My T's on holiday for 9 days. Today is day 6. I know it doesn't sound like much to people who only have in-session contact once a week, but I usually have contact with her 6 days a week.

I'm missing her badly. I tried really hard in the days before the break to fill up with enough of her love to carry me through. It was working well but yesterday I started sinking. I ended up texting her, which I feel really horrible about. She ended up helping me during her 3 week break in the summer, and I really wanted to respect her time and show her that I can manage well. I knew she wouldn't reply, but I felt like I had to remind her that I still exist, which is stupid because her last text message to me says "I will be thinking about you and have loving feelings in my heart for you always". I know she hasn't forgotten me, I know she'll be back soon... I just don't feel it.

I feel anxious about posting this because PC has felt so unsettled recently. I know I'm risking incurring others' scorn for letting myself love her and admitting that I miss her. But I do. And I do. What to do?

[pegasus]

(((((((( Improving ))))))))))

Just a few days to go. Maybe you could write or journal some thoughts and feelings. In my opinion the attachment is essential to the healing process. Hang in there.

[rainbow8]

(((((improving)))))

I'm sorry you're having a hard time but I'm glad that you posted. It's okay to love your T and admit that you miss her. I know how hard it is when Ts go away; I had a really bad time when mine went overseas.

What can you do? I'm writing this as much for myself because I need to get through the days until my session on Tuesday.

Breathe. Slowly and deeply.
Do you exercise, meditate or do yoga? Those are my T's suggestions for me.
Distract yourself with something you feel strongly about. That's the best way for me because a lot of time can go by and I say to myself, "Hey, I didn't think about T for 1 hr. or 2, or 3 while I was doing such and such."
Or read a book or watch a movie or take a walk or do anything you like to do.
Post on PC and get support and hugs!
Help others on PC
Journal your feelings that you want to tell T
Know that time does pass; it always does!
Reread emails or text messages or whatever you have in Ts writing.
Try to visualize times when T expressed her caring for you.

I hope some of these ways help you. Hang in there!

[Melbadaze]

Improving, I'm glad you can let yourself feel your true feelings,denial isn't helpful, it does hurt when we miss them, it triggers so many old feelings, and it takes time, but the talking about it with her is the way to go. I normally journal and that helps or like you if it gets to unbearable then I email her and just seeing her reply eases the pain.

Thanks everyone. Melbadaze, I probably could email her, but she wouldn't reply as she's on leave, and I already feel bad enough about texting her.

I think I'm making the missing her worse by feeling so disappointed with myself for not being able to do 'it' (whatever that is). I honestly hoped this wouldn't happen this time. I stockpiled so much love from her and I have so many things to hold onto (texts, recordings from her, a letter, objects she's given me) and I hoped that I had started to internalize her presence and love. But it's all slipping away and the doubts are back. The what-the-hell-was-I-thinking-why-did-I-let-this-happen-to-me-I-am-never-going-back doubts. I hate this.

I'm going to try to validate that it is hard and I am doing well, and radically accept that this is how I feel right now. I'm going to increase my use of soothing and distracting activities and keep trying to get on with my life. Thanks for the list of suggestions rainbow, I keep coming back to it for ideas!

Thank you for the understanding and encouragement. There's noone in real life that I can tell.