[granite1]

i have T tomorrow and i haven't had the greatest few weeks a few melt downd and problems and an episode of SI.i know i will not talk about thisand i havnt written her any letters or emails at all in fact she has only come to my mind a few times when reading here and once when i was wishing i could go sit in her office and feel safe.i believe this was just before the SI episode.i just dont know what i want in going back i feel like a child being called to principles office or being sent to my room.i so want to talk to her to be like some others here that just can go and work things out.sorry if i am whining.i just so feel stuck in just about everything .i know i am going to go tomorrow and T will ask how are things or some generic opening question and if i am in a talkitive mood ill say i'm ok or if not i will shrug.and that will be it.god i wish my T had some magic so i could know what she wants from me i am just so lost i have been going to T for about 15 months now and she really still has no idea about what has gone om in my life.i want to tell her so bad it is driving me crazy but i just cant do it no matter what i just cant open my mouthh.i just hate it i get so angry at me

[Kacey2]

Originally Posted by granite1

i have T tomorrow and i haven't had the greatest few weeks a few melt downd and problems and an episode of SI.i know i will not talk about thisand i havnt written her any letters or emails at all in fact she has only come to my mind a few times when reading here and once when i was wishing i could go sit in her office and feel safe.i believe this was just before the SI episode.i just dont know what i want in going back i feel like a child being called to principles office or being sent to my room.i so want to talk to her to be like some others here that just can go and work things out.sorry if i am whining.i just so feel stuck in just about everything .i know i am going to go tomorrow and T will ask how are things or some generic opening question and if i am in a talkitive mood ill say i'm ok or if not i will shrug.and that will be it.god i wish my T had some magic so i could know what she wants from me i am just so lost i have been going to T for about 15 months now and she really still has no idea about what has gone om in my life.i want to tell her so bad it is driving me crazy but i just cant do it no matter what i just cant open my mouthh.i just hate it i get so angry at me

Granite,
I kind of smiled when I saw that we both posted on relatively the same subject at the same time.

I wonder why we have such a hard time telling the important things to the very people we have hired and entrusted our care into? When I think about it in a purely logical mind it seems downright idiotic that we would sit there and keep our struggles to ourselves. Then we have to throw in that curveball emotional mind. I think that is where it all gets messed up.

I hope for your sake that you can find a small opening to let her in on some of your latest secrets. I hope that you can be open enough to let yourself feel safe for your therapy hour and maybe you can carry that with you for a little while.

It feels wierd to be able to say all of this to you and then when it comes to my own t I can not do it myself. (find the small opening, allow the good feeling of safeness, etc.) I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and your struggles. Let us know how it goes ok?

[WePow]

((((((((((((((Granite)))))))))))))))))))

[granite1]

i think we can say these things to eachother because we know how things are supose to be but at the same time i have no idea how to reach this point.how to deal with the pain and anger i feel about things

[Kacey2]

Originally Posted by granite1

i think we can say these things to eachother because we know how things are supose to be but at the same time i have no idea how to reach this point.how to deal with the pain and anger i feel about things

Me too!

I agree.

[SpiritRunner]

I understand the struggle too.

[ECHOES]

Could you let her know that it's been a hard week and that you are glad to just be there and feel safe... and see where it goes from there?

I had that same feeling for the longest time of being called to the principle's office and I told her about it so we could talk about it. I didn't say much. She said it sounded like it was about a feeling of getting into trouble and being afraid. Just her saying that was comforting. I don't remember where we went from there, and it was at a time I wasn't talking much, but I do remember that it felt good to say even just that.

She will be glad to see you tomorrow

[granite1]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

Could you let her know that it's been a hard week and that you are glad to just be there and feel safe... and see where it goes from there?

I had that same feeling for the longest time of being called to the principle's office and I told her about it so we could talk about it. I didn't say much. She said it sounded like it was about a feeling of getting into trouble and being afraid. Just her saying that was comforting. I don't remember where we went from there, and it was at a time I wasn't talking much, but I do remember that it felt good to say even just that.

She will be glad to see you tomorrow

that might be a good thing to try and say echoes it is good words.atleast i would have something to say

[rainbow8]

granite, what happened to doing the art stuff in your session? Is that something you can still do? I also like what ECHOES suggested. It's short and maybe you can say it. Good luck. It will be okay no matter if you talk or not.

