific problems as they aren't fit for social functions (usually). Especially when you consider the audience is your old T and that in itself is a potential powder keg.

Try not to let this derail you by focusing attention in therapy on an old T. Try to focus on you and the underlying issues. Beware of falling into an emotional cycle.
  #3  
Old Dec 06, 2010, 03:13 AM
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jazzy123456 jazzy123456 is offline
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I'm personally terrified of that ever happening to me. i cant even stand to see my T outside of her office in the parking lot, if i have an appointment in the morning,'
and we both pull up at the same time. i'm like, u neeed to be in your office lol where u belong hahah not outside, where ppl can see that I know you bahahah ok let me stop anywho awesome kudos to you for that going well.
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--- A bird doesn't sing because it has all the answers, it sings because it has a song.
Maya Angelou.

so sing. Jazz, sing. --jazzy123456
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  #4  
Old Dec 06, 2010, 10:40 AM
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granite1 granite1 is offline
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this is great rain allow yourself to feel it and not worry about the reasons and your relationship with kt
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  #5  
Old Dec 06, 2010, 10:54 AM
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rainbow8 rainbow8 is offline
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I wonder if the 140 or so people reading my thread understand about me and my former T and that's why they aren't responding. That's okay because I know my relationship with Bt was/is unusual. I feel relieved about talking with her, but most of you won't "get it". I wanted to have a record of how I handled it, too.

Senator P.: If you don't my history with my former T, it's hard to understand my motivations and how I interact with her. I don't want to start another controversial thread about seeing one's T IRL!

I obsessed about Bt for about 7 years, so my seeing her and relating normally is a huge step for me. It's tempered by the fact that if I were not in therapy with someone else, I probably would have acted more weirdly and felt more anxious.

Calling her afterward was not an attempt to perpetuate my connection with her; I wanted to finish telling her something. I'm fine about seeing her! Penguin, I've always seen my former T in social situations and it caused a bit of distress all those years of therapy with her. I don't mean I saw her all of the time, but I'd see her every couple of months or so. It was hard to handle but I liked it at the same time.

Jazzy: Thank you. I had to get used to seeing my T IRL. It helped get her off the pedestal but it also fed into my obsession for her. I shouldn't use the word obsession. I mean my pattern of attachment to Ts. I wanted to be with her, or at least watch her when I saw her somewhere. It was always okay with her if I went up to her, said hi, and talked for a few minutes. Then we'd go our separate ways, but I'd always watch her. This time I didn't feel that need to watch her like I used to. But, I think I'd be the same way if I saw my current T IRL. I am TOO interested in her private life. So, it's what I'm working on in therapy--having compassion and curiousity about the parts of me that feel and act that way, getting to the nitty-gritty of my feelings, facing them, and hopefully being able to get better even though I don't want to.
  #6  
Old Dec 06, 2010, 10:57 AM
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rainbow8 rainbow8 is offline
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granite: Thank you!
  #7  
Old Dec 06, 2010, 11:09 AM
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with or without you with or without you is offline
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rainbow, glad to hear that running into former T didn't upset you. Personally, I would die if I saw any former T's, or my current T, in public. But that's just me!
  #8  
Old Dec 06, 2010, 12:27 PM
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WePow WePow is offline
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wow! you did GREAT!!!!
Thanks for this!
rainbow8
  #9  
Old Dec 06, 2010, 02:04 PM
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peaches100 peaches100 is offline
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I think it's nice that you're able to see your old t on an occasional basis during shared social events and behave normallly with her, saying hello and chatting a moment or two before moving on.

I also think it's good that you realize that part of your ability to normalize your relationship with Bt may be because you have a new t who you have become attached to. It's not a bad thing to switch your attachment from one to the other, as long as you recognize it as a pattern you have and seek to learn from it in your work with current t.
  #10  
Old Dec 06, 2010, 03:13 PM
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WikidPissah WikidPissah is offline
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I think it is so awesome that you recognize your attachment patterns, accept them and deal with them. It is so brave of you to be able to look at these patterns and work on them. Very cool.
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  #11  
Old Dec 06, 2010, 05:36 PM
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Hi Rainbow, I've been thinking about this since you posted it. It sounds like you handled bumping into your former T really well, and I'm so glad you feel satisfied with how it went.

I can relate to the feeling that you were able to feel 'normal' about your old T because you have attached to your new T. I've been thinking a lot recently about how I have never been able to keep the good feelings I have from helping relationships after the end, because I just 'transfer' them onto the new person. It makes me even more determined to make this attachment with my current T the last one- to resolve it properly and be able to keep her with me always, rather than just moving it all onto someone else.

However, I've also been reflecting on how my attachment to my T is a protective factor which enables me to interact more normally with others. I am very vulnerable to these strong attachments not just in therapy but with anyone whom I perceive to be caring and have a certain 'quality' (haven't worked out what it is yet). Knowing that my attachment to my T is so solid and complete enables me to take risks in other relationships which would normally feel too dangerous. An example is that during my yoga and mindfulness class tonight, I was able to allow the teacher to lay a blanket over me, and to just enjoy her soothing voice and let myself drift off; if I didn't feel confident that my needs are contained by my T, I would have felt far too afraid that I was making myself too vulnerable, and would become too obsessed with the yoga teacher, and I would be fighting these kinds of interactions every step instead of letting myself enjoy them and take what I needed from them.
Thanks for this!
sunrise
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