I see T tomorrow for 90 mins. It's been a week since I've seen him, but it feels like a LIFETIME. I'm still used to twice a week, I think, and SO much has happened since my last session. I feel like I haven't seen him for a month.

I am REALLY ANXIOUS about session tomorrow. I think because last session, I was so anxious that I spent an hour of it dissociated, and then had to leave the room and go outside into the fresh air to try to get my bearings. It was just a yuck appointment.

I keep thinking about the e-mail T sent me on my birthday. He told me to remember all of the hard work we've put into our relationship, and all of the safety, and trust, and history, and care that there is between us. He said even if I don't "feel" connected, I can know that we ARE connected. And I know he's right and I AM trying to hang on to that, but the anxiety is still there.

I love T, and I am grateful for the healing I've been able to do in therapy AND I just freaking HATE therapy sometimes. Blah.

Do you have any meds for anxiety? My T doesn't want me to take them the day I go to see her. She wants me to be 'present' and 'in touch' with my emotions. I hate that!

Wow, you get 90 minutes. I would love that. My T is not strict on the time. I am always the last appointment of the day, so I normally stay about an hour and 20 minutes.

Trying not to go by your 'feelings' is hard. Feelings are fickle! But, they are also hard to ignore. I hope you get some rest tonight and have a good session tomorrow.

[Kacey2]

Originally Posted by treehouse

I see T tomorrow for 90 mins. It's been a week since I've seen him, but it feels like a LIFETIME. I'm still used to twice a week, I think, and SO much has happened since my last session. I feel like I haven't seen him for a month.

Boy I can relate Tree. Try not to be nervous. It is your same old t right?

Originally Posted by Kacey2

Boy I can relate Tree. Try not to be nervous. It is your same old t right?

Yes....but also the same old ME. ACK! I think that's the scary part. Going there and being with MYSELF.

[mixedup_emotions]

I can sooooo relate to therapy anxiety, Tree. It sux. I imagine facing T and trying to be open, vulnerable, etc. BLECH! I get that. I really do. I spend so much of my time NOT being vulnerable, being protective and guarded....that it's hard to imagine letting down that guard...((( hugs )))

[googley]

(((((((((((Tree)))))))))))



You will be okay. You are okay.

[zooropa]

I think it's good for people to see that therapy anxiety happens, even with people who have been seeing their T for a relatively long time. I know that doesn't help YOU, tree, but thank you for sharing your experience here.

I have had that feeling, too, of it being so long since I saw T (sometimes it just FEELS like long, even if it was a normal week) and there is a lot of pressure there to make the "reunion" be perfect. I know that feeling, really well.

I think my own worries about needing to have a "good" session with T this last week played a role in the panic attack I had in her office. Too many days of waiting, too many hours of thinking about how I wanted it to go and how I didn't want it to go. Just too much.

[ECHOES]

I am REALLY ANXIOUS about session tomorrow. I think because last session, I was so anxious that I spent an hour of it dissociated, and then had to leave the room and go outside into the fresh air to try to get my bearings. It was just a yuck appointment.

I'm wondering if talking about this in the beginning of your session might help the session get off on a positive and connection start?

[WePow]

(((((Tree))))) actually, you are not the "same old" you. You have grown and healed in so many ways. I know you can't see it sometimes. Just like I can't see my own healing sometimes. But it is there. You are changed for the better.

I hope you are able to have a connected session!

[jazzy123456]

i can relate i hope you got some relief once you went!

[Oceanwave]

Originally Posted by WePow

(((((Tree))))) actually, you are not the "same old" you. You have grown and healed in so many ways.

That's exactly what I was thinking too, treehouse.