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by granite1

i have T tomorrow and i haven't had the greatest few weeks a few melt downd and problems and an episode of SI.i know i will not talk about thisand i havnt written her any letters or emails at all in fact she has only come to my mind a few times when reading here and once when i was wishing i could go sit in her office and feel safe.i believe this was just before the SI episode.i just dont know what i want in going back i feel like a child being called to principles office or being sent to my room.i so want to talk to her to be like some others here that just can go and work things out.sorry if i am whining.i just so feel stuck in just about everything .i know i am going to go tomorrow and T will ask how are things or some generic opening question and if i am in a talkitive mood ill say i'm ok or if not i will shrug.and that will be it.god i wish my T had some magic so i could know what she wants from me i am just so lost i have been going to T for about 15 months now and she really still has no idea about what has gone om in my life.i want to tell her so bad it is driving me crazy but i just cant do it no matter what i just cant open my mouthh.i just hate it i get so angry at me

In your mind's eye, if you could imagine the perfect session with your therapist what would it look like? What would it sound like?

If you can imagine it, then you can make it happen. Maybe not now, but just imagine it.

Perhaps share your perfect vision of your visit with her. I think that would be a nice easy thing to talk about.

If you can't imagine it, talk about this with your therapist. She make help you bring it into sight.

I agree, you've got to get past this block you have and sometimes visualizing freedom from the block can be an importnat first step.

Also, remember, you don't have to talk about big stuff all the time. Not at all. Sometimes I start a session with "you'll never guess what my cat did this week" and you know what? It invariably dissipates the charge in the room and leads to something that i needed to talk about. Without fail. There is no force, there is no road block, just a simple statement about a minutiae in my life.

I think most t's just want us to talk - about anything. It's all insight for them into the way we think. It gives them the tools to help us better.

It also helps to loosen the "hey - why you're a basic total stranger, but here are my deepest thoughts" kind of construct that exists in the therapeutic space.

Relax, use visualization of positive session, and rest assured that there will be no avalanche of feeling.

Steady as she goes on this road.

[sugahorse1]

Sorry to hear about your struggles. Can you write down some of these thoughts and feelings and let T read them at the beginning of your session?
Or even print some of your posts from PC.
Therapy seems to get more complicated as you progress... my opinion. I'm finding it harder to open up, as all the platonic stuff is out the way, and now the really painful stuff needs to be worked on.
Try and think about one thing you really want to share with your T. Focus on it, even the emotions it provokes in you. Then, you can go into T with a focus and only one thing to work on at a time. The hardest part will be to bring up the topic you have chosen, but once you get talking, you'll find the thoughts just running. And T will guide you.
The weight that gets lifted off your shoulders will make this all worthwhile

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by sugahorse

Sorry to hear about your struggles. Can you write down some of these thoughts and feelings and let T read them at the beginning of your session?
Or even print some of your posts from PC.
Therapy seems to get more complicated as you progress... my opinion. I'm finding it harder to open up, as all the platonic stuff is out the way, and now the really painful stuff needs to be worked on.
Try and think about one thing you really want to share with your T. Focus on it, even the emotions it provokes in you. Then, you can go into T with a focus and only one thing to work on at a time. The hardest part will be to bring up the topic you have chosen, but once you get talking, you'll find the thoughts just running. And T will guide you.
The weight that gets lifted off your shoulders will make this all worthwhile

Interesting how it works differently for different people.
I find therapy to be more interesting but less stressful as I progress. It definitely is easier opening up as the relationship and trust grow.

[sugahorse1]

I am finding it somewhat easier to talk to my T as time goes by. But the topics are becoming more difficult for me to come to terms with

[SpiritRunner]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

Interesting how it works differently for different people.
I find therapy to be more interesting but less stressful as I progress. It definitely is easier opening up as the relationship and trust grow.

I find this mostly true for me, too. I generally enjoy talking to my T, because she really gets me and we're on the same spiritual wavelength. My T has earned my trust and I feel much more willing to open up to her, but we are also getting into much harder issues now, so it's harder for me to find words....harder to speak or to write them both, because we're much closer to the core wounds, and I still feel like protecting those! But at least I WANT to talk to her and I try because the trust and relationship have grown strong enough that I feel safe to do that.

[Sannah]

Granite, you have had a few sessions where you did speak to your T. Don't forget about those!